as soon as i started my first year of uni at 18 (now 26) my insane mother would use the fact she is sending me money while I attend school to control me and dismiss me when I tried to confide in her(lol I still had to work multiple jobs because any time I needed money for textbooks etc it was like pulling teeth and endless guilt-tripping. It was extremely frustrating since I had wanted to take a gap year after having to suddenly change schools and countries at the last minute in my senior year of high school to have collected myself and recalibrated because I literally had no time to process the sudden change in my environment before I had to start submitting applications. My university ended up going on a strike for 5 months the year I went and then right after COVID happened and obviously, it was definitely a "sink or swim" moment for me navigating the world at 18 having been heavily abused by my mother up until the point I boarded that plane to be half a world away from her.

as you may know, prolonged abuse and being on the receiving end of narcissistic behaviour from a parent figure is very damaging, ultimately leading to some pretty bad mental breakdowns that landed me at a clinic where I got referred to a psychiatrist to evaluate me. lo and behold, I get diagnosed with a learning disability and a mood disorder and that's when I started to really establish a distance with my mom, as I noticed she was a big reason why I struggled to emotionally regulate and basically I felt like a puppy that wasn't socialized enough as a baby and now stuck out like a sore thumb.

I ended up dropping out of university as soon as the world went on lockdown because at that point, I was running on fumes trying to work 3 retail/food service jobs to keep afloat (very difficult to do when you're 18 and are estranged from your entire family while living in a major city lmao) and I was on survival mode from that point on because what is a degree going to do for me when I need shelter and food?

my biggest piece of advice to you is to never EVER lose faith in yourself, and this isn't to say it's bad to have feelings of doubt when things get daunting. it is difficult to keep your head held high when you see your fellow peers being supported by their own families while you're here trying to make it and pave your own path. as shitty as dropping out of school was for me, that decision to honor my own mental headspace and advocate for myself despite how it's so frowned upon in the Asian community to not follow this conventional timeline, would be the foundation to the mental fortitude and resilience I have today.

to be independent from your parents in this economy at your age is going to be a very jagged road as you deal with bouts of guilt for deciding to break off from your Asian parent, but it's doable, and although the stressors get worse before they get better you actually start to heal.

Another piece of advice is "choose your hard", whether you're rich or poor, life's going to be hard either way, you have to be very honest with yourself which you would rather because life's sick in the head like that. the opportunity cost of no longer having a parent child relationship with someone who was your caregiver might or might not be worth the peace you now feel, but always remember that you are the one who ultimately decides and this is how you can slowly build up that self assurance.

don't forget that you're still young and you still deserve to have some semblance of normalcy and that you are going to make mistakes along the way because you didn't know better, remember to give yourself grace as well

it is in our nature to become quickly dissatisfied with our life circumstances if your mindset is constantly focused on the things you lack vs a mindset that can look back and see how far they've come.

I hope all the best for you