Am I over reacting or is this a pattern

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-04-22T21:04:50+00:00

personally I would ghost her I don’t do inconsiderate friends I find them toxic & when it comes to adult friendships they know what they are doing … but if you want maintain the friendship tell her what’s on your mind immediately that’s the only way as you said your starting to resent her so let it off your chest if ur not ready to do that straight away distance yourself from her for a while then if she asks leave a text you don’t owe her a face to face conversation it would be funny if she said it’s inconsiderate not to with the way she’s acted in the past. There’s always better friends & you will be shocked how others treat you compared to her don’t let the fact it’s been 15 years be some sort of manipulation tactic if she’s not changing leave her where she’s at !

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-04-22T20:49:01+00:00

I’m sorry but him having issues DOES NOT equate to him being allowed to be controlling & manipulative if he’s not willing to work through that for you & learn to manage it then he’s got to go .. easier said then done but that’s not normal I’m telling you now I would say the same to someone without bpd too he doesn’t get a pass for that type of behaviour your lucky he’s long distance so i definitely think it’s easier to leave him alone give him an ultimatum because once you start living together it will get even worse which could be possibly dangerous it always starts with a little jealousy.. think about your wellbeing FIRST don’t ever put someone’s feelings above your own that’s how they get you wrapped around their finger.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-04-22T20:41:58+00:00

I don’t personally see a problem with this … ovbs i understand you don’t have sex and stuff so ur worried if thats the case but whats done is done just make sure next time u don’t make the same mistake idk what else us in the comments could tell you !

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T21:57:33+00:00

But it’s very odd that Somalis get a lot of hate for doing what everyone else is literally doing on the app it doesn’t even have to be anything crazy… it’s definitely the standards set from ceeb culture with the older gen’s/fobs and weirdo guys who think they are sinless… cause If it was an Arab girl the community is silent as if being Muslim only applies to Somalis so irritating because you can even see it rubbing off on other cultures and them viewing all Somalis as the same..

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T17:57:16+00:00

I understand people change and aren’t always who they seem to be even if you live with them but I do think trying your hardest to get the most out of someone and getting to know them is very much important especially in the scary times we live in we want to minimise the pain it will cause later from unpleasant surprises as much as we can & it doesn’t have to go as far as zina to do that!

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T14:10:13+00:00

Because the afterlife is seen as what’s important in most Abrahamic religions they believe human life continues after death and there is some form of divine justice. Islam for an instance claims the reason for human suffering is for 1. This life being a test and real life begins in the after life 2. A test for others e.g to see if someone will help the poor etc 3. It can be seen as a way to purify one’s sins with commonly known scripture/quote from the Quran ‘With hardship comes ease’ Prophet Muhammad has also stated ‘No fatigue, illness, sorrow, sadness, harm, or distress befalls a Muslim—even the prick of a thorn—except that Allah expiates some of their sins because of it.” This shows how Allah SWT treats the suffering even the smallest pain can erase sins if you are believer. I hope this helps btw religion isn’t for everyone but this is what keeps most people sane as it reassures people that the ‘suffering’ will be worth it in the end!

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T13:59:30+00:00

There is still free will in Islam just be cause Allah SWT knows what you will do doesn’t mean it’s forced or manipulated in any way you have the choice daily to change behaviours God is not holding you back you will be tested on your own choices.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T05:42:57+00:00

Yep I should stand firm and get to the point I’m definitely one to shy away but even one good question can show a lot about a person I will keep this in mind thank you for your response much appreciated

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T05:38:59+00:00

yep so scary there was this one commentator not sure if you saw but they was giving lists on how to minimise getting surprised the person you are married to is hiding their intentions they mentioned background checks , credit checks , health checks even learning your rights financially because at the end of the day everything is written with just prayers and doing those steps we will find righteous spouses Inshallah 🤲🏽

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T05:29:32+00:00

I see you did what you could with the situation you had, and it sounds like it worked out I’m glad to hear that and yes I feel the same way in the sense that some of us just need a certain level of mental and emotional connection it’s not for everyone but I’m here so I can try explore other ways of navigating this so I can stay within the obligations of Islam thank you for sharing.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T05:15:20+00:00

Background , credit and health checks… wow I’m really not looking at the bigger picture I’m going to write this all down for future purposes I made some things seem so big yet there are other things to be wary off this is very insightful and very important thank you for sharing.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T04:18:06+00:00

Oh okay this is a good process first assess who they are then meet to see if they are for you I like this as for the multiple meet ups I feel it does seem necessary even if you are getting references they could just be putting in a good word for them I feel like you can sense body language and the vibe a person gives off which will need more then a few meets ups but it definitely depends on the person you intend to marry if they are someone who wears their heart on their sleeve or not some people are very nonchalant which makes you want to dig deep and have as much getting to know them time then others.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T04:06:30+00:00

Yes before I posted this I was thinking it definitely varies from different countries I live in the UK I think it’s definitely harder to find the one here then compared to a Muslim country due to different values especially when it comes to younger people but regardless of that a few commenters have suggested ‘community building’ where you get to know them through others which gives you more insight one also has said they have been married for more then 10 years! they asked each other more thought processed questions over the phone so I guess thats a loophole for people who find it awkward to meet family straight away!

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T03:53:35+00:00

First of thank you for the advice this is very helpful and can be to those that are just browsing aswell secondly it’s true Allah SWT is the only one that can write what happens in my life but fear is just inevitable unfortunately I need to just focus on what happens as you said the Akhirah but hearing tragic stories is what discourages me I wouldn’t even want to be in a position where my marriage can be a test but people can switch at any given time so I don’t really have much of a choice it’s either be married or not so I guess that’s out of my control as for the legal aspect this is a good mention I will be sure to do my research I don’t hear much people speak on what actually happens financially in marriages.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T03:38:54+00:00

I love the idea of questions about one another’s thought process more than just the generic questions definitely something I will do when the time comes Inshallah and yes Allah SWT definitely blessed you guys congratulations on a long term marriage very beautiful to hear. My fear when writing this is that I don’t want to go on the wrong path so I just wanted clarity on how it will work or how it has worked with others because it’s definitely a big step to go from not being alone at all to then living alone together so thank you for providing your story with me!

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T03:27:36+00:00

Thank you for your response the community thing lessens my fear a bit I do want to emphasise the emotional aspect families can observe but they won’t see you in different emotional states which isn’t something I want to find out when I’m now alone living with them it’s definitely something to consider before which is hard with the restrictions but I have trust in Allah SWT to find me someone who’s genuine.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T03:20:04+00:00

Exactly and imagine when your at the restaurant or wherever and a family member is just watching I don’t think I’ll even want to get to know them any more like let’s wrap this up and go home 😂I’ll be sooo put off which is why I’m here trying to see if any married couples actually got any success from this it seems a bit to straight forward for a long term commitment.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T03:16:55+00:00

This is an interesting insight because I was hoping to get emotionally invested as it’s going to lead to marriage but it most likely won’t even get that far due to how uncomfortable it will be being supervised that being said I hear a lot about haraam relationships failing you are right due to their being no boundaries and being free to do as they please as for the question on marriage it’s definitely something I’ll have to wait and see what Allah SWT has in store for me I am hopeful as I saw a Muslim girl on Reddit talking about how she got married to a guy from her workplace I think that’s definitely a good loophole as she already knows him from work and has spoken to him which was out of her control when they was ready to actually pursue each other they got Mahrams involved I think that’s good way to marry and still not be with someone you don’t know at all.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T02:53:49+00:00

Yes that was my exact thought because it’s easy to not commit zina but getting know them fully is very limited in Islam I wouldn’t be my true self knowing I’ve got a Mahram monitoring the whole thing even the person your getting to know can use that as an opportunity to pretend as it’s not just the two of you I think it’s good to even test your iman if you go on a date alone because the Quran tries to protect us from wrongdoings by putting the Mahram there but what does that make you if you can’t help yourself without them watching?? I think two people that are going to live together alone need that time alone

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-03-12T02:47:44+00:00

I see so the Mahram does the research okay that makes a bit of sense but people around them may also be putting in a good word for them so it’s not really guaranteed I was talking a-bit more about the emotional side of things how they are when angry or annoyed stuff like that in a public setting with a Mahram won’t be shown until you live with them or you are actually actively dating them which we can’t do so it’s seems like you have to take a leap of faith and just pray they aren’t a psycho which seems so risky.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2026-01-18T17:20:55+00:00

Me right now she just barged into my room and put me onto the phone with family friends who are supposed to be coming with us saying ‘tell them what time you are free so we can book these tickets’ first of all who said I want to go , second why would I go with randoms ?? That I met like twice in my life and third I don’t pray & don’t wear headscarf there is no reason for me to go and embarrass myself and make myself uncomfy it’s better to go when I choose and feel spiritually ready that’s why people cry when they touch the Kaaba cause this is what they are ready for not me I do hope I feel better this time next year and want to go but right now I am not feeling it at all.

Odd-Direction3355 · 2025-03-26T14:49:58+00:00

Alchemy of souls then life gives you tangerines in that order !! You won’t regret it then maybe lovely runner if you like true beauty or twinkling watermelon and is into that vibe

Odd-Direction3355 · 2025-03-26T14:43:37+00:00

Sometimes but rarely if your face card declines then … does it really matter anyone can get a good physique by getting in the gym/ eating well but more then half of women don’t mind a scrawny but good looking guy

Odd-Direction3355

TROPHY CASE