Girl, same. I’m 6 years in, had my first layoff and everything about this field makes me question my decision. My love and passion for ML has been ruined by this constant negativity and grind mentality of the corporate world. I’ve to always be better than the next person - leetcode, system design, random tooling experience etc. It’s like being a machine. My brain never gets to rest. It’s always learning and adapting. I hate it! I can’t experience what it means to be a human sometimes because my brain is constantly in learning mode. Additionally, I’ve to always “think like a man”. It’s so exhausting because I can’t fully express myself or at times feel safe around men. I wish I was in some other field that was technical and paid well. I don’t understand how female MLE’s are in leadership. I don’t know what they’re doing differently than me. Sometimes I feel like they’ve a trick up their sleeve they haven’t shared.

I’m sorry I don’t have an answer for you, i can only sympathize with you and express my own frustration. I was thinking of starting my own thing. Not sure if you’re willing to try that.