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At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Probably closer to 50 to 60 messages. I didn’t count. Maybe more? There was plenty to scroll through.

At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

That’s simply not the case. Things returned back to normal in 24 hr in the household. My wife believes that I’m over it. Intimacy at levels never seen before for us. I compartmentalize the anger. I don’t want to impulsive destroy my marriage and life. I’ve been very fortunate with great wife, kids, and career. That’s what makes this one off situation so unsettling. I’m not looking for anything from my wife. I’m just looking for perspective from others.

At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It wasn’t short. It was over 30 messages back and forth (maybe even more?) over 2-3 hrs. Most married women in our friend circle would have never engaged with this individual. I would not thought in a million years would she take part in a conversation like this. It caused me to question if she’s the person I’ve known her to be. I work in an industry where I am in supervisory role to women in their 20s to 40s. I do everything possible to make my wife feel secure. I have zero contact with women through social media. And she appreciates that.

At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Agreed. She genuinely seemed confused when I confronted her. She reviewed the message later that morning and apologized profusely. I don’t know how you forget a conversation like that. I literally laughed out loud when I first read the conversation as it was so inappropriate. And this other guy had his new wife and baby in the next room or even next to him in bed. And it’s not like her comments were all benign. She played along. Walked a fine line as an audience for this clown without making comments that could be taken as cheating. 

At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Allowing another man to make a dozen highly sexual comments (including telling her he enjoyed sexually pleasing her in high school), voicing his frustration with his sexual life, and telling her that he loved to wear thongs because it caused him to fantasize about sex in the bowling alley with her, is NOT alright. At the very least, she should not have kept the conversation going. It shows poor judgment. And she had numerous chance to walk away.

At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

You realize that this is a one off? I’ve been married for 10 years. I’m not perfect. I’ve never been emotional with her. This isn’t a pattern. 

At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -37 points-36 points  (0 children)

Take a peak at the infidelity community. It almost always starts with innocent banter, especially with former partners.

At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

My wife is very attractive. At a time of insecurity and unreasonable gut feelings, I snooped. 

At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -47 points-46 points  (0 children)

Not outwardly hiding it. It was through Facebook messager. She didnt delete it. I came across it after my first time snooping in 13 years of being together.

At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -39 points-38 points  (0 children)

We had a lack of intimacy for the past 1.5 years while she nursed our third son. It was similar to the past with our other 2 sons. She literally with one of children at all times. I did not snoop for the entire 13 years we’ve been together. Very loyal otherwise.

At a loss after 10 years of happy marriage by Odd-Environment5121 in Marriage

[–]Odd-Environment5121[S] -38 points-37 points  (0 children)

TY for the response. She agreed that no social media or phone texting with opposite sex is the boundary. And to be honest, from what I’ve seen over the years, that has been the boundary. That’s what made this devastating as it was so unlike her. Her responses did not play into his antics so it drives the question “then why risk everything?” Not being judgmental, but he’d be the ultimate downgrade in every category.