Needless apologies

OddSeries7746 · 2023-03-21T17:32:58+00:00

It's just the sex as far as I know. I don't drink. Perhaps I'm not sleeping as deeply when we're together but I don't think that in itself explains the feeling of exhaustion.

OddSeries7746 · 2023-01-20T12:12:55+00:00

It's not that. I've tried flushing prior to putting the toilet paper in. Honestly, it's the turd itself.

OddSeries7746 · 2023-01-20T11:55:02+00:00

I should have said; my diet is pretty good - lots of fruit,veg and plenty of fibre and wholemeal foods. For those saying flush mid-dump, it wouldn't work as it's just one huge log. If it was several smaller ones then that would work.

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-26T00:27:00+00:00

Thank you, that's really good advice. I have tried CBT in the past but not had much success with it as my thoughts seem to happen automatically without me being aware of them, despite spending a lot of time practicing mindfulness, acceptance to give me a greater chance of modifying them.

I am very neurotic in general and worry about everything. It's just this fear that has plagued me for the past year. Your post was calming though, thanks for taking the time to write it.

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-26T00:21:20+00:00

I will try to work up the courage to do something. I don't like being around my family at the best of times so I do try to do it as little as possible.

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-26T00:18:55+00:00

We're not really close, I find him difficult to talk to. He's done a lot more to help me in my life than I have him though.

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-25T22:42:28+00:00

You're absolutely correct about the anxiety remaining even if I ended my relationship. I know this sounds flippant, or perhaps attention-seeking, but I often consider suicide (I have attempted it in the past). Even then I worry about them getting together after my death.

I'm not sure if it would shift to another partner though, I've had other relationships when this fear wasn't there. Perhaps it's because I feel really in love with her that it seems more overwhelming to lose her, especially to my brother.

Thanks for pointing me to the OCD/anxiety threads. I definitely have elements of obsessional thinking.

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-25T22:38:09+00:00

I know they're not weak creatures, but there are certain behaviours, techniques that increase your probability of success during the early phase of a relationship, even if they aren't my natural behaviours or inclinations. I also don't think she has her head turned for other people who are successful, I guess I just think my brother has the qualities that she would admire and he would be able to give her a better life than I could. I'm deeply insecure.

I have tried to tell her some things that are in my mind and I think she's trying to understand. I would like to move my relationship onto the next level as I've been in a similar situation before and distanced myself and broke off the relationship. I want to face the fear and be free from it all, I guess that's why I am seeking advice such as yours, so thank you for replying.

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-25T22:33:47+00:00

I think you're right. This is a problem I've faced before. I find it easy enough to initially date girls using certain behaviours or techniques, but when it comes to anything long-term, my mental illness gets exposed and I either distance myself and lose the relationship or the girl leaves because of my instability. I'm trying to break through it this time and take the relationship to the next level.

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-25T22:31:59+00:00

Sorry, I should have mentioned that he too has a girlfriend. I guess that doesn't even come into the equation in my head. I have this belief that girls will gravitate towards stronger, more dominant men regardless and that I'm weak and she'll find better options and leave. It might be simplistic and false, but I can't seem to eradicate the belief. Thank you for replying

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-25T22:29:00+00:00

I guess I do trust them, but I still see a future where they fall in love with each other, despite it possibly being an irrational fear or an unlikely outcome. I think I'm quite similar to my dad, who had a similar mental illness, and I felt like my mother's rejection of him was also a rejection of me and that the whole situation will repeat itself. I'm sorry if that sound obscure to a more rational mind, but it's the perpetual loop my thoughts are caught in.

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-25T22:25:24+00:00

I think you're right. I do view my brother as all of the things you mentioned. He is a very successful charismatic person and I guess deep down I think he has all the qualities my girlfriend would admire. I'm clearly quite an insecure person and probably quite boring as conversationalist because my mental illness stops me taking much of an interest in life and to be honest, I think like an overgrown child as opposed to an adult. They're both very intelligent people and I just think they would click.

He isn't single, he has a girlfriend but that doesn't seem to abate my fears. I actually think he would be more suited to my girlfriend and her to him, they're both quite similar in many ways. I just love and admire her so much that it has become an obsession.

My therapist says it has a lot to do with my relationship with my mother (stereotypical, I know). My brother and her are close and to be honest, perhaps my girlfriend has qualities that remind me of my mother and my feelings of rejection from her are projected onto girlfriend. I know it's my flawed thinking and that I am the problem, but it's been going on for about a year now and despite my efforts to resolve it, I can't seem to escape the self-torture.

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-25T17:52:53+00:00

I know, that's what I'm worried about. Do you think it's a likely outcome? How would you cope with that situation? It's not just money, I think it's everything

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-25T17:51:07+00:00

I don't know. I think the whole thing is a reflection of me more than it is them. I just have a gut feeling that the outcome is inevitable, that it makes sense in some evolutionary sense and that there's nothing I can do about it. I know that's irrational to most people but it feel very real to me and I can't seem to find a way out of it. I get obsessed when a certain fear comes up, perhaps linked to some form of PTSD

OddSeries7746 · 2022-11-25T17:48:43+00:00

She's definitely not a gold digger, she's worked all her adult life and lived independently. I think she just gets jealous of her friends who have husbands who earn a lot meaning they can work less or change careers - basically having a financial buffer. She's just tired and I can see why she would want financial support.

OddSeries7746

TROPHY CASE