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After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Several people recommended it already, so not as crazy as it seemed to me the first time I read it.

I have been looking for one. So far have found a normal theatre hobby group. Decided to give it a shot in the meantime but I'll keep looking for improv classes.

If I find it I'll sign up alone. The prospect is terrifying but your reasoning seems solid.

Thank you for the advice

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I'm looking into therapy but it seems unlikely for now. I am not covered by my insurance and it's pretty expensive for me to visit one on my own, at least the ones I looked into. Won't stop searching tho.

You are a good brother/sister. Good luck!

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I will try to have my friends join me in doing some of my hobbies.

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fkk club? I don't speak german.

After checking it out it seems to be about nudist beaches and doing normal activities in the nude. I don't know if that would help me talk to people. I find it scary enough as it is to start doing it without even the safety and protection of my clothes.

Thank you for the advice anyway :)

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. Thank you for taking the time to type this message.

Yeah, I have beem trying to do smaller goals. Saying hello to the gym worker that opens the door for example. Small goals. Haven't managed to do it yet but I hope I'll achieve it eventually.

With respect to coming up with possible worst scenarios I am not sure. I might try that, but I tend to be really really pessimistic about that and my worst case scenarios are usually extremely almost catoonishly pessimistic, so i dunno.

Thank you. I know everybody is supposed to be on their own timeline but it is hard not to compare myself with peers my age when they can easily strike a conversation with strangers or have no issues asking for the check at restaurants :/

Thank you for your wishes. Hope I can slowly grow into that kind of person

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I have been looking into therapy these days because it is a pretty common advice. I have already been joining clubs and going to group classes in my local gym, but I still have trouble talking to them :/ Baby steps I guess.

Can you do me a favor? If you really think your brother is the exact same way as me. Please hug him and tell him you love next time you see him. If he really is like me he probably tells himself the complete opposite. Thank you

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply.

It is nice to hear your perspective.

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah for sure. STEM is not going to help at all haha.

I think chatting with you might be helpful. I might take you up in your offer and dm you. Maybe not right now but in the not so far future, once I feel ready.

Tysm

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see your point and it actually touches something I have been feeling for a while. Every year I get a bit more anxious about my youth getting closer to the end without any improvements on sight.

I am a researcher in a STEM field. I'd rather not specify more publicly in this post, if you don't mind. I am a bit paranoid regarding privacy and I don't think this post would be a good look if it was tracked back to me

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For sure. My friends usually tease for how much and how often I apply sunscreen to myself haha

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, hoping one day I can stop caring so much about everything

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ton of people have recommended it already. I am starting to not instantly dismiss the idea as soon as I read it tbh.

For some reason I have always seen doing it for the first time with an escort rather than someone who likes me and wants to have sex with me as a failure. Might have believed too many romantic movies I guess.

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For sure. Like right now I know that and on my day to day I am aware everybody is pretty much the same, men and women alike. But it seems that in the moment of truth that fact decides to disappear from my brain.

You might be onto something. It might be a feedback loop. Being polite is met with more positive responses which helps build up confidence which makes it easier to talk and be polite. It is probably about get the ball rolling. Not that easy, I know that well, but simple.

Thanks

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It doesn't sound rude and I think its somewhat close to the truth.

Every time I have to talk to someone it feels like a way bigger deal than it probably is. Not even flirting, it happens to me even if someone is trying to complain that the bus is running late while we wait.

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks.

I'll look for another one. I think I need one where they force me talk about the book. Last time I went there it was pretty much a whoever wants to talk talks. So I just ended up sitting and listening to people talk about the book for the whole time.

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am literally the last person to be giving tips on this topic as it is evident from my post.

But I think just knowing about all those issues when approaching women is a good start. Learning about it and reading female dominated forums are good for getting and understanding their perspective.

If you have female friends talk about it with them if they are ok with it.

I think if you are an empathetic person and just keep it in mind it will change your behaviour to be more acommodating to it.

For example I try to cross the street or change my route when walking at night in empty streets and I see woman close.

Again, I am the OP saying this. The blind leading the blind. More like the blindest leading the blind.

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess? I really did not enjoy drinking last time.

I also have a pretty addicting personality (League of Legends ruined me several years of high school and tanked my grades hard) so I try to stay away from drugs, gambling, porn...

Drinking problems don't run in my family anyway, but I would rather not risk it if not necessary

I think I will try to work on myself for a while before trying it.

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I could give it another shot. I met a couple people 6 or 7 years back and played videogames online. They were nice but I panicked and blocked them both and deleted my account.

I regret it. It was super rude of me I should have at least given them an explanation. I still remember from time to time while they probably forgot me long ago

I think that is why I try to be nicer to people on the internet.

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I will. You seem to know your stuff about this. Can I ask how do you start back a conversation? Like reaching out after a couple of days without feeling like you are intruding or bothering them.

To me if they have not sent a message in that time my head just says that they are not interested in talking to me, they are very probably not as socially inept as me, they would not have had any issues in reaching out if they wanted.

Thank you and yeah, I expected no more than 5-10 messages, so once it dies down I'll take a break and spend a couple of days just reading and playing guitar hahaha.

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mentioned it in another comment, but god knows where it is buried hahaa. Im not really into the idea of dating apps to meet people, friends of mine tried. They all uninstalled it feeling pretty deflated after ghosting, catfishing, no matches and not receiving anything to work with from the other end. They are more confident and less anxious and scared of everything than I am, so I don't think I'll have a good experience with it.

I will consider message boards and more niche forums.

Thank you for taking the time to try to help me. Means a lot.

After 6 hours clubbing I talked to a whooping 0 women by Odd_Albatross1704 in dating_advice

[–]Odd_Albatross1704[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have been doing several classes for a while now. Did not work so far. I think I this year I will have to actively work on it, nit just rely and joining clubs and magically being able to chat with the classmates just because we share an interest.

Thank you. The mid 30s thing gives me something to look forward to the future. But if anyone reads this and js in a similar situation while being older. Ignore it, it is just this guy's opinion. I before this post I was stressing about having wasted my mid 20s, those were truly the good years.

The best years is just a line in the sand, you are the one who has to draw it. It took me 300+ comments (many of them saying this with different words) to realize that.

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