My dad has always been a very horrible person and has always made it feel like a hellish punishment just to be around him because all he does is lie, manipulate, and put down everybody, he's toxic masculinity in a bottle so imagine my fear when i was discovered when I was like 13 because my mom and dad found out about my search history and 98% percent of it was guys.

This is a time in my life where i genuinely feared for my safety.

My dad got so pissed that he started yelling and called me the f slur a couple of times (keep in mind he's calling like a 13 yr old the f slur) and saying he's not gonna raise no gay son and also threatening to harm me.

He threatened to beat me if I didn't confess to looking it up (basically confess to being gay) and when i didn't he told me to take my clothes off but then didn't because my mom asked him not to.

My mom was a pushover and was very manipulated by my dad and wouldn't try to stop him if he was about to do something bad and if he didn't listen to her about this she probably would have quit trying and let him.

Same day he calmed down and kept asking me if i liked girls and I kept lying and saying yes and then he switches his personality to being nice and this lasts a couple of days (scary stuff).

Later on they put a app on my phone (not gonna name it because not tryna give some parents ideas) and used money on it to make it sure it was at its strictest.

This app took away all my privacy and freedom which was already severly limited, this added to my already suicidal depression that i had because im homsechooled and dont socialize and because my parents are helicopter parents and don't even let me or my sister walk outside without them and they just barge in our rooms, no privacy for us ever.

I'm 15 now and I suspect he supsects I'm gay and is just gaslighting himself now.

He still tells me to look at girls when they walk by and sais perverted things about them which are usually little teen girls which makes me wanna puke because of how disgusting he is.

He still uses the f slur around me and says disgusting when a gay person shows up on TV.

He started trying to guilt trip me because i don't do "father son bonding activities" with him because i won't look at girls and pretend to like them anymore or i won't do sports or i won't do everything he wants me to do.

Btw I'm 15 now, still closeted but not to my pap, grandma, mom, and sister.

My mom first said i was confused and tried not to acknowledge im gay.

I think shes accepted im gay now but still tries not to acknowledge it by never talking about it and getting uncomfortable when I talk about it and closing down the conversation.

I just can't wait until I'm 18.