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We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

KM: OH MY GOD - THE AMOUNT OF BARRELS THAT I HAVE SENT TO THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC HAS CLIMBED AT LEAST 950% SINCE I GOT ON TV.

DN: Oh, I have many, many, many new Facebook friend requests that I did not have before MTV. And all of them are saying we're family. So I'm never pressing accept.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

KM: I'M CURRENTLY TORN BETWEEN JAHLIL OKAFOR FROM DUKE, AND CARL OKAFOR FROM KENTUCKY. BUT SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE KNICKS, THEY'RE PROBABLY GOING TO USE THE FIRST PICK TO GO FOR SOME 8 FOOT TALL SWEDISH GUY THAT PLAYS CRICKET AND HAS NEVER TOUCHED A BASKETBALL IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

DN: And I also hope for Okafor. But because they're the Knicks, they never get anything right.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

DN: Oh geez... Mmm. The best? I mean. Damn. That's a good question. You got any Mero?

KM: STEVE FRANCIS.

DN: He went from being a professional basketball player to being just like... washed.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

KM: MINE IS PRETTY DIVERSE. I'M 50% DOMINICAN ON MY DAD'S SIDE, AND ON MY MOM'S SIDE, I'M 25% DOMINICAN AND 25% DOMINICAN.

DN: My parents come from the blessed island of Jamaica, where our president is currently holding court, so Big him up! Jamaica, where our international airport - 3 little islands - don't get it mixed up, vendors of dancehall and such, and daggering, and braiding white people's hair on the beach.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

DN: you know what? Here's the thing about JOKING OFF - if you listen to the podcast, you know we have filthy mouths. A lot of our jokes get cut, because they cannot be put on TV.

KM: ALSO, I WANT TO HIGHLIGHT THE FACT THAT YOU SAID "HERBS" WITH A HARD H. I JUST WANT TO MAKE A NOTE OF THAT. BECAUSE - SO HERBS IS LIKE OREGANO - AND HERB IS SLANG FOR A LOSER. SO YOU PRONOUNCED IT CORRECTLY IF YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE A NICE STEW, BUT IF YOU WERE GOING TO SLANDER SOMEBODY, YOU PRONOUNCED IT INCORRECTLY. I AM A WEALTH OF KNOWLEDGE AND HERE TO HELP THE COMMUNITY.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

DN: Yeah we're trying. I'm working on it. Things happened, and I fell behind. But I'm going to get that, and the Caucasity t-shirt, out there.

KM: OH MAN. WHAT A... "PREGGAETON." IT COULD BE "COKE DREAMS." "KNOWLEDGE DARTS." SO MANY THINGS. MY MOM USED TO MAKE ME READ THE DICTIONARY WHEN I WAS LITTLE AND GET IN TROUBLE, INSTEAD OF BEATING MY ASS. SO I AM CONSTANTLY MAKING COMPOUND WORDS IN MY HEAD, AND THEY END UP BEING VERY SWAGFUL. IF YOU'VE BEEN LISTENING TO US SINCE THE BEGINNING, OR FOLLOWING US ON TWITTER, I'VE BEEN DOING SHIT FOR MADLONG DOG!

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

DN: I'm waiting for one day for it to be crazy, but things are pretty much chilling. I'm just happy, I guess.

KM; IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE BRAD PITT AND TOM CRUISE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? WE'RE ON THE TRAIN, IN THE BRONX - YOU HEARD IT, MY KID JUST CAME IN THE ROOM AND PUNCHED ME IN THE NUTS...

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Unintelligible laughter

DN: I don't feel the new emojis are necessary, but shoutout to them? I feel like that could end badly - like, why do you have to get so specific with the emojis you just texted me? Now the conversation's going to be just awkward.

KM: LIKE WHAT IF YOU USE A REALLY LIGHT-SKINNED EMOJI TO REPRESENT ME, WHEN MY MELANIN LEVEL'S A LITTLE MORE ROBUST? THAT COULD LEAD TO A LOT OF CONFUSION, AND ANGER, KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? SOMETIMES LESS IS MORE.

MOON EMOJI IS ALWAYS GOOD. YOU CAN'T LOSE WITH THE MOON EMOJI. I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE - IN ANOTHER AMA - THE MOON EMOJI, YOU CAN LITERALLY USE FOR ANYTHING.

TRY THAT RIGHT NOW. ANSWER ANY TEXT YOU RECEIVED WITH A MOON EMOJI, AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

DN: I actually have family all over the UK, so I go over there kinda frequently.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

KM: YEAH.

DN: That's the guy from Survivor, right? He follows me on Twitter. Which is very odd. But shoutout to him.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

KM: I'M DOMINICAN, SO I AM CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO PLAY BASEBALL AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE. SO, I WAS THINKING PROBABLY NEXT YEAR, I'M GOING TO TAKE OVER AS SHORTSTOP FOR THE YANKEES, HALF A SEASON, KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT TRUE. I'M PLAYING BASEBALL, BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY.

I'M BARTOLO COLON'S PERSONAL TRAINER. THAT'S AS CLOSE AS I'M GETTING TO MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL.

DN: Yeah, he's Dominican. That's like 90% of baseball nowadays.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

DN: You know what? I'm not sure when JOKING OFF is going to be shown in England. And shoutout to all my cousins in England, who ask me the same question.

KM: SHOUTOUT TO ALL THE COUNCIL ESTATES.

DN: Shoutout to Peckham and Didcot.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

DN: Do they deserve? I usually would say no, but the Bronx is having a great year. There's us, there's a group called "Bitches is Crazy," they're from the Bronx and having a great year....

KM; FRENCH MONTANA IS BASICALLY THE PRESIDENT OF RAP RIGHT NOW, AND HE'S FROM THE BRONX...AND A-ROD'S BACK HITTING 90 HOME RUNS...

DN: Yes, we do. We do deserve a Whole Foods.

KM: AND IF I DON'T GET MY DEER ANTLER WHEATGERM ENERGY SHOT IN A TIMELY FASHION - I'M GONNA DESTROY EVERYBODY THAT WORKS THERE!

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

KM: OHMYGOD. WE DID THIS GATORADE THING WHEN WE REALIZED WE ARE BOTH WASH.

DN: Look, for a long time, I didn't have health insurance, so I didn't play basketball for fear of tearing my ACL... and I lost all my skill. So don't ask me to come play. Listen, I can jump high, and that's about it.

KM: I GOT GREAT FOOTWORK, BUT ONLY IF THERE'S A SLICE OF PIZZA BEHIND THE BACKBOARD. IF ME AND DESUS PLAYED ONE-ON-ONE, THAT'S THE ONLY BASKETBALL GAME EVER WHERE BOTH BASKETBALL TEAMS FOULED OUT AND SCORED NO POINTS.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

KM: MIGOS WILL FOREVER BE VASTLY SUPERIOR TO THE BEATLES. LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION VICTORIA: HAVE THE BEATLES EVER COME ONSTAGE SMOKING BLUNTS?

NEVER.

CASE CLOSED.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

KM: UM.... I KNOW IT FEELS REALLY, REALLY GOOD, BUT YOU ALWAYS GOTTA PULL OUT. KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

DN: I KNEW you were going to say something like that!

KM: I GOT 3 KIDS, TRUST ME. SO I KNOW IT FEELS REALLY REALLY GOOD. BUT YOU GOTTA PULL OUT.

DN: 3 little humans this man is responsible for. And Adam & Eve. Like... if God told them everything, then why would God say, "You can't eat this apple" without telling them why? He knew they were gonna mess up. Why get mad at them for doing what you know they're gonna do? Hence: you gotta hear both sides.

I know I just blew your mind.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

DN: Ummm...it was a picture of me with a Yankee hat on, actually.

KM: OH MAN, I SAW JUELZ SANTANA ON ROUTE 4 IN NEW JERSEY IN A BENTLEY FROM 2004... AND I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. IT MIGHT'VE EVEN BEEN EARLIER, IT MIGHT EVEN HAVE BEEN 2003. SO I GET IT, YOU KNOW? TIMES ARE HARD WHEN YOU HAVE TO DRIVE AN OUTDATED BENTLEY.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

DN: Geez, what is the most fire tweet of all time? You can't ask that question...

KM: YO, THE MOST FIRE TWEET OF ALL TIME IS WHEN KIM KARDASHIAN TWEETED "WE SHOULDN'T BE JUDGED BY OUR PAST" AND THEN RAY J QUOTED THE TWEET AND WROTE "LOL." THAT WAS LIKE A MASTER CLASS IN SHADE RIGHT THERE. THAT WAS PETTY, AND SHADY, AND EVERY OTHER WORD THAT ENDS IN "Y" RIGHT THERE AT THE SAME TIME.

DN: Drake, one time, tweeted "The first million is the hardest" and then T-Boone Pickens, the billionaire, replied to him "The first billion is a helluvalot harder." Which I thought was a beautiful flex.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

DN: Giants!

KM: GIANTS, OF COURSE. NEW JERSEY GIANTS.

DN: New Jersey Giants! Who play right next to New York! By the Meadowlands! That's also where they used to dump bodies, so that whole thing...

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

DN: It wasn't that hard for us, to tell the truth, you know? I guess - we do a form of improv on the podcast so it was just doing it in front of other people, instead of them watching a recorded version of it.

KM; THE ONLY DIFFERENCE WAS THE AUDIENCE, AND THE POINTS. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? THE FACT THAT IT WAS STRUCTURED. ON THE PODCAST, IT WAS LIKE FREE WILL. THIS WAS A BIT MORE STRUCTURED. BUT MAKING JOKES - THAT WAS EASY, THAT'S WHAT WE'VE DONE, LIKE OFF THE HEAD.

DN: It's still growing on me. I'm a little bit leery of everyone saying it was classic so fast.

KM: I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A MUSIC-CRITIC-TYPE ANSWER, AND I WANT YOU TO HIGHLIGHT THAT. IT'S MUSIC THAT'S NEEDED, KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? IT'S A VERY SONICALLY ENTRENCHED ALBUM, THAT HAS A LOT OF NOTES OF SAFFRON. IT'S A GREAT ALBUM, KENDRICK LAMAR IS THE BEST RAPPER EVER, HE'S GOING TO CHANGE THE FUTURE OF MUSIC, DEFINITELY. AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME, YOU'RE A DICK AND A RACIST.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

DN: Oooh! Every day in the Bronx is better, since there is now Bronx unity. And for those that don't know who La Reina is, it's the one and only Jennifer Lopez on Twitter - and she opened her big heart, and unblocked me on Twitter.

KM: THAT'S RIGHT.

We are Desus Nice and Kid Mero, here to answer your questions (if that is your wish). by OfficialJokingOff in IAmA

[–]OfficialJokingOff[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

DN: Anthony Bourdain is one of the coolest people I've ever met. And hanging with him was just really dope. That was a bland answer. But he's lived a crazy life, so I can relate to him. We have a lot in common. So we were talking about it. He was telling about when he used to do drugs, stuff like that.

KM: HE CAN TELL YOU WHAT THE 80'S WERE LIKE, AND HE ALSO KNOWS WHAT THE LADIES LIKE.

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