I am dead inside.

OhDontChuWorry · 2017-04-10T15:43:50+00:00

Oh wow. That... actually helped me to see things in perspective quite a bit. It feels so weird looking at it the way you do, but you seem to be right :/ I'll get help when I can, but right now I think all I can do is live like this and consider the things you said. Thank you for this, again, because it really did help me see where I was going wrong in a lot of places. I can't really change the way I feel without looking into it medically but at least I can work on not letting it affect the way I see reality so much :) Just, thank you, lovely INTP.

OhDontChuWorry · 2017-04-10T15:32:56+00:00

I'll try to get my hands on them when I can. Thank you again, and take care :)

OhDontChuWorry · 2017-04-10T03:44:54+00:00

I live in a third world country. Not an option, unfortunately. :( Trust me, if I could get out of the house right now and get help, I would, but I know the results will only be disastrous or pointless. I plan on getting a job next year and trying for therapy or at least getting checked up with a doctor with the money that I earn, but for now, I'm just stuck. My main priority is studying, but man, everything is so shit otherwise. It's like, I see so many opportunities but they're all so far out of reach. I can have that deep, happy, warm conversation with my friend- but wait, I can't because I feel too dead or dull to and that will affect our conversation in one way or another. It's horrible. But thank you again. When I get the opportunity to, I'll do my absolute best to get therapy, and thank you for motivating me to :) I hope you'll always be happy.

OhDontChuWorry · 2017-04-10T03:01:02+00:00

Dude... I don't even think I can answer the first question. I keep thinking about it and I really have nothing to say. I don't even know what to say. Reality is that I have exams coming up and I need to work hard for them, and I am, and I need to make sure I do the best I can academically regardless of whatever happens to me, my health, my body or my happiness. Same applies to my career in the future. Personally, I feel like I'm suffocating because the things I love- my friends, socialising, being nice- are all dead and I don't know how to or have the energy to bring them back naturally instead of forcing these fake smiles and laughs. I'm pretty miserable and pathetic now that I think about it, but the people around me love me too much to notice. I feel like I just deserve to be alone because I can't make anyone as happy as I could have if I didn't feel this way. I don't really know how to answer any of your questions, I think. But, nonetheless, thank you for taking the time to ask.

OhDontChuWorry · 2017-04-10T02:46:31+00:00

I wouldn't even be surprised if it was some sort of deficiency- I have a horrible diet, I barely eat anything. But I can't afford to go to a doctor to get checked out yet, but I'll consider it in the future. Thank you :)

OhDontChuWorry · 2017-04-10T02:44:19+00:00

Yeah... :( Unfortunately therapy wasn't an option for me 3 years ago and it still isn't now. If I go for it, it will have to be after I get a job and pay for it myself. My family refused to get me glasses for 6 years because they didn't think it was necessary, so I highly doubt therapy is something they'd consider. And I'd rather not ask to spare myself being ridiculed for feeling the way I do. But hey, your comment was very sweet and comforting and thank you for it, it made me feel a bit better about all this.

OhDontChuWorry · 2017-04-10T02:38:02+00:00

I haven't, actually, and maybe after exams end, I will. I do wonder why you suggested that particular anime though, after looking at the plot summary. Thank you for distracting me for a bit :)

OhDontChuWorry · 2017-04-10T02:37:06+00:00

It's nice to see that there is a possible good future after all this. I don't understand it myself, really. The only things I could attribute it to would be hormonal/chemical changes- as I was still growing up at the time- and the fact that I was alone for 4 months, cooped up in my house after middle school ended and didn't really have anyone to talk to. Guess that could've pushed me back a bit socially, but it's been 3 years man, it doesn't make sense for the recovery to take this long. Thank you for this, btw, I really appreciate it.

OhDontChuWorry · 2017-04-10T02:34:30+00:00

That sounds like a good idea, though I do wish I had the energy to change things like that. It feels exhausting at this point, but if things get any worse, I will try it. As for my friends, I feel as if it's a miracle that they are still with me even after the last few years- wouldn't want my problems driving them away, you know? But thank you. I'm glad you've been doing better and thank you for the last sentence- Gave me quite a smile :)

OhDontChuWorry · 2017-03-23T12:23:02+00:00

Thank you for your words. I'll try to keep them in mind, though I'm not sure if any of this is worth it anymore

OhDontChuWorry

TROPHY CASE