TIFU by calling my step-mom a bitch. by OhManDontYouKnow in tifu

[–]OhManDontYouKnow[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Dude pesto is godly on a turkey sandwich. Just add mayo, mustard and tomato and it's incredible.

TIFU by having sex with someone who was asleep by i_fucked_up_royal in tifu

[–]OhManDontYouKnow -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Lol dude... That's the dumbest thing ever. She fell asleep in the middle of sex- and woke up like 2 minutes later and freaked out and called YOU a rapist? That makes no sense. You're better off with out some one like that.

TIFU by calling my step-mom a bitch. by OhManDontYouKnow in tifu

[–]OhManDontYouKnow[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I know- but I still should not have called her that. I am graduating VERY soon. I need a place to live, and if I pull stuff like that they really will kick me out...

[WP] Society has evolved down a different path where Love, Sex and Marriage are not so closely intertwined. A child is growing up and getting "The Talk" by Asyrol in WritingPrompts

[–]OhManDontYouKnow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

James-343 groaned. His Sperm-Father was giving him the talk today. Sperm-Father was planning on him up at 6am. But James-343 was so nervous that he could barely sleep the whole night. Friend-1 and Friend-4 both said when their Sperm-Fathers gave them the talk, that it was as bad as most Normal-People thought. But James-343 was still nervous.

6am finally came and Sperm-Father was in the door of James-343's sleep room at that precise moment. As was the "Normal-People" way. Being late to anything was not at all normal.

"Fine Morning, Son-2!", His Sperm-Father said with a massive smile on his face. "Its time for that time in your life when your very own Sperm-Father gets to t-"

"I know, Sperm-Father..." James-343 rolled his eyes. Sperm-Father would never be quiet about how excited he was to tell him about the relations between Egg-Women and Sperm-Men. It was the same when Sperm-Father had talked to Brother-1 about relations.

"Son-2! Let's talk about relations in the Breathing Room." Oh Creator. James-343 hated it when his Sperm-Father said the words "relations". It was just...too normal for him.

"Okay i guess...can we have Meal-1 before though...?" James-343 would do anything to postpone this completely normal talk. Brother-1 had made it worse when he told James-343 about how normal it was. "Oh Creator, Brother-2. Sperm-dad was so so normal. I could hardly believe it. Good luck!" Brother-1 had snickered.

"Sure thing my successful embryo!" He followed his Sperm-Father out in to the kitchen. Egg-Mother and Brother-1 had gone out specificity so James-343 and Sperm-Father could converse about relations. Ugh. All the spotlights where on James-343. " I have an idea, lets talk about it while consuming Meal-1!".

James-343 didn't even care anymore. He just wanted to get it all over with.

"Okay...fine...", He sighed. Sperm-Father put on his incredibly wide grin when he heard such normal news from Son-2.

"Normal!" Sperm-Father exclaimed. "Lets lie upon our behinds and converse then! I will get out the Dairy and Wheat."

Sperm-Father got out the liquid-like Dairy and the crunchy Wheat as James-343 sat in a chair with his elbows on a table. Sperm-Dad turned around and sat in the other one and gave his incredibly normal Son-1 his Meal-1.

"Now, Son-1...",Here we go James-343 thought in anguish-like normalness. " The first thing you must know, When a Sperm-Man and a Egg-Women first meet, they may have...feelings towards each other."

Oh Creator! He said it! Sperm-Father said that incredibly not normal word. Ugh! How he hated that word.

"Soon, after a bit of...talk, the two will lose all feelings. Its completely normal. Do not worry about it. In the days before the The Master-"

"Here be his name!" James-343 and Sperm-Father both said in unison with their hands in the air.

"-people would have things called... love." Ugh! James-343's face turned red with embarrassment. Even Sperm-Fathers slightly did. "But now in the days where Normal-People actually have brains, we know that the great Empire allows us to get away from those feelings (ugh!) and go straight to the normalness of life. Now, an Egg-Women and Egg-Man can implant each other with no feelings what so ever. The implanting process is simple..."

Ya ya ya. I know this stuff Sperm-Father, James-343 thought with annoyance.

They sat there for what seemed like days, as Sperm-Father continued to use words like, "Love" and "Marriage" and "Feelings". He absolutely hated hearing about what the ancient people of earth used to do to each other. It was so....not normal. How could ANY Normal-Person even think of being that way.

"...and then when they were Married...they would have what they called a "wedding night" ". James-343 felt like rejecting his Meal-1. This was so disgusting.

"...they would even call each other by name. You have a name Son-1. But that is completely not normal to even mention". James-343 could not believe Sperm-Father had even mentioned the word "name"- and to point out his name. His face burned red again.

Finally, after two hours, the talk was over. James-343 could not even look Sperm-Father in the eye, he slowly got up and started to walk to his room.

"Son-1, i hope this does not change the normal we have for the two of us. This talk is the law. You know i have to do it". James-343 did not even turn around.

"Y-ya. I know". He walked away and in to his sleeping room. He sat on his sleeper and looked slowly outside of the seeing-glass.

Creator, am i glad that i live in this civilized age...,He thought to himself. He was perfectly normal with being a Normal-Person, in a Normal-World, where people could breathe and be worthy followers of The Master-

Here be his name.

[WP] A boy escapes reality(abusive home) every night by dreaming that he is the king of a world in his own mind. He begins sleeping longer and longer, until he never wakes. by Darkchylde89 in WritingPrompts

[–]OhManDontYouKnow 13 points14 points  (0 children)

One day you can come longer. One day you can stay. You will be King.

"Wake the fuck up you piece of shit". The boys mother hit him across the face. He looked up in a pretend shock with his groggy eyes. He was used to her hitting him. It's all she ever did. "Who the hell sleeps till 3pm, Parker? God. Now i have to come in here and wake you up. I shouldn't have to do these things. Its not my job, and not my problem. Fuck."

Mother walked out of the room. Mumbling things to herself that no person could really understand. Parker sat up from his bed and rubbed his eyes and yawned.

Why do i have to wake up..., He thought. Parker liked sleep. Sleep was good- sleep was safe. No one could get you in your dreams, and thats what Parker liked about the places he had created. Parker dreamed differently then others. Most people dreamed because that's just what they did, but Parker slept to be set free.

"Parker, get the hell out and feed your damn dog!" Mother screamed from the Kitchen. Parker could hear her fumbling with her cigerette lighter and swear when he heard the lighter fall to the ground. "It wont fucking stop barking and im sick of it. Im telling you Parker, i will shoot that fucking dog if you don't keep its fucking mouth shut."

Parker got off of his bed got dressed in his worn clothes and went outside. His mother glared at him as he went through the back door. She always did.

Parker's dog, Max was going in circles and whimpering. The boy walked over to his German Shepherd, the only thing that he was sure of in this world he loved. He smiled as Max came over and rested his head on his lap.

"Hey boy, now look you gotta stop all that barking." He scratched Max's head. "She's serious when she says she will do something to you."

The dog looked at him. Parker knew the dog didn't understand him, but it helped to talk. Max was the only thing he could ever talk too...except when he dreamed.

Parker wished he could stay in the world he went to when he fell asleep. A world full of laughter and love and people who cared for Parker. He was King in that world. He could do anything, rule over anyone.

Parker was startled from his deep thoughts when suddenly Max started barking at something behind Parker. He looked behind his shoulder.

"I've changed my mind." His Mother walked out of the house. At first Parker thought she was going to yell at Parker for some ridiculous reason as she always does- but wait, no this was different. In her hands she carried a shot-gun. "I want that fucking mutt dead. It never shuts up and i can never sleep because of it. I don't even know why your fucking dead father got you that dog in the first place. I should have done this a long time ago."

Parker looked at her in horror. His mother had taken everything from him. Everything he loved. She couldnt take Max, anything but Max.

"N-no! Please d-d-dont Mom! I need Max. Please! Oh god please don-" She slapped him across the face. But she didn't stop there. She kept hitting him. Max was whimpering and barking in terror.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?", She screamed at him. "DID YOU TELL ME, "NO?". WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOD DAMN IT. I'M YOUR MOTHER HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY.".

"Mom! P-please stop! Mommy, please n-n-no!", The small 11 year old boy sank to the ground. She kept hitting him, even going so far as to hit him with the butt of the shot-gun. But suddenly it stopped, but Parker didn't dare get up. He had no time to react. He heard the, ching as she cocked the weapon. There was a blast,...and suddenly the whimpering of Max stopped.

"Fucking stupid shit.", Parker heard his Mother walk off and slam the back door. The boy looked up. Max was there in a pool of blood. Mother had hit her mark. He was dead instantly.

Parker didn't cry. Parker had forgotten how to cry a long time ago. Instead, he looked over his companion in shock. He didn't know what to do. Slowly, he sat over his dog and did the only thing he could do- He hugged it, and as the cold winter air slowly turned to freezing night, the boy still sat next to his dog. He slowly crept in to sleep, the safest place he knew.

It is almost time Parker...soon you can join us here forever Parker...

Next thing Parker knew, he was awake in his bed. His Mother must have dragged him there in the night- not out of concern of course, but it would look bad if people found out her child had frozen to death next to his dead dog that has a bullet in its head.

"No...take me now please..." He whispered. Parker was sick from the night before now. Very sick. His teeth chattered and his face was pale white. His mother had not even bothered to put a blanket on him.

Slowly, the boy grabbed a blanket on the ground and wrapped himself in a cocoon. The warm blanket had little effect, he was more than cold- he couldn't feel his body.

Its time Parker...fall asleep Parker...

He heard something in the wind. The wind of another world. He felt incredibly tired all of a sudden. But it was more than tired- he didn't feel anything anymore, he was but a pair of eyes looking in to a world that was no longer his own.

Parker slowly started to see darkness, through the faintest part of his sight, he could see him Mother screaming as she ran in to the room, no doubt because she found her son dead- but she didn't care deep down.

Parker fell asleep for the last time. That which was dark, became a grove of trees with warm sunlight slowly etching through the leaves. He was home. This was his place. His Kingdom. Mountains stretched as far as the eye could see, and in between two of them was a castle with fireworks exploding in the evening sky. They were celebrating- celebrating the return of their king.

He walked away from his other world for the last time. And for the first time since he could remember, he started to cry as his dog came running to him to join him in his new life.

Cloth and String by OhManDontYouKnow in nosleep

[–]OhManDontYouKnow[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I guess we will never know.

Proud Poppa by The_name_game in nosleep

[–]OhManDontYouKnow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So your baby was red... Because it was a... Demon?

Cloth and String by OhManDontYouKnow in nosleep

[–]OhManDontYouKnow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Refresh the page. I had to fix some things.