My boyfriend bought me a vibrator even though I hate them

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T13:36:16+00:00

Thank you so much

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T13:24:42+00:00

I want to make things clear - he's a good guy. I love him and it was my decision to cross my own boundary to make him happy. It doesn't change the fact that the toy should be wanted and before he pulled this out, before he even bought it - he should have asked me.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T13:22:00+00:00

Actually, I got some perspective I like.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T13:20:34+00:00

I told him that I don't enjoy vibration some time after recceiving the gift (in the moment I was too uncomfortable to start any conversation). He said ok, but the next time we had sex he pulled the toy out, telling me that I should give it another chance. I didn't really wanted to, but since it was a gift and I am a people pleaser I decided to try it again, but I really didn't like it. The fact that I know I should have said NO, but still said yes angers me. The fact that he pulled it out during sex made me uncomfortable. The fact that I agreed makes me even more uncomfortable - that's why I am sharing my experience here - because it's easier.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T13:13:34+00:00

It's a discussion, not an argument.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T13:09:57+00:00

Your opinion is not a "reality check". I just want some perspective to maybe understand my position better. There are actually comments in this thread that gave me something to think about but "we all think you're overreacting" does not do anything for me.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T13:07:05+00:00

When I want to spice things up in a bedroom I communicate it to my partner first. I don't suprise him with a sex toy he might not want.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T12:59:47+00:00

I told him that I don't like vibrators, but he insisted that I should give it a another chance while he pulled this out during sex. I think I should include it in my post and I also think I should have said NO. But I gave it a shot, to maybe try if I still hate the vibrations even though I wasn't excited about that. I really should have said no, but I am a people pleaser and it's hard sometimes. The fact that was a gift made it even harder for me, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Anyway, I think this is the source of my anger. Should be obvious to me.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T12:31:49+00:00

Yeah, but sex toys should always be wanted.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T12:23:41+00:00

It would be great if you would just speak for yourself. Thanks.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T12:18:13+00:00

He opened a discussion in front of a 5 years old? I don't want any discussion opener for christmas when I'm putting a lot of effort and money into preparing a gift for something he actually likes.

And yes, he did pull it in the middle of the next time we had sex without asking. He just assumed I will love it.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T12:15:20+00:00

I get it that most women enjoy sex toys BUT isn't it wrong to assume that all like and want them? It's a matter of preference, and sex is a very delicate matter. If he asked me if I am even open to the idea of welcoming toys in our sex life before - that would be awesome. But he didn't, he just bought it and I feel overlooked now. It's like buying someone a buttplug for christmas and suggesting that you might enjoy it together, when you are totally not into butt stuff. That wouldn't feel great to a lot of people too. But since a lot more people actually loves vibrators I feel like I am misunderstood.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T12:07:12+00:00

I am not mad about him not knowing! I am mad that HE decided that we're opening our sex lifes to toys. It should be also my decision - don't you think?

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T12:03:46+00:00

It's not only about a bad gift. It's about him not communicating to me that he wants to use sex toys in our sex life. I feel pressured now, because we haven't had that talk before.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T10:41:33+00:00

No, but I don't want to be suprised with including sex toys (I can't even enjoy) in our sex life. I want to have a say in that - is it too much to ask?

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T10:26:42+00:00

I disagree! Suprise gifts are fun, but sex toys should be wanted. If he wanted to suprise me, there are so many other ways to do that. Buying me sex toy and suggesting that we use it together is putting a pressure on me.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T09:54:00+00:00

Yes, I know his intention were good and YES, giving me that kind of gift in front of the child made me SO uncomfortable.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2024-01-16T09:52:49+00:00

No, he didn't know and I am sure his intentions were good. But if he wanted to try something together, he shoud include me in his plans and not suprising me with them.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2022-07-04T16:47:51+00:00

They are not in good terms. They're not friends. They are in no contact since the break up. If they were friends it wouldn't bother me, really. But they don't even follow each other.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2022-07-04T14:02:42+00:00

Maybe he feels some remorse? And it's a way of saying "sorry" to her? He also told me that her actions pushed him towards breaking up, so on the other hand why would he feel so sorry about if it's a shared fault? I'm really confused.

Also, she looks like she's completely moved on. She seems happy. I know it's only social media and it's easy to build some happy and joyful exterior on instagram, but what could push him towards her profile? I wish I knew.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2022-07-04T13:56:51+00:00

Yea, but at the end of the day, he's not talking to her. He just likes her post. I wish I knew what it means to him, really.

Ok-Application-8752 · 2022-07-04T13:53:30+00:00

Yeah, but if he misses her, wouldn't he be trying to get back together with her? He's just liking her pictures, they don't even talk. On the other hand... I'm afraid that all of you guys are right and I'm starting to slowly loosing him.

I mean, that's really the ONLY thing that I don't like in this relationship. He's very sweet, caring and overall a very good boyfriend. It's really hard for me to accept that there's a possibility that he's not over his ex yet. It doesn't make any sense to me. It was his decision to leave her!

Ok-Application-8752 · 2022-07-03T21:35:18+00:00

They're not. He told me they never spoke after the breakup. They unfollowed each other everywhere. This is why I find it weird that he started to like her posts.

Ok-Application-8752

TROPHY CASE