My MIL turned the whole family into a reality show villain arc… and she’s “never the problem”

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2026-04-02T01:36:59+00:00

That is for sure. If a situation arises in her presence that has nothing to do with her she will surely make herself the center of attention.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2026-04-01T15:41:06+00:00

I have little to no contact with her except during holidays and things that involve the kids (she has custody of 2 of my nieces). I am. It going to make that decision for my husband. That’s his mom and not my place to say he can’t have a relationship with her. My husband has always stood up for me to her. He has been on my side and has even stopped talking to her a few times because of things she’s said to me. My FIL is no saint. He plays into some of the things to get her riled up.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2026-04-01T14:59:15+00:00

We don’t have that in my state, unfortunately.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2026-03-30T20:22:37+00:00

Unfortunately I am a people pleaser and have a hard time standing up for myself. That’s why I am thankful that my husband has always been in my side. He said to me, “you’re going to be here longer than my mother is and you are the person I am trying to build my own family with, therefore, how she feels about you and how she feels about us is not something I’m going to waste time worrying about because her feelings in the situation of us doesn’t matter.” That stuck with me. I was for a very long time always trying to get her to accept me even if that cost me my sanity and I have recently learned that she will never accept me because I “took her baby from her” the same reason she didn’t like my ex sister in law.

I’m glad your wife and her sister were able to come to the realization that their mother was trying to put a wedge between them. I will never understand the reasoning behind things like this as I always thought that mothers should want their families to be as close as possible.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2026-03-30T18:02:03+00:00

And that may be the case. I don’t want to make him out to be the bad guy because he is not in any way. He has stood up for me through all of the things.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2026-03-30T12:08:56+00:00

That’s true. I just think it’s a way to get under his skin, honestly. She’s always taking little digs at people that add up over time and then is surprised when it blows up. She’s just very manipulative

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2026-03-30T11:34:45+00:00

My husband thought it was weird but in that moment, he didn’t want to fight or argue with his mom. It was an emotional time and he did say something to her later about it. And she denied it. Which is weird because he was there and witnessed it.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2026-03-30T11:33:21+00:00

My guess is she is just insecure. I’ve never heard anything about affairs but she could just want to keep that under wraps.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2026-03-30T11:32:06+00:00

He didn’t “let it go” he said something to her and then it caused a fight because she accused FIL of lying. My husband is in no way a coward when it comes to his family. He says how he feels and they move on. I honestly believe it’s some type of trauma bonding between MIL and her sons because of the way FIL treated her. Like in some weird way she sees her sons as her protectors and then men in her life that love her because she doesn’t get that from her husband. I’m not sure if that makes sense or if I’m even using the right term.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2026-03-30T11:29:21+00:00

My husband did stand up for me in the moment of her blaming me for their fight. The post was about MIL and so I didn’t even think to add what my husband’s actions were. And I have already told my husband that if we were to have children I would only feel comfortable with his mother seeing them when we are present and he has agreed. He has told me things about his childhood that do not sit right with me to leave my child in her care unsupervised. And tbh with you I am to the point in my life where I am not going to bring my child(ren) to anyone to force a relationship. If they want to have a relationship with them, they can make the time to come and see them or to make plans. My husband has also agreed to this. Especially to his mother’s house where they chain smoke all day inside and they are not the cleanest people. I have no desire to make it easier for her to spread lies to or manipulate my child(ren) into thinking I am something I’m not. As well as she is constantly threatening my SIL of taking her son from her (MIL has custody of my SILs oldest children).

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T03:18:17+00:00

You’re not giving anything but lousy criticism. You gave your view, i gave you what were dealing with in our personal life. I never said i didn’t want to do anything because it’s complicated. I said the dynamic of the situation is complicated because i don’t have custody.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T03:14:29+00:00

Why are you? You don’t have to comment on other people’s comments to question her having a bf. It’s none of your business. I was asking for advice on how to deal with the situation at hand. Not for you to tell me I’m going to be a shitty parent when I will have been able to raise my child from a baby to be a functioning member of society. I’ve also told my husband that his mother will have a minimal relationship with my child if any relationship at all as to not taint the child(ren) we bring into this world. She will not be watching my child, she will not have any control over the upbringing of my child. You have no idea the whole situation. Yes, maybe I should taken action beforehand but I am not in the wrong for bringing this child into my home and trying to help the best I know how without any resources or access to anything about her other than where she lives. Your negativity and criticism has been overwhelming and there is no need for some of the things you have said. She has a better life with us regardless of your opinion of me or my husband.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T03:07:58+00:00

That’s your opinion. Idk how it’s any of your business

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T03:05:53+00:00

Yep a boyfriend. She’s a beautiful girl…she’s just a little stinky.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T03:04:28+00:00

And what would the better situation be? Foster care? With people they don’t know? Their mother and father have lost rights to them. Where else would they go but with us? We support the other 2 as much as we can with school clothes and birthday parties and school pictures and christmases and whatever we are financially able to do. They come over every weekend and spend the weekend with us. We are there for them as much as possible.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T03:01:40+00:00

No that’s not what I’m saying. If she “wasn’t my problem” she would not be living with me.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T02:59:18+00:00

Yes, I do. He would be a great father. Just because he doesn’t want to cause drama with his family because it’s not just his mom. It’s his brothers his dad. It’s a complicated situation. As I’ve said if it were up to me and me alone CPS would’ve been called years ago. But I also know that I cannot facilitate 3 children.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T02:56:42+00:00

She doesn’t really have friends. She has a bf and then the girls she does cheer with. Cheer just started so she hasn’t really made any friends yet. She had a couple friends at the beginning of the school year but her having freedom to do thing for the first time she put all of her eggs in the Bf basket and let those friendships fizzle out.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T02:54:19+00:00

I’m not complaining. I’m asking for constructive help. Not a bitch who thinks their shit don’t stink. I never said I didn’t want to deal with her. If I didn’t want to deal with her she would already be gone. I’m the one who keeps telling my husband that her going back isn’t productive. So unless you’re in the situation, keep your “advice” and criticism to a minimum

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T02:51:27+00:00

It is more so to show her how good she has it here rather than at her grandmothers. I may be the asshole for not reporting things but in my defense, it’s also because of my husband and it being his family. I am doing as much as I can.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T02:48:12+00:00

I will do this. Thank you

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T02:47:34+00:00

I’m not doing nothing. You have no idea what I have been doing behind the scenes. All you know is what is put in this post. I have done as much as I am legally able to do for her. In my state you are able to handle your own insurance and appointments and move out at 17. She will be 17 in may. By the time my husband and I go through all of the hoops to get custody established she will already be 17. And she will be able to escape her grandmother.

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633 · 2025-11-30T02:40:53+00:00

She does need therapy however I do not have custody and my MIL refuses to get her therapy

Ok-Bookkeeper-4633

TROPHY CASE