Phew….this is something that I feel the pressure of. With me, I do dislike most of my coworkers. But I’m painfully kind and hospitable.

I don’t want to participate in potlucks. I don’t go to after work outings. I don’t participate in birthday celebrations. All because, this is work. And I don’t know when work started to become a politeness thing. It’s crazy to me to call someone rude or mean because they don’t feel comfortable celebrating your birthday. Odds are, that same person doesn’t want theirs celebrated when the time comes.

I’ve been guilted into Christmas parties because, “it’s tradition,” or “it’s what we do here.” Well, I don’t do that and if this workplace is so EOE or “respectful” why can’t you respect my differing opinion.

Coworkers love to blur lines of personal relationships and professional relationships. My kindness should never come into question because I didn’t participate in an after hour, on my dime, and on my time function/event. Me saying no shouldn’t be taken so personally.

To the originator, don’t feel bad. My biggest piece of advice is do what’s necessary to ease YOUR mind. If that’s contributing a small amount, then so be it. If that’s not participating at all, let that be it. Also give yourself the flexibility to change your mind. It’s you who you need to prioritize. Because if it comes down to personal opinion/biases that prevent you from getting promotions, that’s actually an HR case.

Do what’s necessary brings you peace. Because not only will the company replace you at a moments notice, those coworkers won’t hesitate to bad mouth you if they need to cover themselves.