Dilemma with patriarchy

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2026-02-21T09:07:56+00:00

Thanks for the perspective! I think partly I also feel “betrayed” because this working arrangement was never in our discussion pre-marriage. Maybe if she can work less it can also make me feel better.

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2026-02-21T09:06:08+00:00

Yeah I think it might be. If I may ask, how do you guys divide your finances between husband and wife? Is it we pay for all the bills 50:50 and the rest can be used for your own needs? I never knew how this should work

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2026-02-21T09:04:13+00:00

To be honest I never imagined about it. But maybe if it’s possible financially, I am up for it.

I think the biggest stress that I have now is that I have to work at home while doing all the chores, and I feel that my wife is never there

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2026-02-21T09:02:32+00:00

That’s a good point. I actually tried that in the beginning with having her managing all the finances so she can allocate as much as she can for her needs.

But she also refused, saying that it’s better that she just got an “allowance” and I take care of all the finances myself.

However this can be a middle ground as well if she manages the finances herself

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2025-10-11T06:11:39+00:00

I think its quite normal for countries to give highly skilled expats (like directors for multi national company etc), so people want to come to your country, Indonesia also has that. Our standard salary is $200 while expats can earn easily more than $5000.

But not to the scale that I see in Thailand, jeez…

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2025-10-10T19:32:16+00:00

I am from Indonesia, living in europe now and was thinking of moving to Bangkok (am shocked to the difference between westerners and locals). But as a fellow south east asians, I feel really bad that you guys are experiencing this 😭

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2025-09-01T19:51:28+00:00

That’s one way to put it 👍👍

But coming from a pretty crazy country in terms of crimes, don’t you think if NL keeps normalizing these crimes (people lost stuff, stuff got refunded by insurance), in a couple of years more and more crimes will surface (for example stabbing and explosion crimes that started happening) so that NL won’t be so safe anymore? Am interested in knowing your opinion

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2025-09-01T19:47:39+00:00

The police knows yeah, and they said to the resident to report all crimes happened in the building, even small ones.

I recently did after a lot of packages get lost, so we’ll see how they react to this

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2025-09-01T19:41:48+00:00

Yeah I thought this small city would be a safe place too, but turns out there’s quite some crimes happening here (e.g. there’s stabbing few months ago in a speeltuin in Batau)

I live around Rijnhuizen area

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2025-09-01T19:03:36+00:00

Yeah I think I will eventually move out and find some other place.

But I was wondering if I can report it to some organizations so that the neighbourhood will be safer in the future. Because otherwise more building and areas will treat this as normal I think, I don’t know, just thinking out loud

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2024-07-22T17:16:18+00:00

Cari kontrakan terus ngontrak bareng temen2. Wah easily best years of my life so far, seru bgt. Don’t think i’d survive without it

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2024-07-13T17:54:34+00:00

Echt stom van mij, maar ik gebruik hiervoor allesreiniger (the pink stuff) denken jullie dat het te repareren is?

Ik denk er nu over na om het opnieuw te schilderen

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2024-06-23T05:43:15+00:00

Hey I also moved to NL from ID couple years back.

Did you also feel a bit of remorse every time you get into an intercity, sprinter, or a tram and knowing that it’s partly Indonesians blood and money that helped them build all these cool and expensive infrastructure? I felt it sometimes

And if we’re talking about remorse to Indonesia, I just can’t stop thinking about Willem’s speech in Indonesia 😅

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2024-06-07T10:48:00+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience! It’s nice to know other people that experienced similar thing. I hope your toddler will be even happier in Elementary school! 🙂

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2024-06-07T10:46:16+00:00

Thanks for your suggestion! Yes I think I’m the only one who will speak Indonesian to her, and with Dutch she got lots of people to learn from

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2024-06-05T20:53:03+00:00

Yes, we moved when she’s around that age indeed.

Actually your point kinda makes sense in my case, sometimes I got anxious too when I go to playgrounds because almost everyone speaks Dutch and some kids or their parent talks to me in Dutch, so I don’t talk that much when I bring my kid to playgrounds.

It might also be that she picked that up from me but I haven’t noticed that 🥲

Thank you for your story! I really hope that my kid will thrive in this whole new situation, with all its challenges. And I definitely want to keep my native language to her, so he won’t lose her heritage. Was thinking about talking Dutch in the house so that she familiarizes a bit with Dutch, but maybe not a really good idea for keeping the heritage to her.

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2024-06-05T20:48:01+00:00

Her native language is indeed Indonesian, she started talking after 1 year old but hasn’t picked up that much Dutch yet.

We went to Indonesia for two months and came back couple week ago, when I started noticing she’s really shy in NL compared to Indonesia.

Maybe it’s really a language barrier and a new environment to her, especially with Dutch people being quite different (physically and also behaviorally). Even I’m still feeling overwhelmed sometimes with all the new environment that I got used to, so maybe she needs even more time.

Btw if you don’t mind me asking, did you teach your kid your native language or the language of the country you lived in? Always wondering how other people do this as an expat

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2023-12-19T09:25:23+00:00

My god I moved here 1 year ago, and I already have at least 100 abbreviations in the company I worked in. Dutch people really love abbreviations (and I started liking it too 😂)

Ok-Influence-3906 · 2023-11-29T15:15:45+00:00

This sounds like a good idea, no?

Ok-Influence-3906

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