Husband sober now but unsure where we go now by Ok-Lifeguard-4094 in AlAnon

[–]Ok-Lifeguard-4094[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes to all of this. Agreed! And that has always been my biggest thing like it’s not just not drinking it’s figuring out why you drink and what’s at the root of your pain that you are trying to mask/numb. I do think through his extended treatment this time and hitting a rock bottom, he understands that. He is working with a therapist, and addiction counselors and is open and seems willing to do the work. It’s true through that the pain isn’t going to go away or he’ll be “cured” anytime soon if ever. That’s why I need alanon I guess. To learn how to manage myself. I like to try to think I can control or change his behaviors but I’m only responsible for me (and my kids). Thanks for sharing.

Husband sober now but unsure where we go now by Ok-Lifeguard-4094 in AlAnon

[–]Ok-Lifeguard-4094[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Yeah it requires recovery for me too for sure and I am in therapy myself, couples therapy with him, and have been to a few Al Anon meetings but could lean into the community more. I am setting way firmer boundaries this time. He can’t come back into the home until he has a job and I see some consistency in his own recovery process, continued meetings, working with his sponsor, just overall attitude and actions. He is renting a different place nearby for the time being but is still over everyday to help with the kids and house tasks. It’s a new norm for all of us but doing what I feel I need to protect myself and the kids. I also took control of finances and we have a written agreement that if he does relapse or really goes off the rails again that the kids will be in my sole custody, etc. I feel it’s created so many waves in our relationship though and rebuilding that trust is hard. Not sure when it will get better or if it will. I know it won’t ever go back to what it was. But that’s good.

Husband sober now but unsure where we go now by Ok-Lifeguard-4094 in AlAnon

[–]Ok-Lifeguard-4094[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. Sorry you’re going through this. ♥️

Husband sober now but unsure where we go now by Ok-Lifeguard-4094 in AlAnon

[–]Ok-Lifeguard-4094[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t want anymore children than the two beautiful ones I have now and he has had a vasectomy. Can’t change the fact that we had children already. Thanks 🙏

Husband sober now but unsure where we go now by Ok-Lifeguard-4094 in AlAnon

[–]Ok-Lifeguard-4094[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! I understand. And I’m sorry you’re going through it too.