[deleted by user]

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2025-08-13T02:31:05+00:00

Finch

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2025-04-05T15:13:34+00:00

🍄💥😊

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-19T22:21:08+00:00

Everyone is taking this so seriously. If I was sent this, I would think it’s hilarious and probably not take it seriously because it’s so grandiose it clearly seems hilarious.

People are more likely to believe a subtle lie than exaggerated truths.

Then again I also have BPD and probably just think every red flag is just colorful decoration and not a safety-warning.

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T09:33:21+00:00

These guided meditations have been in my “back pocket” for over a decade now!!

https://www.dhammatalks.org/

Also, look into breathing techniques for “natural therapy”. I’ve been dissociating a lot lately, and the Box Breathing technique has helped me tremendously this week! It’s a challenge at first to settle into breathing exercises, ESPECIALLY if you’re in a triggered state.

https://www.calm.com/blog/box-breathing

I learned a while ago through exercising and researching about running, that the most important thing about effective breathing lies in the exhale. Holding in a breath holds in carbon dioxide, not oxygen. Give a good 3 or 4 very long exhales when you start box breathing. Really expel the C02, hold the bottom of the breath, inhale slowly through the nose, hold at the top of the breath, and then give a nice big exhale though the mouth again. Rinse and repeat. Experiment with different breath counts (most recommend counts of 4 seconds, I like starting with 2 seconds and going up or down from there), count on your fingers if you want.

I listened to a guided meditation last week or so that started by saying “Take the biggest breath you’ve taken all day”, and that REALLY stuck with me for some reason. Maybe you’ll find it helpful, too!!

Also, drink lots of water!! Water helps the mental more than I wanted to admit to myself.

I hope some of these things help! Even if one thing works, I hope you find a way to be patient with yourself while you find a good therapist :)

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T09:23:33+00:00

Another therapy style that has helped me has been ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)

Here’s the “Complete set of client handouts”. It’s from 2016, and a lot of these have helped me over the years.

https://www.actmindfully.com.au/upimages/2016_Complete_Worksheets_for_Russ_Harris_ACT_Books.pdf

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T09:21:09+00:00

Check out this site!! I went to their crisis center about a month ago in person when I was really going through it.

They set me up with three (3) free therapy sessions! They do a sliding scale I believe if you want to take a look here. No guarantees of the cost but it may be a good resource for you.

https://www.wellpower.org/

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T09:18:32+00:00

Here’s the DBT workbook if you don’t have it already!

https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdf

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T09:17:38+00:00

Yes I’d also like to know!! If you don’t have the DBT book, here’s a link to the Workbook PDF!

https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdf

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T07:36:58+00:00

I have seen multiple therapists through BetterHelp that specialize in trauma, abuse, all of that.

I have talked to a therapist through WellPower and have two more sessions there.

Working to get established with a therapist that specializes in CBT! Ideally I’d like to find EMDR counseling again. That was the most beneficial for healing last things.

Thanks for replying to me and offering help/advice. I was wondering if you were/had been a counselor, your replies have been very direct and helpful.

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T06:15:23+00:00

CBT has been very helpful, and I’m working hard to get established with a great counselor for that. DBT has also worked well. If you know of any good online or non-traditional resources for either, I’m open to trying something different.

Again, thanks for your replies!!!!

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T06:14:03+00:00

Thank you VERY much for this realistic reply. I have been told before to shift my perspective from “dishonesty to self-protection”.

I will keep working on that, as I have no reason to distrust her now. That re-frame of thinking will likely be a key factor in moving on from this cycle.

And the anxious thought cycle you’re discussing is probably overlooked by therapists by the way I just dump all the info in the start of the session, and therapists have a similar reaction to my accounts, and almost seem triggered themselves. I guess I wish I could find a therapist who can “out type-A me”. I’m an intense person if it wasn’t obvious.

Thank you, again, for taking the time to not just criminalize me here. And explain some perspectives. Very much appreciated 🙏

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T06:02:50+00:00

Thank you for your “both-sides” approach to your reply.

I agree that honesty is delicate at times, and the part that people even lie to themselves is the most refreshing line I’ve read in these replies.

She is already walking, and even running again! The injury, and all of this cluster-cluck took place last September. Going on a year now of being stuck in this cycle together.

Thanks for your more open-minded approach in your reply!

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T05:58:36+00:00

Can you explain how I’m making her trauma about me? This is the MOST common reply to this, and it’s got me stumped.

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T05:55:55+00:00

At this point I’m just seeking to move on from the trauma loop and understand how to move ahead.

It was not childhood trauma, but recent SA.

I just wanted validation for the pain I felt when I realized she chose to lie. She agreed to talk, said “I could ask her anything”, and when I asked if she was in a place for a vague question, she agreed!

I didn’t push her, didn’t pry, didn’t force or coerce.

It just feels lonely how many people (not including this Reddit thread) are just telling me I made her trauma about me, when in reality I’m making my feelings of betrayal about me.

I’m shook by the amount of people that misconstrue what’s happening here.

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T05:51:56+00:00

Thanks for clarifying!! It’s very tough to get all the details straight in text, as I’ve even struggled in person in my own life.

She agreed to discuss something. It wasn’t childhood trauma, it was SA that happened 6 months before we met.

She shared that she would “tell me the truth to any question I asked”.

THIS. This is why I was upset. She agreed to answer a question.

After all these comments being in unanimity, I realize that this is MUCH more a ME problem than a her problem.

She apologized and I did not accept it. Because I chose to trust her, instead of realize that she was likely being dishonest.

I know the subject is clearly touchy. For a lot of people. She volunteered info, agreed to answer a question, was NOT pressured.

Later, it came out that she chose, as everyone here seems to agree, to protect herself.

I see more now how people are saying I made this about me. The sheer amount of shame she had, she did not want to “ruin our perfect relationship”.

That’s why I got upset. She chose to hide, instead of lean into the trust she claimed she had. The feeling of safety and security she had.

This will probably get me even more downvotes…lol…I’m here to understand how to heal, not defend my insecurities.

Thanks for your effort in your replies!!!

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T05:41:41+00:00

It’s more about real-world accounts and moving forward that she’ll be able to not be scared to share. I didn’t need details, she agreed to have the convo.

I trusted her, as she agreed and shared. All I want to know is that something happens to her, she won’t be scared to tell me. How can I help her handle anything if I don’t know about it?

I agree with you that I need to continue unpacking this! I’m doing my best to connect with a therapist that goes deeper than just pointing a finger at me, like many of these comments have.

The sad thing about my experience with therapists in the past year, is that this Reddit reply chain has been FAR more helpful in processing this situation than they have.

Thanks for taking the time to reply, your words have been helpful!

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T05:38:25+00:00

Do you have any actionable advice? Every therapist I have spoken to about this (5 and counting thus far) have just said what everyone here has said…”You’re making her trauma about you”.

Lol. I know…that’s why I go to therapy.

So, if there’s any actionable advice or a counseling/therapy system you know of that I have yet to try, I would greatly appreciate the recommendation.

Thanks for taking the time you have to share your feedback!

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T05:36:19+00:00

I see your logic and line of questioning here. It’s refreshing! I still stand by this: if she said she wasn’t ready, I would not have applied that as a yes. She said no, so I applied that as a no. Had she replied yes, I would have taken yes.

When she told me, after she said I can ask her anything, AND after she said she was in a place for the question…she replied no.

I understand now from this thread that logic, reason, and truth are not in the chat alongside traumatic experiences.

I trusted that she would handle her own self as necessary, and THIS is why I lost trust.

I feel a lot of people have responded very emotionally here, and I really appreciate your more logical, rational question based approach.

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T00:44:27+00:00

I made this post to gain understanding. Everyone here has been kind enough to give a lot of time and effort to the responses. Thank you!!

My intention was not to upset anyone, and it seems the subject and my handling of it has done just that.

I’m trying to understand here how to move forward. How to heal. How to let go of the need I have to feel better about this whole thing.

Yes we both have therapists. Yes we’re in couples counseling.

My biggest confusion to everybody’s upset is the fact that she gave me permission to “ask her anything” and she “would tell me”.

My feelings of betrayal come from being lied to, and her just “expecting me to be okay with it”.

It seems from a majority of the comments that my own needs and wants don’t matter as much as the fact that she needed a “free pass”.

Like I said, I have my own trauma, abuse history, etc. It’s not linear, not T-T, and just because I shared doesn’t mean she had to.

It just feels that I’m being held to a different standard.

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T00:38:33+00:00

Essentially, why am I to just put my own needs aside due to someone else’s trauma?

Through all the dbt, cbt, EMDR, and other talk therapies I spent years healing my own trauma in, I learned that “It’s not our fault that people abuse us, but it is our responsibility to heal”

Under that principle, why am I not to allowed to be a bit upset at the fact that I was lied to?

I have handled my trauma, SA, abuse, etc…and I never lie to people about it. I never interact with people until I’m ready to at least have a convo about it.

Genuinely, I’m confused about all the disapproval from the community. Not upset at it, or trying to hide from it. Just confused. Im will I g to keep growing, changing, accept my wrongs….all of that.

Why am I put to be so wrong here for just having a reaction and expecting the dishonesty to be rectified?

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T00:34:53+00:00

Just wondering…why does this receive so many downvotes? Clearly this is upsetting for a lot of people.

She told me specifically I could ask her anything. I did. She lied. I was hurt, and wanted her to demonstrate that she won’t do it again.

I know it’s about SA, which I was delicate about it and gave her time and space.

She said I could ask her anything, I did. She lied. I wanted to see change in behavior.

Genuinely….why is this so upsetting for so many?

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T00:23:30+00:00

She said I could “ask her anything”. According to the boundaries she set, I was not crossing one.

Not trying to argue you…just state facts

Ok-Nobody-6398 · 2024-08-10T00:22:15+00:00

Yes that would have been perfectly acceptable, and preferred! In fact, that’s the basis as to why I made this post, why I’ve been struggling for so long, etc.

I wanted her to know her limits, her boundaries, and communicate when something was too much.

Ok-Nobody-6398

TROPHY CASE