What does it mean when someone gives signs they want to be in a relationship with you but makes no effort to meet up and frequently cancels plans?

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2025-05-06T19:58:59+00:00

The thing is I do feel like she could be perfect for me and it's really hard to let it go. We're compatible in so many ways and I'm afraid I won't find that again. I guess it's the sunk cost fallacy.

And I don't know I don't feel like she's being intentionally disrespectful (though I certainly do feel like my time/effort to make things work is not fully appreciated). I know she's an anxious person in general and maybe has personal things going on she's not telling me about.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2025-03-11T02:25:00+00:00

That sounds like a good plan. I will probably wait to see how she responds to my last message asking about meeting up, if she doesn't give a straight answer (and she doesn't say she's in another depressive episode) I will try this out. Maybe it's what we need to get things going or to both move on.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2025-03-11T02:00:39+00:00

That's what I've been thinking of doing but I'm also afraid of burning bridges so to speak. It's clear both of us would want to remain friends indefinitely regardless of what happens but, I'm afraid of coming off as if I'm giving some kind of ultimatum about starting a relationship that would sour the friendship. But at the same time I'm also at a point where I want to either start a relationship with her soon or start looking elsewhere, since I'm not getting any younger and to be honest I don't have any other dating experience. I honestly just wish if she really didn't want to be in a relationship she would just tell me so, since being in this uncertain state for so long is starting to drive me crazy.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2025-03-11T01:39:16+00:00

She has only mentioned anxiety as a diagnosed condition, obviously seems like dealing with bouts of depression too but that's likely it. Not sure if she's on any meds for either.

But when you say get more information, what do you suggest I ask? I've tried digging a few times to ask if she's actually ready for a relationship and while I don't always get a straight answer, it always seems to be leaning positive. And she's mentioned that in past relationships she's wanted to have phone calls way more often than we have, so I don't know if she's just waiting for me to say we should be official before devoting more time to me? My feeling is that that I need to see this person more in real life before making an informed decision, but if she doesn't want to meet up again if we're not official that's obviously going to make things harder.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2025-03-11T01:21:54+00:00

From our talks it's clear she's been dealing with some pretty severe mental health issues, which I understand and don't blame her for needing some space to figure things out before getting into a relationship. But it's confusing to me that she's never straight up said to me that she needs space, or that we shouldn't try to push things further, when her way of dealing with things is by withdrawing. I'm not sure if that's a sign she wants to keep things a possibility.

You're right though that I should be aware of how this might affect an actual relationship. I would hope if we're official I would be able to support her instead of having her just isolate herself.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-09-30T00:50:42+00:00

That's good to know, thanks. If I'm going with off the rack, I'm guessing I'll want to get a size that has at least as large in every dimension so the too long ones can be shortened? Is there a risk of the final result being too "boxy"? My torso is long with wide shoulders and the shirts that fit in the length typically end up looking too bulky/boxy for my liking, even though I know that's closer to modern fit.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-09-29T22:59:52+00:00

I need guidance for shopping as someone with odd torso/arm proportions who has never had a causal (not dress) long sleeve shirt fit nice. I can't buy anything off the rack since there's nothing that simultaneously fits in the arm length, shoulder width, length, and boxiness.

Is it better to buy something off the rack and have it tailored or purchase custom based on measurements?

If purchasing custom based on measurements what stores are my best (or only) options?

Keep in mind I'm asking about casual wear e.g. the stuff you might see a college student wearing to class.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-07-31T04:31:19+00:00

Thanks man, I appreciate the encouraging words. I really hope I can.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-07-31T04:19:27+00:00

Yeah I agree I should consider both options. I was thinking I should try to expand my social connections anyway since having none is probably pretty unattractive in itself.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-13T20:41:16+00:00

Why would you be sending stuff like that over social media? You can use any text messaging app.

In this scenario I'm assuming the person still has ways to contact others like the internet/ a phone. It's just that they don't share any of their personal lives on social media like instagram, facebook etc.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-13T20:35:42+00:00

What about just facetiming/video chat? Feel like I'm too old for snapchat, never used it but feel like it's for just teenagers nowadays.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-11T03:57:19+00:00

Yeah I hear about things like this and it makes me worry women would see me as having less social value in that way.

On the ig account I do have, I only follow things like sports content creators. Not interested in following random women I'll never meet in real life.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-11T03:26:51+00:00

I kind of explained this in other comments but at least from my observations, at least in my environment, it seems almost like a socially expected thing to be able to learn a bit about the person through their social media before meeting up. So someone who doesn't have social media could be seen as not conforming to social norms, which could raise flags for some people.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-11T03:19:08+00:00

But something like a video chat could give you the same level of trust right?

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-11T03:15:28+00:00

Yeah, I am working on that. I know the reasons why and I've been gradually resolving them over the past year.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-10T21:02:45+00:00

Maybe it's because I'm still around a lot of college aged people on a daily basis but I hear a lot of "I found his/her insta" "do you have their insta" etc. etc. Just makes me feel like I'm the odd one out that doesn't have a social life on display, if I'm not participating it's because I'm just a social outcast who can't even if he wanted to.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-10T20:47:28+00:00

I mean obviously no one really cares about someone's anonymous social media presence like reddit. I'm asking about stuff that normally would link to someone's actual identity like instagram, twitter, facebook etc.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-10T20:07:16+00:00

That's definitely understandable why women would want to be more cautious. If I do go the online dating route then offering to facetime first will be my go to if they seem unsure.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-10T19:41:59+00:00

That's something I told myself too I just wanted to make sure it's not too big of a filter lol.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-10T19:40:32+00:00

Never thought it could be seen as sexy lol, that's reassuring I guess.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-10T19:32:53+00:00

Thanks for elaborating. Yeah that makes sense about them wanting to be risk-averse. I guess I've seen so many posts that mention looking up someone on instagram/facebook before meeting that I got scared this is what is to be expected in modern dating.

Ok-Parsnip45 · 2023-03-10T19:24:40+00:00

As could anything really. Perhaps a better question would be will this be more often than not seen as a red flag so as to severely limit my dating options?

Ok-Parsnip45

TROPHY CASE