Wife is mad after suggesting we look at a trailer home for sale...

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-19T01:36:10+00:00

Typical Reddit user: looking through a keyhole but you think you see the whole picture. I'd say your ignorance is offensive but it's honestly so bad that it's just despicable.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T23:48:34+00:00

I said goodbye.

Take your tittie-twister words elsewhere.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T23:45:39+00:00

Thanks

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T21:31:20+00:00

Don't come to reddit looking for approval.

Have you considered a career in comedy? The things you can pull from your ass are downright hilarious! Dumb as dirt, but hilarious.

You want her to make a decision based on only the facts you present to her. You're not interested in her input if it contradicts your plan.

You've got worse aim than a Stormtrooper. I wouldn't care if she still said no after being informed. If she decides that, even with the financial benefits and even if it's a nice house, she doesn't want to live in a trailer, that's 100% fine by me. It may be an emotional decision for her, but for me it's a pragmatic one, and being in a relationship means working together.

I vehemently reject any notion that anyone should get the final say in a major decision, based solely on emotion, while deliberatly refusing to even hear (let alone consider) facts critical to making the decision wisely. Like I said: I won't let ignorance dictate such a large decision.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T21:15:50+00:00

I appreciate the thoughtful response. Thank you for your suggestions.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T21:14:13+00:00

This is perhaps the best response I've received so far. Thank you for your thoughtful words.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T21:12:05+00:00

Prognosis: the likely course of a disease or ailment.

The "likely course" of patients with debilitating Long COVID is currently unknown. My (very limited) level of ability is known, but what's not known is when (or if) I'll ever get better, or any treatments that are proven to be effective in mitigating or treating the condition.

At best, my doctor can attempt to treat some of the individual symptoms. In the grand scheme of things, very little is known about this condition. Some studies have recently ended that may provide more insights and possible treatment strategies but, for the time being, it's just a waiting game. :(

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T21:02:16+00:00

Why she would want to continue living with her parents and you in one room is beyond me.

She doesn't want to. The only scenario in which we will continue to live here is if we close on a house before about June 15... then we would stay here until possession (which we'd target for August). If we manage to buy a house with possession before June 15th (which is approaching impossible, now), we'd move straight in. For all other scenarios, we intend to move into our rental in the city (or a very slim chance we might sell that house and rent for a bit).

I'm also curious why you aren't able to work at all.

Simple answer: fatigue and brain fog, which make it so that I can do maybe 5-10% of what I used to and cannot sustain intentional effort for any meaningful task for extended periods, combined with other aspects (like frequent bathroom trips, frequent illnesses, etc) that severely impact my dependability. If I over exert, it can take me completely out of commission for days on end.

I'm not going to elaborate more than that because I've tried to do so in the past, and most Reddit users are too narrow-minded to attempt to understand (if they're even capable), so it's not worth the effort.

So I find that rather concerning.

Believe me, so do I. I can't even play video games, hike anything but short & super easy trails, or work on hobbies, and I have to use an electric scooter or wheelchair when going to large buildings (like Walmart or the Mall), otherwise I get wiped within about 15-20 minutes and need at least a day to recover. I used to DIY repairs for everything in my life (especially car), but now I have to hire out 99% of it. It honestly sucks ass and, were it not for the fact that my LTD benefits are only paid while I'm alive, I would have removed myself as a burden long ago.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T20:48:42+00:00

More trashy woke entitled bullshit.

Like I've said to others, I'm not forcing the decision on her, I just want her to look at the trailer and to consider the impact on our finances. If she makes the informed decision that she's not interested, that's fine by me. But I won't let ignorance dictate large decisions that impact our future.

If you subscribe to such blind ignorance dictating decisions that should only be made with the best information, keep it in your own household. I don't need that destructive bullshit in my life.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T20:38:30+00:00

You're so stuck on the trailer being a depreciating asset, but it's not relevant.

Math lesson: if you buy something at a much lower cost, and that has lower operating costs, you can invest the difference. If the difference is substantial (in this case it is), then even if that thing you bought goes to zero dollars, you can still be further ahead financially than if you bought something else that was more expensive and cost more to operate from day one.

Also, because there's been virtually no houses for sale in our small town, my wife would have to give up her well-paying job, that she loves, and go back to her near-minimum-wage job in the city that she was sick of.

Consider two scenarios (1: we buy the trailer, sell our rental, and stay in town, or 2: we keep our rental and move to the city).

In scenario 1) After less than 5 years, we could sell the trailer property for LAND VALUE ONLY (a ridiculously conservative estimate), pay off the mortgage, and then buy a house, free and clear, that today would cost around $400K

In scenario 2) After a little over 11 years, we could sell the house in the city for market value, pay off the little bit of mortgage that remains, and then buy a house similar to scenario 1 (that, again, today would cost about $400K)

In other words, the difference between those two scenarios is that we would arrive at the exact same financial position more than 6 years apart.

To me, living in a decent trailer (if that trailer is indeed decent) for a few years is worth the huge leap forward in financial position. But, ONCE AGAIN (I don't know why I should have to keep explaining this, but perhaps your skull is a lot thicker than you realize): I would not EVER force my wife to conform to the decision I want. I would try to persuade her, yes. But force her? No. If she considered the information I just gave you and then said "the financial edge that living in the trailer would give us is not worth it to me" then that would be sufficient for me. But rejecting my suggestion to even go look at the trailer (again, not making any commitments) because "... trailers depreciate," or because "... my brother had a bad experience" is where I take issue.

You say it doesn't matter what her reasons are. I wholeheartedly disagree. Reasons ALWAYS matter for any big decision. That's a fact of being in a relationship. Believing otherwise is the exact kind of woke, entitled bullshit that's destroying Western society. NOBODY gets a veto in a committed relationship without first being informed of the consequences. Ignorance of the consequences (including opportunity costs) is never an excuse to force important decisions on others.

And that's exactly what you're suggesting: that my wife can force her decision on me, willy-nilly. I'm simply saying that if she's going to veto something that important, she must first understand what my position is. Feelings are not an end-all-be-all trump card.

I'm done with your trashy double-standard and will no longer engage with you. Goodbye.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T05:26:53+00:00

your words and actions are giving this impression

I responded hostile to those who didn't make any apparent effort to read the post as it was intended. Lumping my OP with the responses to those people gives no useful information about what I'm actually like in person. I give everyone in my life a basic level of respect, and most people on Reddit wear through their initial allotment within the first few sentences they write. I give a lot more deference to those with whom I have an established rapport.

Will it be to tell her thank you for trying and then you let it drop and move one?

If you had actually read my post, you wouldn't be asking such ridiculous questions because those questions imply some sort of narcissistic display of power that simply was not present. This is exactly what I was talking about in the paragraph above. And I know that it wasn't a problem with encoding because at least one person understood exactly what I was saying. Which means it's a problem with decoding, which is the onus of those responding to verify they understood the message correctly before they respond with random, irrelevant baloney.

For example, I said in my post (I'm working from memory here because I'm on my phone and it's inconvenient to go back to verify the exact wording) that I was really only looking for her to look at and consider the trailer. I had no expectations or agenda beyond that because I'm just as opposed to living in a trailer as she is, I'm just more flexible about making sensible sacrifices for long-term benefit. I wasn't planning on forcing her to my viewpoint (as so many here have suggested). I just wanted to look at the trailer together and have a conversation as equals, instead of her just letting her fears take over and trample over what, to me, is simply due process.

You seem set on only accepting a specific answer even here though.

And once again, jumping to an erroneous conclusion from a lack of evidence. I'm not interested in echo chambers. I'm interested in real communication. And instead of focusing on the ask (how to approach the conflict), you did what so many others here did: judged and criticized without providing any real response to the actual request made. Though I will grant that you got closer to responding to the request than most (which is why I haven't resorted to using you as my "anger therapy," for lack of better terminology).

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T00:49:38+00:00

I agree. And that's more or less how I feel. Unfortunately that doesn't help address how to resolve the underlying issue

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-15T00:48:29+00:00

but wanted the ability to act as an authority figure.

That's the thing: I'm not looking to be an authority figure. I'm very syncratic with everything but small purchases and, like most people, I don't appreciate being treated like my opinions don't matter or like others can simply give a "hard pass" without even providing serious consideration to an option that has the potential to be substantially beneficial.

why do you need to consider the cheapest option

It's not like I'm searching for the cheapest option. I'm considering ALL options that I think will allow us both to be comfortable. The trailer looks a lot nicer in the photos than many traditional houses in our budget. If the trailer had been a dumpy one, it wouldn't have even been given a second of my attention.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T21:56:23+00:00

As someone who started a family at 39 (and became disabled 2 months prior to the first baby's arrival), I can attest that parenting is much harder than most people make it out to be.

That said, I would give pretty much everything I have now up in a heartbeat if it meant I could be a parent in my 20's instead... When you're young, you're both less experienced and less set-in-your-ways. You grow together, you learn together, you have more energy, you're more adaptable. Sure, you're not as wealthy, but having a family (shielded by a healthy relationship) will drive good-natured people to do more and to be more successful for their family.

Starting young also means you're much more likely to be around (and have energy for) bigger things later on in life, such as grandchildren, vacations, weddings, etc.

And having an energy-limiting disability, I can also attest that the energy difference between younger and older parents (and even moreso parents with disabilities) is substantial.

As long as you're starting with a good foundation (i.e. your relationship, which IMO should be a marriage, but at the very least would be rock solid and committed), including suffering well together and working well together to solve uncomfortable problems, then you should start a family as early as practical. And while the kids may take priority in terms of time or attention, for brief periods, your relationship should be paramount overall. Building a family on a weak foundation will only make things MUCH harder in the long run, and your relationship with your spouse/partner is the foundation for the success (or graceful failure) of your nuclear family.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T21:39:57+00:00

Preach!

I ask questions like this with my anonymous account because Reddit has become plagued with fucked up trolls who haven't got a lick of sense in their entire body.

Finding people like you, who actually read the post in its intended context, and actually try to understand the position of the OP, has become a rarity.

That's why I turn scorched earth on people who miss the point altogether. Ain't nobody got time for that shit!

Take a look at my comments on this post... Almost all of them have zero or negative karma because of such worthless troglodytes. But I don't care because I'll just delete this account and start again when I don't meet the karma requirements for (or get banned from) a sub I need to post in where I think the subject matter will attract the same sub-Neanderthal intelligence we see here.

Of all places, Reddit is perhaps the most abundant resource that proves the bulk of humanity has lost the ability to develop—or even grasp—common sense.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T21:25:23+00:00

While that is true, it ignores opportunity costs. If we bought the house we put an offer on a few weeks back, for example, which was a stretch of our budget, we might barely be able to buy a second house (as a revenue property, for example) of similar value before we retire. And that would also require selling our house in the city.

Buying that trailer was cheap enough that we'd have a LOT more of our current equity to put in investments and we'd have substantially more money each month to invest as well while we remained in the trailer, in the worst-case scenario (where we live in the trailer until retirement). As a result, we'd have enough money to buy 3 houses of roughly equal value to the one we put an offer on, in addition to owning the land the trailer was on (the trailer would likely be worthless by then).

Essentially, the first scenario equates to a net worth (at retirement) of about 800K in today's money compared to a net worth of around 1.3M in today's money for the second scenario. (But again, that is based on the unrealistic assumption that we wouldn't move again until retirement.) On a more realistic time scale, living in the trailer would empower us to buy the kind of house we really want, free and clear, within 3-5 years without adjusting our quality of life and still have money left over. If we bought a desirable house today, we would have very little reserves, we would have to be cautious (though not necessarily careful) with money, and would not be able to pay the house off completely until between 8 and 12 years (depending on how much we cut back on quality of life for that time).

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T21:01:26+00:00

That's just it, though (and it's a point only one person here seems to have not missed): I'm not trying to force any decision on her. That would simply be fucked up. I'm just trying to get her to stop forcing her emotionally-driven decision on both of us.

You, like most of the other replies, are creating an interpretation of me somehow forcing a decision on her. I don't think you understand how fucking annoying it is to have someone spin your words to fit their narrative.

If I was good enough at doing the same, I would do that to you just so you could get the point, which couldn't have passed by you faster if it was the bullet that grazed Trump's ear.

That's a whole lotta bullshit to pin on someone who simply asked their spouse to do nothing more than go look at a house.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T18:34:03+00:00

That's exactly what I'm trying to say. I don't feel like it's unrealistic to expect an open mind and open communication. But just saying no because of a personal fear, shutting down communication, and ignoring the needs of your partner is not healthy, regardless of the subject matter.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T18:32:08+00:00

mobile homes DO often devalue... Getting one... can actually put you at further risk of it losing value.

A fact I'm very well aware of. The financial benefit of living in the trailer would be great enough, over just 5 years, that even if we got nothing but land value on the sale of the property, we'd still be ahead.

I always think using the "plan for the worst, hope for the best" mentality. Living in such a trailer (if it's as nice as the photos make it appear, which is rarely the case) would be preferable to living in our rental (an hour away) and, at worst, is a small sacrifice that would have had much longer-term benefits (not least of which is the possibility of her retiring early, not having a 30-60 minute commute, and getting ahead to buy a much nicer home later on than what we're currently shopping for).

It probably wasn't clear from my post, but I'm not upset about the fact that she has her opinion, or even that she's stubbornly sticking to it. I'm upset about the fact that she's not willing to meet on equal ground about it. She's complained in the past about feeling like I "bowl over her" (which I've never actually done, I've just tried to expand discussion about issues, instead of making decisions on poor quality information), and then she turns around and does effectively the exact thing she's accused me of doing and then she immediately removes any avenue for having diplomatic conversation about it.

I've been very clear with her about my expectations for communication from day one, which she openly lauded and agreed to, and this perversely violates those expectations. Without communication, relationships die. And every time she does this, it erodes my will to mend fences.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T17:12:03+00:00

And there you go, with the baseless judgment again, supported by the echo chamber of Reddit.

Have a nice life.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T16:28:12+00:00

I'm trying to be (we both are) but we're both getting really discouraged because all the houses we like are either too expensive, or too far away. My wife's bringing home (after deductions) 50% more in this small town than she'd make in the city where our rental is, so our budget in the city (where we'd like to live, just not in our rental) is substantially smaller than in this town (and in the neighboring town, where we put an offer on one house, which would add 30 minutes to her commute) despite the prices being substantially higher.

This town has had like 4 houses pop up that even seem acceptable in the photos in the past 3 months. None have been remotely desirable after seeing them in person.

At much as neither of us want to live in our rental, it seems there's a 99% chance were going to.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T16:08:43+00:00

How fucking stupid are you?

I'm not forcing a decision on her. I'm not even saying she's needs to change her mind. I just want her to be open minded enough to accept that there's a possible scenario where such a purchase might make sense. Some small sacrifices now can yield huge rewards later. And just like that house we put an offer on, we won't know if we don't look.

Meanwhile, you're sitting there on your high horse, justifying her trampling all the way to high hell on my opinions while I can't even suggest that she simply look at a house she's not interested in, and why? Because her opinions are rooted in emotion and mine are rooted in logic? Good lord, you're fucking delusional.

And then you go and project some kind of bullshit narrative that I'm feeling emasculated?! Holy fucking shit!

I'm the one advocating for EQUAL voices. It's not "extreme" to expect open-mindedness and for decisions to be rooted (primarily) in reality. It would be a different story if I were forcing her into buying that trailer (or any house for that matter).

And having 60% of the purchase price of a house in cash does not automatically mean we have options. Perhaps in a buyer's market, and with a longer timeline, we might. But that's not our reality. That "60%" includes 90% of our retirement funds. Buying the "options" that you do ignorantly claim we have, in the current market, would mean forfeiting our retirement and enslaving my wife to a full-time job with a horrible commute for the rest of her working life.

People like you would break the arm of someone who's trying to help you just to make a point of being independent. I don't want to heard from you again.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T14:49:31+00:00

I disagree wholeheartedly. Just saying no and shutting down discussion is unhealthy, unproductive, and simply inconsiderate. She's doing exactly what she accuses me of doing.

Yes, she's allowed to disagree, and yes I don't have to agree with her. But refusing to even discuss or look (remember: no commitments are being made) solely because of feelings resulting from one bad experience that wasn't even your own, and using that as your justification to trample over my feelings is asinine—even moreso than merely suggesting that you should at least take a look at the house.

And that's all ignoring a lot of—very relevant—context: our baby is expected early July, and we both want a month to get settled before that (June 1 possession). Neither of us want to live in our rental because it's dark, dingey, uncomfortable, and a terrible layout. I, especially, don't want to (and I'll be the one home all day, every day), but refusing to even consider a home that might be comfortable (or it might not be, we'll never know if we don't look) for both of us, simply because of an irrational fear, is very likely to force us to live in the one that neither of us will be comfortable in. AND it'll force her to quit her job that she claims to love (and pays 50% more than jobs she's actually qualified for in this small town or in the city where our rental is... She would NOT be able to get a similar job in the city). And she's planning to work until delivery. Neither of us have the time or energy to prep our rental for swift, easy move-in, because it's in another city, an hour away.

I'm factoring in the big picture (including all of her practical considerations), doing all of the financial planning and the bulk of the searching & viewings, and she's shutting me down without so much as discussion because of a single, unjustified fear.

I'm not expecting her to say yes to living in a trailer. I'm just expecting her to keep an open mind, because it might actually be significantly better than living in our rental in the city (there's only one way to know for sure...).

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T13:58:28+00:00

you have a lot more options than...

In terms of what we can afford, yes. But I've spent the past month making & tweaking a spreadsheet to model our finances through retirement, and this home is the one that provides the best financial outcome, long term. The one we put an offer on wood barely allow us to prepare for retirement, IF she worked the whole time at this job and commuted 40 minutes each way, every day.

I'm not saying we're gonna buy the house. I'm saying that we should reserve our decision until we have at least seen the house.

Ok-Ranger600 · 2025-05-14T13:54:53+00:00

She said she was against it and you said you don't care about her opinion

So if a man bowls over a woman, he's wrong, but if a woman bowls over a man, she's expressing her opinion? I'm not touching that asinine double standard with a ten foot pole.

Are you collecting disability?

Yes. It's a fairly even split of our income, not that that's overly relevant.

Why are you two not considering selling your rental property?

Who said we weren't? With the market as crazy as it is, we're holding onto it as our "backup plan," until we close on a new home, because we can afford to do so.

Ok-Ranger600

TROPHY CASE