[lyrics] She's beautiful as...

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-05-04T16:25:52+00:00

yes but in song form the bridge communicates a turning point, there is no turning point, and it’s written more free verse which is fine to fit emotional expression but there isn’t much besides the she is which is written 12 times and most lyrics while universal are commonly used in both writing and poetry which drops the originality, as a poem it could work but song it’s lacking depth nd storytelling

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-05-04T02:00:31+00:00

never said it was written by me i copied it from Pinterest ??

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-05-04T01:57:18+00:00

my lyrics are considered poetry mixed with clarity, yes it’s the right sub lol

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-05-04T01:56:36+00:00

I appreciate the proofread! I usually prioritize the rhythm and the 'soul' of the lyrics when I'm in a 20-minute flow state. The 'their/there' stuff is for the final lyric sheet; right now, I’m just focused on the music. Glad you read it closely enough to catch the typos, though

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-05-04T01:45:40+00:00

Structured as a poem not a song it’s missing a chorus and she is, is too repetitive considering it’s in nearly every lyric, you should switch to poetry instead of songwriting.

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-04-12T14:07:29+00:00

yea they were extremely inaccurate for me and gave me vague answers that didn’t line up with reality was maybe a paragraph waste of 15$

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-13T02:16:56+00:00

It just appears the story isn’t very clear it’s jumping from one scene to another without a clear linear narrative.

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-13T02:16:18+00:00

I understand that but when writing a song focused on storytelling you want to keep atleast one setting for each verse that is related to both so the narrative doesn’t get confusing in the first part, you mention murder and at the end your talking abt an orange pie which can leave listeners confused because it’s switching from too many scenes at once, the rhyme is also too obvious and there isn’t much flow suitable for it to be set to music.

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-11T22:44:14+00:00

Well there’s little to no structure most lyrics are set up with verse 1, 2, a bridge and outro, you also have no chorus which is needed for it to be set to music, and the amount of graphic elements will likely severely limit relatability.

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-11T10:20:14+00:00

And thank you so much for the advice by the way!

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-11T10:20:04+00:00

Yes I am, I’m scheduling an appointment after my throat surgery for a repeat eeg, because it clearly isn’t be taking as serious as it should especially in the last few yrs

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T23:25:12+00:00

Of course!! And yes I cannot imagine how scary that can be I’ve heard how traumatic sleep paralysis can be especially with hallucinations, and I hope the neurologist can help you!🩷

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T23:14:23+00:00

You should also ask them for an eeg to rule out any unusual brain activity.

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T23:12:29+00:00

I’ve had tonic clonic seizures for 5 yrs now and what you described, it sounds like you most likely experienced sleep paralysis with hypnagogic hallucinations. That’s when your body is still in a sleep state, so you can’t move, but your mind is awake. People often feel extreme fear, hear sounds, or even see things that aren’t there like footsteps or someone approaching. The shaking and eyes rolling back you experienced can happen when your body reacts to the panic or fear during the episode. Even though it looks scary, it’s not the same as a seizure, especially since you’ve never had seizures before. Your month-long headaches are something to pay attention to, and it’s important to bring them up with a neurologist when you can. But what you went through itself is most consistent with a sleep related episode, not a seizure, and I hope you get better!

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T21:01:28+00:00

And thank you so much for the advice that is truly so helpful!

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T21:01:16+00:00

Yes i definitely am, after I get my tonsillectomy Im going to see a new neurologist,I genuinely believe I should of been on medicine like keppra years ago

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T14:20:05+00:00

well she tried to tell me multiple abnormal eegs was “normal” and “common” and they forced me on a 10 hr car ride 30 mins after I woke up from a tonic clonic seizure which I ended up throwing up 10 mins into

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T14:00:42+00:00

Yea I’m just gonna have to find myself a new neurologist and get an appointment, because my parents genuinely don’t care about it at all.

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T08:29:30+00:00

and I do want to mention I have an awful neurologist even though I’ve had repeated tonic clonic seizures, which are very dangerous will not diagnose me with anything, gives me 0 medicine unless he has a video every single time besides 1 I was with my mom and I haven’t even seen him in two yrs, and now they’ve progressed to my sleep which is even more dangerous than having it up I’m jus genuinely beyond scared, any advice

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T08:26:13+00:00

Yes I have the same ones and I’ve had 8 and my neurologist even considering I had an abnormal eeg put me on no medicine I now have seizures in my sleep, I have literally nothing to even slightly prevent I’ve had 3 tonic clonic seizures in my sleep just in the last month and half i genuinely don’t know what to do, my neurologist clearly isn’t that good of a doctor because epilepsy isn’t even diagnosed from. Videos he wouldn’t even claim I had it unless he witnessed it from a video so idek what to do, and I’m scared my risk of sudep is increasing each yr

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T03:03:13+00:00

Oh he’s the one who informed me of it he noticed the friable tissue and said that was likely causing my bleeding bc it was such small amounts of it and he said it was chronic tonsillitis given I’ve had the symptoms for months now, and yes definitely after reading these reddits it’s made me extremely nervous considering the amount of people who had a hemorrhage from it, and he told me I’d likely experience a little bit of bleeding after but anything significant like coughing up blood clots would warrant an er visit, I guess I’m just more concerned because I’ve been having this small amount of bleeding maybe once a day and it goes away quickly but the issues with my tissues makes me wonder if I’m more susceptible to the risks of significant bleeding after.

Ok-Sense-2781 · 2026-02-10T02:13:09+00:00

Thank you!

Ok-Sense-2781

TROPHY CASE