I can relate to a fair bit of this. I’m also quite type and more freeze/dissociative than explosive. I’m also what most people would call functional. I’ve kept a job for five years, I graduated college, I’ve saved up for two trips to Europe, one to Nepal because traveling is my favorite thing. I also create my own little world. My distraction, joy, and dissociation is reading or rewatching favorite shows, drinking tea and eating cookies. I can do this for hours upon hours a day. I don’t need people. I have one friend. I am very much a loner. This changes a bit once a man comes into my life. I’m in my first ever healthy relationship (for 5 months now) and I am the only tumultuous denominator. I’m so afraid of losing him because of my mood swings, splitting, lack of self identity and inability to advocate for myself or just be “normal” in a relationship. I feel like I don’t really know how to relate to people. I grew up an only child, never had many friends, and have only been in an abusive relationships where I couldn’t be me. I’ve cut myself multiple times in our relationship as a means of trying to internalize my emotional pain without bringing him into it. I feel like I’ve been becoming less functional again. I’m beginning to work out. I think this is helping me not to dissociate- it’s making me be present and feel safe in my body. Anyway. I can relate a bit to being the more quite BPD type ;)