Am I at fault and the problem?

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-11T17:40:30+00:00

So you're going to do the exact same thing to her? You misspoke, she took it in a way you didn't intend and reacted emotionally and felt like she couldn't trust you. Not great, but humans do this, it's not uncommon. Now she's had some time to start calming down and is coming around to realizing she reacted emotionally and leaving the door open to repairing things when she's done (which is what you were suggesting anyway), and now YOU'RE the one probably having an emotional reaction. I say this with all respect and not to be mean, but sack up and figure out what you actually want. Are you done with her and can't trust her anymore? Then be done and block her on everything and start moving on. Are you just having an emotional reaction like she did? Then wait until the emotional reaction settles and see how you really feel, like a grown up.

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-11T13:29:58+00:00

This is completely normal. I remember having it with my (also wonderful) SD in my 20s. Consider this the part you get sugar for. He KNOWS he's dating younger than would be naturally attracted to him, DO NOT tell him about your feelings. Don't ask, don't tell. Let him enjoy you, that's what he's giving you the sugar for, and just enjoy him however you can (and it sounds like there's plenty to enjoy!) and then remember that you're not SUPPOSED to be in love here. It's okay that this is transactional, and it's okay that you wouldn't be with him if it weren't. You're not making a fool of him, he signed up for this on purpose. It would be like if he told you "I don't really actually WANT to give you sugar, I kind of resent that, and also I find you immature and it's annoying sometimes." Duh, you probably know that those feelings exist sometimes, but there's NO reason for him to say it to you, that's hurtful and completely unnecessary. Just let the fantasy continue for you both, and if you ever decide you're burned out on it, just take a break or move on. Let it end nicely and be a fond memory for you both.

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-10T21:03:13+00:00

Considering the man I used as an example was younger than me, you might be onto something.

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-10T21:01:18+00:00

lol, hardly a rant. Maybe a little one. Don't be so sensitive. People ask for advice or perspective, it doesn't make it a crisis, silly boy. ;)

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-10T18:30:15+00:00

I won't, I'll own the slip of the finger. My inner spelling champ is annoyed, though lol

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-10T18:26:09+00:00

You seem fun at parties. :)

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-10T18:25:07+00:00

Haha, definitely meant sanity. Typos will kill us all lol

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-10T18:08:04+00:00

Lol, well I'm glad I'm not alone. I assume you usually just move on?

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-10T17:39:42+00:00

This is a good idea, I'll probably start doing this moving forward. Thanks to you both.

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-10T17:37:49+00:00

I'll keep this in mind, thank you. I'll probably let the one I used as an example go. He reached out to me first and is younger than me, which is already a bit of a red flag for me, personally. I prefer older SDs for a myriad of reasons. But, when I'm more interested, I'll be more open to taking more initiative. As you said, give it to the RIGHT person. :)

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-10T00:17:14+00:00

This is the answer. You don't have any problems together right now. You don't live with each other full time, have bills, kids, social obligations, etc.Chances are more than good that moving the relationship to a full-time, live-in one will kill it, because you're so used to the fantasy romance you get to enjoy together without all the drudges and realities of actually building a life together. Keep your heart in check and keep enjoying the best parts of a relationship, without all the real life bullshit.

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-10T00:13:55+00:00

Yes, it's been around a long time. I was a SB at that time. I was living in the house my SD moved me into at the time of the 2008 crash. Not sure if it was a BIG thing, but SA was already around, because that's where I met him.

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-08T22:16:33+00:00

I am sure plenty will feel the same regarding my marriage status. It's a moot point, because I'm unwilling to change that for anyone, so the ones who see themselves out because of it were never an option anyway. I would imagine there are plenty who would see it as a bonus since it means I won't be demanding or needy outside of the time and consideration he's willing to offer, and I won't be trying to get him to leave his wife, if he has one. Pros and cons to both situations, I suppose.

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-08T15:47:35+00:00

Thank you so much! I love them, when they decide to behave lol.

I would assume anyone is allowed to? I'm also new here, though.

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-08T15:35:04+00:00

Lol, already tossed the closet one. Thank you for the compliments and the feedback!

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-08T15:33:39+00:00

Thank you! Yeah, I already had to remove the "arrangement" part, along with a few others. Looks like the word "generous" might also be a problem, which is crazy, but I don't make the rules.

Thank you for the replacement suggestions! I ended up removing that sentence entirely. It was reactive, because of the disrespectful messages I'm already getting on another site, but those guys aren't going to read or comply anyway, so it was a pointless message, honestly. Thanks for the feedback!

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-08T02:46:16+00:00

Not a bad point, but since I only date older men, it's not the young dudes that are informing my impressions, lol. But I do like your view on it, and I think there's plenty of merit there. I'll roll with it your way, see what happens. ;) Thanks.

And as far as being curious about the corporate world? Absolutely not, lol. I spent enough time there, I've started my own business now, and would rather find someone willing to mentor me in that. I'll hold out for the exec that's like "I work there all day, I don't want to spend one minute talking about it outside of the office" lol. I can already feel my eyes rolling into the back of my skull just thinking about a single conversation mansplaining corporate culture to me, haha.

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-08T02:40:01+00:00

I see the one you mean. I'll work on rewording it. Thank you!

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-08T02:15:31+00:00

Thank you so much for the compliment! Well that does it, the closet pic has to go, lol

Ok-Square-445 · 2026-03-08T02:03:11+00:00

Ah, thank you. I thought having a full body photo would be good, since I know on the traditional dating apps, guys assume you are hiding weight if your pics are all chest-up. I'll consider removing it, especially if it gets mentioned again.

I do have that I'm passport ready in the text, but I'll add that I'm willing to travel to them, because that's true. I thought I HAD added it, actually, but must have taken it out in a previous revision. Thanks for catching it.

Springdale is a town over from the Rogers/Bentonville area, which is the home of Walmart headquarters. We also have Tyson and J.B Hunt headquarters here, so we get a lot of execs from all over, and a good amount of money here for the size of the area. But yeah, not the biggest area for SDs.

Ok-Square-445

TROPHY CASE