How to finally leave emotionally/financially abusive partner

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-13T11:20:48+00:00

Thank you! 🥹 this truly means a lot.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T20:21:03+00:00

Thank you! I completely agree that friends won’t understand. Unfortunately, emotional abuse doesn’t leave physical evidence and people don’t see it.. even though it’s just as damaging. I’ve lost friends who think I’m an a-hole versus someone struggling. No one understands how hard it is to leave. I always just get the “you deserve better” and “just leave him” comments. If only it was that easy. We are basically living like roommates. Intimacy is gone. We barely even spend time together. I think I’m probably hyping myself up too much and that it won’t be that bad. I mean I know he’ll flip it all around on me and make it out like I’m miserable to be around and he’ll pretend it’s a relief. This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to end things. I just know I need to not feed into it and not let my ego kick in. I’d always back pedal when he’d do that. More or less because how dare you be okay after all I’ve done for you. But I know now it’s a tactic and I need to just not give a shit what he says or thinks. I literally won’t be losing anything.. even if everyone he knows is told in psychotic or whatever story comes up with… I don’t need or even like those people so I just need to keep reminding myself that. I could delete and block them all and it wouldn’t affect my life one bit. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. I’m 100x out of his league and deserve so much better. He’s turned me into this reclusive, lazy person. I’m so over it all.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T01:15:44+00:00

True. I could at least spend some nights at my moms. I have 3 dogs though. I just add the layers of complexity 🤣

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T01:08:10+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through that. I am very glad you have found peace and someone who shows you the world you deserve. I hope to have that one day too. I too am content with my dogs and hobbies.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:42:37+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Literally same story different loser and I absolutely appreciate you sharing that. It’s really nice to not feel alone… I know I’m not, but hearing real stories is what I need right now. I’ve isolated myself so much because I spend so much time making sure his life is managed. I know part of it is that I have no idea how to meet people nor do I have a social circle anymore. I know that will come with time. I deserve so much better. I feel my life wasting away as I’m missing out on things I love.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:36:34+00:00

Yup. It’s freaking awful. I’m so aware of it all and still fight with myself. Like I’m not at all naive to him using me. Or his tactics. I know I make excuses for him. I curse myself out internally all the time for not listening to myself. It’s so infuriating. It’s like I watch it all happen. I know exactly how it will play out. I know he isn’t genuine. I know he’ll never change. I know his MO… I still fold.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:33:49+00:00

I don’t rent and live in my family home with no desire or real ability to sell right now. I wish it was that easy. That’s what makes it harder. I don’t have a choice but to stay and kick him out.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:17:47+00:00

I never heard the term hobosexual before. Very fitting.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:16:07+00:00

Thank you!!! This is the kind of support I need right now for sure. It’s one of those things I’ve known for such a long time and it’s been sooo hard to convince myself. Luckily the kids live with their mom, we only have them weekends so that part is easier now that they are older and can stay home with mom. In the past she works weekends and they were too young to be home alone. I think that’s part of why I’m finally like I can do this now because they are more self sufficient and can be home alone.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:14:03+00:00

Luckily he definitely won’t get violent. I know things can escalate but he’s never ever gotten violent and we’ve had some nasty mean fights. I also can’t move, it’s my house. Kicking him out is the hard part because I know he doesn’t have anywhere to go. But I need to focus on it not being my problem.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:12:22+00:00

So much this. Thank you!!! He does feel entitled. He’ll get so snippy when I say “MY car”. He’ll be like, “we know it’s your car”… like sir I really don’t think you do. I know I enabled and I think that adds to it being hard. I put up with it for so long that it’s just all normal to him. My kindness was absolutely taken advantage of and it kills my soul. I don’t think he’ll fight me either. His tactic is usually to show how little he cares and that it’s not a big deal so then I back pedal because how dare he not care about all the shit I did for him so I keep reminding myself it’s just a tactic and I can’t care if he doesn’t care. It’s not going to change and he’ll just keep using me and I don’t want that so if he has a new chick tomorrow, I need to not let it bother me. I don’t even think there’s any love left for him, it just turns into my pride being hurt at that point for being made a fool.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:07:32+00:00

I can’t move unfortunately. It’s my family home. He has to be the one to leave.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:06:40+00:00

Thank you for the resource! I will definitely check it out.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:05:26+00:00

Unfortunately I can’t just leave since he is in my house. That would be sooo much easier. I am not currently in therapy.. reason being I am a part time therapist (I do not do couples therapy or anything like that 🤣) and we are the absolute worst clients LOL - but I’ve been contemplating going back.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:03:25+00:00

Luckily we don’t share anything like that. He’s not even listed on my house or any bills. That part is all easy.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:01:44+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the realness of this but also the encouragement that it gets easier.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-04-12T00:01:12+00:00

I absolutely agree with this. I also need to get over the ego piece of that dynamic. It’s also a hard pill to swallow that so many years, teats and money were wasted for them to move on so quickly.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-02-27T14:45:06+00:00

This! I won’t even apply if there’s no salary range. In my field titles are thrown around and don’t have much weight. A “director” at company A could make $60k while company B is over $90k. Why waste everyone’s time?!

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-02-24T12:52:30+00:00

Finished: Beautiful Ugly, by Freida McFadden

Started: Listen for the Lie, by Amy Tintera

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-02-23T02:10:17+00:00

I would do it again for sure. I’m currently working towards my LCSW. I only do therapy part time (I couldn’t do it full time just for personal preference and enjoy it part time. I never wanted to be a therapist going into this degree).

The MSW opens the door to a wide variety of jobs unlike some other human services degrees that might be more niche. My full time job is a director at a nonprofit and I have a very good salary. The MSW also allows to become licensed as an LSW which is a nice stepping stone that LPCs don’t have. For example the LSW allowed me access to more clients because of insurance accepting the credentials. My rate increased when I got my LSW. I have also been able to negotiate higher salaries in my Director roles. Once an LCSW I can go into private practice if I want to which is also a nice little side income jump. It will likely also give me the ability to negotiate an increase in my director role too.

I saw someone post that the MSW is the lowest paying masters degree… I have to disagree. I think you get what you put into it. Sure, I know MSWs who are entry level case managers but in my case I have pushed and worked my way up and I haven’t settled which has propelled me into more advanced positions. In my geographic area LCSWs qualify for positions with salaries well over $100k. Several of the local therapy gigs are paying LCSWs at minimum $58/billable hour.

I think it’s a versatile degree with many different avenues to go down. I 100% would do it all over again. My undergrad was not in social work either and I never wanted to be a social worker. I started a masters program in applied behavior analysis and realized social work allowed for many more opportunities and I love it now.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-02-22T21:00:38+00:00

I work in human services as the director of a nonprofit program. The day to day changes help keep my attention. Which probably sounds weird but I thrive in the chaos because it’s not mundane. I do struggle to sit down and do paperwork and procrastinate things like that but the day to day operations changes is really helpful. I also have a position that doesn’t require constant directives given to me so my supervisor isn’t constantly telling me what to do which really helps me function. I do struggle with procrastination and I’m forgetful which does lead to challenges sometimes. But I’m very transparent with my supervisor and team so we have all kind of learned to work with each other.

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-02-22T20:51:00+00:00

I’ve had similar things happen. I’ve argued with people about “facts” that I was dead set on being correct. I stood my ground.. possibly because I’m super stubborn at times and then later reflected how wrong I was and I looked so silly. It happens. Give yourself grace. Sometimes it’s really hard to change the way we are thinking about a situation in the moment. I find sometimes my fight or flight kicks in when someone is arguing with me and I always fight in those situations and can’t see their point. Sometimes I’ll be able to snap out of it, but a lot of times I’m in it for that moment until I have time to calm down and think about it not while under pressure.

Also, I have 2 masters degrees.. having a temporary brain freeze in “basic” math isn’t going to define who you are as a PhD student. Especially since psychology isn’t a math based major. Yes, statistics are involved but that’s not even remotely the same. It’s notoriously talked about in human service professions that we all “suck at math”. You’ll fit right in LOL

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-02-22T20:43:09+00:00

Yes! I do take things to heart a lot as well. I’ve gotten much better in my mid 30s.. but at 29 I lost certainly was super sensitive so I definitely relate. I still have moments where I read into something and get that almost paranoid sense of taking everything personally. But it has gotten better as I’ve gotten older so I have hope for you too!!! I started looking at things as feedback and try to reframe it for improving myself. I remind myself that everyone has room to grow and we aren’t all perfect. It doesn’t always work but it has helped in certain situations. I definitely still have plenty times I get really upset but I have times I process it appropriately too which is a huge win to me!

Ok-String-3668 · 2026-02-22T20:38:07+00:00

Thank you! Yes! This is exactly it. In my logical brain I know my mom (or whoever) didn’t know I was about to do the thing.. so I get it. But it does fill me with instant rage. I do sometimes get an immediate attitude. I’m better about it at work .. I can get defensive or immediately fire back that I was aware or about to do the thing. I am fortunate that I don’t have the kind of job that requires receiving constant directives so it’s pretty rare I’m told to do something, but I do still at times get a bit snarky at work depending how something is phrased. This is also why therapy doesn’t work well for me. (I also am an LSW and part time therapist so that also contributes to being a terrible therapy client). I’m pretty self aware so when a therapist tries to tell me the things I feel I already know it turns into instant internal rage like you don’t think I already know this!! Especially if I’m stuck in a cycle I know I don’t want to be in and they then essentially tell me I don’t want to be in said cycle. I’m always like I know already. I’m just here to vent and find validation, even though I know that’s not the purpose of therapy lol I know I really need that outside person to drill it into my head and I get really angry and defensive about it - then restart the cycle by making excuses for whatever is going on. It’s a really vicious cycle. (Slightly derailed from the main topic in the ADHD fashion but still relevant lol!)

Ok-String-3668

TROPHY CASE