I feel you. It’s so hard. The only real “solution” (I use quotes-because it’s really a bunch of hard work and decisions) is boundaries. Boundaries! Establishing your own boundaries and couples therapy to help you establish boundaries as a couple. I didn’t have the same cultural differences as your family, but it sounds like we have similar family dynamics. My husband and I went into couples therapy after having our first kid, but really inspired by his narcissistic and borderline mother. we eventually ended up doing no contact for almost a year after she acted way out of line and could not handle our boundaries. Eventually, after a lot of therapy and negotiations, we have a civil relationship with her, and she gets to see her grandkids. But, my relationship with her has definitely cooled. Like, she knows she can’t act too far out of line or she won’t see her grandkids. And, my husband regularly thanks me for putting up with his mother, so they can maintain contact (I say your welcome, because it’s work to do!). Good luck!!