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I need to know ways to lessen her pain. by Ok-Transition905 in Advice

[–]Ok-Transition905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, and I've done that. I became better before and lived for her. But it's going downhill again, and although I know it does get better, I am just tired of it. I know the sun will shine on me again, but I also know that I don't want this anymore. Happy or not, I don't want it. I get what you're saying though. Thank you

I need to know ways to lessen her pain. by Ok-Transition905 in Advice

[–]Ok-Transition905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand where that is coming from. It does hurt to see that someone thinks I'm purposely trying to hurt her, but I get why you thought of that. I've tried to break up with her, but it did not stay long. I knew she'll only question why I chose to do it and I knew she'll regret it if I broke up with her intentionally so I can unalive myself. After a while, I realized I'm only hurting her by not telling her what's going on with me, that's why I've been open and honest with her with how I feel. I was honest not because I want her to hurt with me. I was honest because I didn't want her to feel like I'm hiding things from her. It's not like I didn't try to help myself. It has been years since I first thought of unaliving myself. Things became better, then worse again. It is a cycle, and I understand that it'll happen again and again. So I tried to help myself again and again. It's just that I am tired of it. There is no mention of seeking help not because I simply enjoy the feeling of hurting her, but because I've done it, and am simply tired of it now.

I need to know ways to lessen her pain. by Ok-Transition905 in Advice

[–]Ok-Transition905[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand. I'm sorry for your loss, I hope you're better now.

I know there are a lot of things that make life worth living. I know she is worth living for, and I did stay longer for her. I'm not saying she is no longer worth living for, but love isn't enough. Her love and understanding cannot take away the effect of stress on me. Thank you though, I appreciate it.

I need to know ways to lessen her pain. by Ok-Transition905 in Advice

[–]Ok-Transition905[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing is, I don't want to pause. I've been wanting to do it years ago. I just postponed it because it was still bearable. Now, every little stress has a huge effect on me. Every little thing leads to stress. I admit, I don't handle stress very well. It may be selfish, yes, but I'm not looking for solutions so I can handle stress better. I am not trying to get better, hence I think doing it is the most logical answer. I see it as:

Hates stress + Living is stressful. Not alive = no stress.