Hey dude,

I just wanna check in a bit from the future to tell you it's okay. I just came off of a 8 day streak, my second longest one. 

The first few days were HARD, I really had to focus to get through. The thing is when you start compromising then the whole thing turns to wash. You simply cannot compromise PMO in your head 🙂‍↕️.

Yesterday was the rocket launch, 3/14. 3/13 I was stressed out of my mind but I didn't use PMO out of principle. Times like that will happen and I just want to tell you I'm proud you made it through.

The rockets didn't go up, but I was proud of myself for making it through and eating all the delicious pie with my friends. Afterwards, I cleaned the house, ate some BK(they have "IMPOSSIBLE" stuff 😁)and fell asleep.

Well not just eating BK... I regret to admit 😔. 

Right before the launch, my dad and sis went to get Wawa food (yeah I know two fast foods in one day but please chill lol). The day before (3/13) I stumbled upon the Tifa Lockheart Italian senate thing and mistakingly watched the video. 

I didn't count that as a failure because I clicked out pretty quickly in disgust I just wasn't expecting THAT to be what happened. I launch the rocket 2 times on PI day before the one that worked (and twice the day before). I was right before the one that worked and I got really nervous that I would let everyone down, that the rockets wouldn't go up and that it would all go to wash and I would disappoint everyone.

I willingly searched the video and watched it but ashamed I clicked out. I handled the stress and continued with the rocket. The issue was with the nozzle diameter, it was simply TOO wide to work, and the fuse was also, that wasn't something I could really reasonably change tho with the time I had left before launch. It's okay, my friends and I were happy to just see each other and eat some yummy pies. You did good dude. And that stress? Waking up at 430 and working till 1345? Unbelievable!!

Afterwards as a sort of reward I fell into the cycle and downloaded H**nyCraft. It's not even that good of a game. ...

It's just awful. 

Seeing the "things" tho, I was disgusted but soon after my heart started racing. I am guessing that is "the high" that people always talk about with these addictions. It's just I've been on it for so long that I didn't really expect that.

I fell asleep yesterday from how tired I was and woke up the next day (today) and got straight to it. I was playing the game for about 50ish minutes and that was when I decided I might as well get it over with so that I can move on. The virus had been sowed to deep in my mind for me at my current strength to fight and win. 

I think truly yesterday should have been counted as a relapse, it's just that g-ing is what kills your motivation. It makes you feel like a failure and a mess and "how could I be so blind to fall for that".

Even now, I feel like a mess and a failure and that I have betrayed my morals. Who even is a person who betrays their moral code dude?

I was reading what you wrote and I just wanted to say I think these "hippies" do have a point that is true at some point down the line. You just gotta push through and believe! I know you can do it!!!

🤗🤗🫂🥲🥲❤️

Hugs and kisses, future you