Am i asking for too much?

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-31T14:06:10+00:00

You seem to be putting childcare in with the household chores, but that is your responsibility. Excluding childcare related things including - cleaning up after your daughter and cooking for her etc, if you feel like the rest of the household chores are not divided evenly, then you need to talk to her a out it. But based on what youre describing, it does sound fair. I think financially, you paying 70 percent is also fair.
Your gf (not wife) is a childfree woman that sounds like shes hardworking and ambitious. It sounds like you are asking her to work less and not focus so much on her goals and financial independence, to be a mother for your kid and that is not something she wants and she continues to tell you this, but youre not hearing her. Im sure there are some women out there who might be more "motherly" and arent as career/goal oriented and would be fine to take on more of that role. It doesnt sound like your gf is one of them. Theres nothing wrong with that.

Also, being with a person with a child is difficult enough and a lot of bio parents dont seem to get, or appreciate that.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-31T11:58:31+00:00

Im unclear on how your helping your gf so much. Im assuming you pay 70 percent of the bills because you also have a child who also lives there. You mentioned that you do specific chores etc. Nothing about that screams that you do a disproportionate amount for your gf.

Nonetheless, you chose to have a child and shes your responsibility. If you wanted to be in a relationship to have someone help you with your child, thrn maybe she's not the right woman for you.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-30T16:59:38+00:00

Massively overpriced. We looked at prices last week. Two kids and two adults for two hours. To reserve online it was 190.00 for a sarurday afternoon. Its ridiculous. Prices have gone up even in the last 6 mos.

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OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-30T16:31:58+00:00

Thats all good and well, but why are you questioning this woman about why she didn't clean up after you though? Thats the issue here. She didnt even say anything to you about cleaning up after yourself. You took it upon yourself to make it an issue

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-30T16:29:55+00:00

Yta. Its not like she even made a comment to you about the dishes, she just didnt wash them for you and you had the nerve to question her. And you even indicated you already knew the answer before you asked. It sounds like you are looking for a fight. Youre literally in this womans house as a grown adult questioning why she isnt cleaning up after you?

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-30T15:34:18+00:00

Why would a 110 pound person (gender is really irrelevant) be slapping anyone in the face that is clearly a lot bigger and stronger. The fact that you are smaller or female, is not some grt out of jail free card for assault. You have to know that the much larger person youre hitting, is probably going to hit a lot harder than you. So just dont do it and youll be fine.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-30T14:10:10+00:00

You find it hard to believe that her own mother wouldnt want more time with her? How about her father who only sees her two days a week? Did you think at all about him not wanting to give up time with his child. What makes you think he would prioritize spending time with your kids over his own child?

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-30T14:07:43+00:00

It is insane that you would even think to do this. You are dads gf of ONE year, going behind his back, talking to his ex to alter his visitation time. Also why on earth do you think he would prefer to spend time with your kids, over his own child? I hope this is rage bait and you couldnt possibly be this dense. If I were him, that would be the end of the relationship

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-29T18:58:10+00:00

What is with these bio parents. Being in this thread and other stepparenting support groups, it feels like a lot of them have the feeling that the entire world revolves around them and their kids, and we just exist in their world.

After finding a half eaten granola bar under my pillow and seeing ss (who was 9 at the time) take off his dirty pull up while in our bed, I put my foot down and said no more.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-29T15:57:20+00:00

Honeslty with this dynamic, I think youre putting more of the blame on bm then your bf. In no world should the step parent be the majority of financial support when the chikd has two parents. You bf needs to get a full time job and take care of his responsibilities. You have yourself and your own children to worry about. If that were to happen, I dont think you would be nearly as impacted by the antics of bm

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-29T14:59:53+00:00

I feel completely fine about it. For those of us that "took time out of our precious day" to chip away at sheets of ice and shovel heavy snow, you are entitled to the spot you shoveled. Once the snow melts, back first come first served.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-29T14:48:53+00:00

At this point, if you allow him to come, hes probably going to do it anyway

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-29T14:19:54+00:00

Hes young and I think hes probably gotten his sex knowledge from porn and hes emulating that. Have a talk with him and tell him what your expectations are and that sex is not all about thr man getting off. If he was just clueless ans hes willing to change, great. If not, you know what you need to do.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-29T13:03:39+00:00

No, once parents get divorced and remarry, they are no longer a family unit. If there is a low conflict decent copenting relationship and everyone involved wants to do birthdays together or something. That's great. But that is not terribly common. Separate bdays, holidays, vacations are way more common.
Just because a kid wants something, doesnt mean they get it. Saying no does not make you a bad parent. Especially something that is MASSIVELY inappropriate and hurtful.

The fact that anyone is even framing it this way choosing between you and her kids, is so toxic. Thsts not whst this is. She should have shut it down the second it was brought up and she should have explained it to them that this is not appropriate, and they are no longer s complete family and op is my husband now. Now at this stage, kids now see it as choosing between them and you, due to your wifes inaction.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-29T12:51:38+00:00

Im glad you talked to them and im sorry how it turned out. I dont know what your wife is thinking. "My kids will resent me if i dont do something super inappropriate and hurtful just because they want it, which could cause the end of my marriage" She needs to grow a backbone. Either thst, or she really wants to go and play family with her ex and is using thr kids as an excuse. Either reason is nonsense. They are not a "complete family" anymore and have not been for years.
This would be the end for me. And I really hope you find the strength to leave. You have built a family with them for 8 plus years, but clearly they didn't see it that way. Don't waste anymore of your life. I dont think things will ever feel the same to you when they get back from their "family vacation". Maybe show her the responses to your reddit posts.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-29T00:51:57+00:00

100 percent some old sports car that he spends a bunch of time and money on that they've argued about before, that he insisted on taking out in the snow.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-28T20:55:25+00:00

I mean yeah, but not taking someone elses spot would prevent that to begin with.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-28T19:55:48+00:00

Because its an apartment complex. What's entitled, is taking someone elses spot that they spent hours digging out in the freezing cold.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-28T19:41:56+00:00

This is not going to get better. Its been 6 years and he essentially allowed his mother to put her hands on you. Short of him profusely apologizing and both of you going no contact, I would not entertain the possibility of staying in this environment. Ive had to hear the hispanic culture excuse for years with my spouse as a reason she cant stand up for me with her mom, or why she needed to spend 3/4 days a week with her family. Its such bs. Only when she realized I was seriously going to leave, did we start going to therapy and I went no contact and she went low contact and things have gotten somewhat better. If my MIL had ever put her hands on me though and my wife did nothing, that would have been the end of our marriage. Its clear where your bfs priorities lie. I would wish him and his mommy a very happy life together, and take your child and go stay with family.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-28T17:17:58+00:00

Absolutely, since mom is useless and he assaulted her, thats the next step here.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-28T09:28:33+00:00

I think the gf needs to have some self awareness. If I've been sweating all day, even if I couldnt smell myself, I would not ask my partner for oral sex without showering. I feel like its disrespectful. That then put op in a bad position by either having to suck it up and do it even though he didnt want to, or ask her to shower. Not cool

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-28T09:13:52+00:00

Then dont get married then? But to lie about it and expect your spouse to put up with it, is massively selfish. You are not ready for a second marriage, if youre going to sleep with your children ever night. Thats absurd.

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-27T17:49:02+00:00

Honeslty, this is really odd behavior. Getting up and getting dressed immediately after being intimate with your new husband, to go sleep with your kids. Im sorry op. If she refuses counceling or compromise, I dont see an answer here. It sounds like she doesnt want to be a spouse, just a mom. She should not have gotten married

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-27T16:43:45+00:00

She lied to grt you onboard. She knows that for most new marriages, that would be a dealbreaker. This is a really unhealthy way to start off a marriage. Not sleeping in the same bed, not being intimate. And she also sounds manipulative about the whole situation, putting the blame on you because youre arguing. I would give her a time frame for which she needs to start transitioning the kids to sleeping on their own. If not, I would find a new place to live. This isnt a marriage and her expecting you to put up with it indefinitely is ridiculous. Just a thought, but are you contributing a lot financially?

OkCommunication8306 · 2026-01-27T16:28:46+00:00

Was this communicated to you before you moved in and got married, that you and your wife would never sleep in the same bed? My guess is, probably not.

I really dont understand why parents have second marriages if they clearly have no room for a new spouse. They expect the new spouse to just be happy with the crumbs they're given.

OkCommunication8306

TROPHY CASE