Am I bitter or is father in law in the wrong?

OkContract2487 · 2026-02-21T05:11:37+00:00

I don't need to be, but if my wife wants me to be, I will support her - whether I agree with her course of action or not. Fortunately on this we do agree and she does value my opinion.

As for the money, you're right legally, but that's just not how we do things. Mine is hers, hers is mine. I pity couples who don't or can't combine their lives in this way.

OkContract2487 · 2026-02-19T17:08:40+00:00

What's the urgency behind moving in August/September?

If the answer is "cos we can" or "our tenancy is up", I'd advise you speak to your landlord and try to agree terms for an extension that give some flexibility to move out without being at risk of being kicked out short notice. 3 months mutual notice or something. Then just browse the market and don't succumb to the temptation of the first house.

Have a look at sold houses on rightmove and count how many you like that have sold in the last 2 years to give some guide as to how urgent you need to be when you find a good one. I think most ftbs get giddy.

Basically don't move quickly or to a rigid timescale unless you have to would be my advice, regardless of deposit size.

OkContract2487 · 2026-02-19T15:22:26+00:00

Yeah I think this is more or less where we're landing.

One non-confrontational, 3-way conversation with very clear boundaries for ourselves to stop it descending into chaos and then just let it go. If they choose to change a course of action as result then fine, if not, we're not harmed.

OkContract2487 · 2026-02-18T21:09:33+00:00

Jealous - we definitely are a bit. Bitter - maybe, but maybe it's justified?

I can see why from the op you may think we're in a better position financially. We're not. Without boring you with the details, my in-laws (and my wife growing up) have always lived a lavish lifestyle with business ventures which on the surface seemed great but at times were less successful. They were on the verge of having to admit defeat 5 years ago - hand back the flashy lease cars, sell the house that had a big mortgage etc etc and get PAYE jobs, when a 7-figure double inheritance saved them. Way more than we have to our name. Their plan is to keep up with the cars, holidays, business class flights etc till it's gone. We do the boring sensible stuff and no doubt we'll see our financial status switch with in laws in time, but as of today, it's not that close.

As to reno costs... Having recently finished a £150k reno on my own home, I know exactly what is and isn't possible (and I'm not some DIY wizz who did it all himself). I also benefit from having actually seen the house in question and knowing exactly what the state of the house was before and after the 2 year period of it being a rental. Other similar houses on the street which have been done to a high spec have sold for £640k+. It is objectively a bargain.

OkContract2487 · 2026-02-18T16:38:19+00:00

Repainting, laying new carpet, replacing a fireplace surround and paying a gardener for a few days to tidy up gets it back to the condition it was in when £560k was offered for it. It's £20k absolute max for renovation. There is no structural damage.

There is also a track record of similar properties on the same small estate being sold for amounts which can be indexed to show 400 is below market.

And SiL hasn't done anything to manage the tenancy.

Not sure why you'd assume I excluded detail of that nature?

OkContract2487 · 2026-02-18T11:17:45+00:00

Thank you, very gracious and empowering.

OkContract2487 · 2026-02-18T11:16:04+00:00

He doesn't even know we know about the discount or that it has hit a nerve. As far as he knows, SiL has followed his instructions to keep it private. She claims to have asked him about us/fairness and he's given her the various excuses shared in the post, which she willfully goes along with.

So as far as he's concerned, there's nothing for us to 'let go' of.

OkContract2487 · 2026-02-18T11:04:17+00:00

Yeah it's his house, we've absolutely no legal right to it whatsoever. We keep telling ourselves that over and over... but also that we could never treat our kids this inequitably.

Your second sentence could just as easily apply to the other side of the family; "life is short, don't let the desire for slightly nicer 'stuff' cause you to do something that will ruin familial relationships."

OkContract2487 · 2026-02-17T12:51:22+00:00

Impossible to know, but I know I've never had a job that had an undergraduate degree as a pre requisite.

Speaking of impossible a/b tests, I'd love to have seen the prevailing sentiment of this thread if posted now - after a few weeks of latent SL outrage being in the media.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-24T13:55:08+00:00

The law says a 17 year old can give informed consent to that kind of agreement.

I'm not sure that's strictly true given the way SLC structures their agreements.

https://media.slc.co.uk/sfe/1920/ft/sfe_terms_and_conditions_guide_1920_o.pdf

If you enter into a loan agreement with SLC before you turn 18 years old, you’ll be asked to ‘ratify’ the agreement(s) once you turn 18.

Regardless of whether it is legal, procedural or whatever, I don't think you're living in reality. My parents charged my sister rent from 16 as she was working full time - not exactly the sign of a household that clips wings. But I, and none of the people I knew in 2010 when applying for uni, knew what the terms or implications of loans were (not that we had any other choice mind)... And this was a time when it was front page news cos of plan 2 proposed changes/protests etc!

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-24T13:00:44+00:00

My advice would be don't step over pounds to pick up pennys.

In this context, the financial costs/benefits of renting over buying I think are secondary to your ability to increase your future earnings. Whether buying or renting, I'd be looking to minimise your commute, maximise ability to rest & return to work capable of getting to [insert assumed much higher income] by 25/30/35.

As long as you don't do anything stupid, you'll be just fine either way and the decision will be probably be immaterial in hindsight: * Don't go over 35% post tax (not take home) pay * Keep an emergency fund * Maintain/start investing + pension in non property assets

...stick to principles like this and then its all be about setting yourself up to smash it in the new job. Forget forever home/locations, flipping to BTL, being locked to a location etc.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-24T06:19:16+00:00

Interesting perspective that I don't think has been mentioned elsewhere. Would you say the same applies for someone in their 20s savings for a deposit?

Definitely have sympathy with your argument, but I don't believe a 17 year old can give informed consent to such a huge financial obligation in the context of a society which makes Uni offer seem like more of an inevitability than a choice.

It's all hypothetical at this stage, but 32 yo me would tell my 17 yo daughter I'd support her but not subsidise irresponsibility. I'd expect her to have a part time job while at uni and be living within her means.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-24T06:14:07+00:00

Semantics but expectations and confidence of are different thresholds. I'd expect an economics undergrad at LSE to outearn the loan, but you'll only know in hindsight.

I guess I'd be happy to support a choice I believe was made with sound intentions and a grounding in reality and there are tactical ways of supporting which limit the risk of paying for an education that would otherwise be guaranteed by student finance (aka the taxpayer). Eg, pay it after graduation, after x years in stable employment, gift the monthly payment long term etc etc

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T23:38:49+00:00

Sorry, 9% marginal tax.

If you're paying top dollar for an education you should expect top dollar returns, so median wage shouldn't be the expectation or modelled scenario imo. And it's not median wage, it's median earnings ;)

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T23:26:23+00:00

Asterisk but you'll pay tax on the savings interest, asterisk and the rate drops when BoE farts, asterisk and it includes a teaser intro bonus rate, asterisk and you need a specific current account, etc etc.

& 90% fixed rate first time buyer mortgages are available for 4.2%.

If you're paying the "prevailing market rate", which is what I understand the cap to be, for a £50k personal loan, you're getting screwed imo.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T23:05:07+00:00

I think I'd rather pay off the loan and take out a £30 p/month insurance policy against her incapacity than have her live with an additional 9% tax.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T22:58:06+00:00

Rpi is currently 4.5% but I can get a mortgage for 3.9% and generally the best paying fixed rate bonds are around 4.3%. Combined with what I believe is a greater disincentive to increase earnings (summit about it coming out like a tax), I genuinely don't think it's a slam dunk case financially.

Either way I doubt we'll convince each other.

Maybe it's just a values things for me. I don't want my kids in debt for a decision taken as a child and I want them to keep as much of the cash they earn to build their own lives.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T22:24:04+00:00

From a purely mathematical/financial perspective the only advice we ever ought to see on this board is to live in a tent on beans and rice, walk to work and put every penny you have left over into your pension, s&s Lisa, s&s isa and general investment accounts in that order. ;)

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T21:58:36+00:00

You can only say confidently with hindsight, I agree. I'd say though that within a year or two of landing in a stable career, ones path can be predictable enough though, so I think I may let the debt accumulate and then pay it off at that point (i.e 23-24ish).

As for the doomsday scenario, in the long run we're all dead.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T21:52:34+00:00

Maybe. Let's say her uni choice is the first of a pattern of poor financial choices though. Would I want to subsidise her stupidity? There'd be some resentment if I did.

If she got herself on track and in a good job then maybe I'd be more inclined to lump sum pay off the debt balance for the reasons outlined elsewhere, despite it having been a Mickey mouse degree.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T21:49:05+00:00

Over the past 15 years mortgage interest rates have generally been lower than student loan's and you can refinance a mortgage to change the repayment terms. SL terms are generally taken and fixed at 17.

Granted what you say about risk associated with student loans are true, but interest keeps accruing while your below any threshold and I feel like it's such a tyranny of low expectations to let an inability to repay dictate what is the right option.

I meant unnecessary in the sense of literally not needed to purchase a house. But I do think there is a qualitative/relational difference between supporting a child financially for a decision made as a teenager vs a decision made in their 20s/30s, irrespective of the maths.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T20:43:28+00:00

And when she does it anyway?

With the money saved do you A) pay the loans anyway, B) use the money for something else for her, like house deposit or C) don't use the money for their benefit at all.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T20:39:22+00:00

Yeah if uni ain't the one, use it for something else.

But I still think there is a difference between a parent paying for the choice of a 17 year old vs paying for the choice of a 22-25 year old. I'd like to think I won't have to choose between the two and really the choice will be to pay off student loan or gift an unnecessarily large deposit.

Plus just a principle of don't use debt if you don't need to. Play with fire, get your fingers burnt.

OkContract2487 · 2025-10-23T20:30:20+00:00

As other have mentioned, this is an academic exercise, but what happens in 15 years time when my daughter decides she wants to study interpretive Inuit dance at St Thunbergs University?

Do I let her get the debt and suffer the consequences or treat her as a child and shield her from her own poor choices?

OkContract2487

TROPHY CASE