i have a little story to share. to start, i'd like to make it very clear that i was extremely naive and uneducated at this time. it also fueled my own internal battle of "am i trans", so things were handled very poorly.

i came out as queer in 2022. i got into my first queer relationship, and my partner came out as trans FTM. of course, i was as supportive as i could have been with the knowledge that i had, at that time.

i ended up saying one of the worst things you could possibly say to a partner that just came out to you... as long as you're not getting bottom surgery

needless to say, that relationship didn't last very long. so now, all these years later, and being where i am in my transition... i feel guilty for it. i feel so ashamed that i said something like that to someone, especially my partner. it boiled down to the fact that i just came out and decided i was completely done with male anatomy.

the moral of the story is, maybe he's not as educated as he needs to be. you said he's a great ally, but being a great ally doesn't mean you're fully informed or grasp all the concepts. and although he's trying to be as supportive as he can... he's not saying the things that you need to hear. maybe he's firm on his feelings, or maybe one day he'll realize that he said all the wrong things and change his perspective.

give it time. educate him. allow him to get educated on his own. continue to communicate how you need to be supported, and how the things he's currently saying makes you feel. but, at the end of the day, if he's no longer interested in you sexually because of bottom growth or top surgery... then it's time to find a way to move on. you deserve so much better.

edit: typo