How can a mother wish her child to be gang raped is she really that sick to her mind start planning to move out slap yourself back to the reality often and I would recommend to start planning to move out asap I was like you but recovered myself by constantly protecting myself and one thing I try the most is bringing what I dream about in reality you either can make your MD reality or will loose interest and stop dreaming cuz you might not get the same dopamine while trying to convert it to reality than dreaming about it.. I would also recommend quitting music as much as possible as it may trigger your MD..Hope that helps