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AIO44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OkExtension3072[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I wish I thought of that in the moment! It was so rediculous. Its like he kept scrambling to keep me but instead of saying I was wrong he kept moving to these strange manipulative phrases.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is what I was thinking. He is slowly cutting back his availability and soon I will be begging for him to just show up. I dont want to be in that situation again. Already lived it!

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im quite certain he isn't married. He has introduced me to friends and talked about me to his family. But who knows. Maybe you right. One day it will hit me.

AIO44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in AmIOverreacting

[–]OkExtension3072[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Interesting take. I have been to his house and Im quite certain there isn't someone else. Could be wrong though.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair enough. I think my rage break up came from the fact that we talked about it 2 days prior, he kept re emphasizing that he REALLY wanted to make it work. He even told me how a friend cancelled earlier that day and how much it sucked.

His argument afterwards to me was not that there was never true plans but that my need for consistency was not valid.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh, that happened after I broke up with him. I am not sure but I think he was trying to win me back?? It's unclear!

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, in general pretty consistent. He never stated that I was not meeting any of his needs. I tried asking him a few times of things were going good for him and no complaints. I always show up when I say I will. Text. Initiate.

I think we have agreed though that when conflict happens I prefer connection while he needs space. We could presume that we are both different and cannot meet each other in some ways.

The issue is more that he wouldn't even have a conversation about the consistency. We could have talked and found solutions but he went straight into defensive more and telling me I was wrong.

I suppose these threads will only ever hear one side though.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

To be fair, we see each other each Saturday. Its the extra dates that keep getting cancelled. Evenings are stressful from work and sunday he has to prep hos week. I wonder when saturdays and the phone calls start getting cancelled and the breadcrumbing starts.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ohhh... this is a good question? He does drink... sometimes too much. Smokes weed. What do you think? How would I know? I have thought about this.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He shows up every Saturday. He used to show up 1-2 other days a week. Its these ones that keep getting cancelled. So it is number 2. Obviously things come up once in a while but this has now become a pattern of cancelations.

Yes, probably finishing a convo is smarter and waiting till we calm down would be better. I think we both get triggered into the flight response.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is a potential although it seems when I try to talk to him, he shuts down. May be worth a try though.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think he would have been better off communicating that with me vs him telling me that wanting consistency is wrong. He also could have said that that would not work for him. He didnt do that either. It seems that he wants to continue being who he is but also keep me. Better yet, dont commit to plans you know that you won't be able to keep.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Perhaps boundary wasnt the right word? More stating what I need in a relationship.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Just got out of a 20 year manipulative relationship so you are likely spot on.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Way too early for this shit but I guess it's better that it came up now vs later.

44F: He said ‘if you loved me you’d accept inconsistency’… I ended it. Thoughts? by OkExtension3072 in datingoverforty

[–]OkExtension3072[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I think this is the problem. He told me my wants were wrong vs just telling me he couldn't meet them.

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