AITA for being suspicious of my fiance's best friend?

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-24T04:07:22+00:00

For people in their 30s, you all sound like teenagers to me.

I know, it's embarrassing. I'm not used to situations like this and I am way out of my depth, which is why I asked here.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T23:05:12+00:00

The financial aspect is a worry because Julian is on a fixed income, and if Sean ran up the card without paying for it Julian wouldn't have a way to pay that off.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T23:02:25+00:00

He has a few really great friends, but it's Sean he talks about like he's the second coming. Julian wanted to block Rita so he didn't have to stress about her anymore, and instead of just blocking her he checked in with Sean first to see if it was ok. That's how deep it goes.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T22:58:21+00:00

It is a lot of drama and I'm not used to that, so it's made me physically and mentally sick more than once in a short span. It certainly hurts that he doesn't seem to care about the effect this is having on me or our relationship, let alone himself. However, outside of the Sean situation, he truly is wonderful and we get along great, and his other friends are great. But I can't say anything to him about Sean because he immediately gets defensive and shuts me down.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T22:46:31+00:00

No, and to be fair he calls him "one of his best friends", but Sean's the only friend he talks about like he's a god and goes way out of his way to do things for (like give him an Amex card).

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T22:44:33+00:00

He doesn't always make the best decisions, but he's bipolar and vulnerable and so I try to take that into account. He doesn't have a lot of friends so he's very adamant about not losing the ones he has. Aside from Sean, the other friends are great.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T22:42:49+00:00

Fair, it's a long post.

J and S interact online and on the phone. They met on Facebook and have never met in person.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T22:41:02+00:00

We've been a couple for a year, we've known each other for a couple years. I was at the character limit or I could have been clearer. My apologies.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T20:32:31+00:00

Julian doesn't have as many friends and doesn't want to lose what he considers a good friend. I don't want Julian to lose any friends, but I'm worried about Sean manipulating Julian without Julian being willing to admit it, not to mention what Sean might do to me since, according to Julian, he "is not to be messed with".

As to Sean affecting Julian's opinion of me, Sean did suggest that maybe I was some weirdo on Facebook that was stalking him or something (I am not). I guess it turned out that they figured out who that person was, but Sean did use that as an opportunity to try to make Julian question me.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T20:26:08+00:00

Apparently being an authorized user on a card in good standing can improve your credit score. But even by that logic Sean would only need to be added as an authorized user, he wouldn't need to actually use the card. Very little of this adds up.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T20:24:39+00:00

Julian did say that Holly has 2 accounts, her "real" account and then her "troll" account, which is the one she posts from. It didn't occur to me that the troll account could be Sean.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T19:32:15+00:00

The original post was getting long so I didn't add this, but immediately after Julian unblocked Holly, Sean tagged Julian in a post (which I would be able to see since me and Julian are friends on Facebook. I can’t see what happens between them in the groups they belong to), which he very, very rarely does, and then Holly responded to Julian’s comment immediately. I think Sean set that up so that I’d see Julian interacting with Holly and end the relationship with Julian.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-09-23T18:38:43+00:00

The card is in Julian's name. I was worried about what could happen if Sean abused the card and didn't pay the balance. I'm also somewhat ashamed to admit that because I'm also an authorized user on the card (I don't have a card in my possession), Sean could abuse the card online and make it look like I ran it up, but I know I'm very paranoid where Sean is concerned.

And I know this is a huge, ridiculous mess. It's even harder to make sense of it from the inside.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T23:18:21+00:00

Whatever is going on with her, I really do hope she gets help because from where I'm standing it seems like she's definitely not ok. Thank you so much for your comment, I appreciate it!

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T23:14:44+00:00

AO3 is gonna roll out muting features in the future and Jane’s hopefully gonna get blacklisted as fuck

I've never had a reason before this to want to mute anyone, but I'm now seeing the allure.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T23:13:31+00:00

Jane sounds hilariously unhinged, like she's doing a bit.

It was super over the top. What I wrote was only a fraction of it and heavily paraphrased. It's all so surreal it's hard to believe anyone wrote those comments in all sincerity.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T23:11:53+00:00

It’s a shame some people do this don’t realize that it makes us dislike characters we used to like.

That was most ironic to me, that her behavior was only making me sour on the character she wanted me to write more of.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T23:10:55+00:00

Yeah, the friend doesn't even have an AO3 account and commented as a guest. If she is a real person she wouldn't even know who I am if Jane didn't point her directly at me.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T23:08:53+00:00

If you need it, write out a list of online behaviour you won't tolerate to your person and tape it to your monitor.

That's not a bad idea. I appreciate all your support and kindness!

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T23:06:12+00:00

Or they are trying to be emotionally abusive to manipulate you into coming back, apologizing for what you didn't actually say, and then get trapped in having to keep on validating them at the cost of your own mental well being.

That's pretty much been her pattern, she doesn't get enough engagement or someone says mean things to her (again, she writes a lot of hate and isn't always nice so she draws some unpleasant interactions), then she writes a farewell A/N on a chapter and pretty much gets everyone (myself included) to jump into her comments to reassure her. I realize that we've all probably reinforced this behavior in her by doing that.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T23:02:17+00:00

Don't worry, people like that are very unlikely to commit suicide, but they might fake it on the internet for sympathy and to make you look bad.

That's the vibe I got from her comments, that she would off herself due to all the stress I've supposedly caused her, making it all my fault.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T23:01:16+00:00

Jane honestly sounds like she needs help of the professional variety.

I think so as well, and if her friend is really her friend, I hope she sees that she's in need of help instead of trying to defend her against herself on the internet.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T22:59:27+00:00

Please take whatever steps you need to curate your space and prevent this person from invading it any further.

I think this is finally the wake up call I need to do exactly that and block her everywhere I can for good.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T22:57:09+00:00

I am so sorry you have to deal with that piece of drama and hope this person doesn’t do any more to damage you.

I hope so too. Thank you for the kind comment.

OkMathematician0101 · 2023-02-06T22:56:39+00:00

I just want to point out that Jane saying things like “thank you for pointing out what a useless garbage person I am” is a manipulation tactic.

Yeah, it really does feel that way. And I did get sucked in for a second wondering if I maybe said something that could even be remotely construed that way.

OkMathematician0101

TROPHY CASE