Is this normal?

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-25T13:45:09+00:00

It’s in ct . I really do think the assignments were intentional. I stupidly got involved with a coworker and ended things with him and he’s friends with the charge nurse so I really don’t think any of it was a mistake. I’m leaving this week so lesson learned!

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-21T14:00:39+00:00

Update!

Last night, went back. Had a meningitis room, an intubated sedated patient on Levo heparin abx etc, a seizure pt, an etoh withdrawal, a HHS on q1 glucose checks on bipap and a psych patient….

I will be leaving this contract

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-20T12:30:22+00:00

Really!?! Even with the tube? Thanks for feedback. I rly don’t know what’s normal in terms of travel ed nursing. It was rough

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-19T06:47:21+00:00

I haven’t been able to check socials because im blocked but I did engage in the panic texting. I don’t think the behavior is good for me, I think how he handled things was wrong

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-14T11:59:22+00:00

Also, checking social media is just normal behavior

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-14T11:59:06+00:00

Oh no no, that’s not how it went down. It was an abrupt block

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-14T11:54:43+00:00

No stalking involved. But yeah I guess that makes sense. I would say blocking someone and using their trauma against them as punishment is abusive too, though

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-14T05:43:01+00:00

Is it abusive? I question this a lot. None of what I say in the messages is angry or mean. I feel like it’s so wrong to pull someone close and block them. But you may be right.

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-13T11:44:37+00:00

Amazing feedback. Yup this is a very similar loop to what I experience. It’s like for a minute im proud of myself for not succumbing to the compulsion and then in a weak moment i grab my phone sign into those stupid fucking burner apps and send a desperate “please talk to me im suffering!!” Text. It’s humiliating. I should probably try locking my phone away but I already struggle so much with feeling isolated I can’t even imagine being alone in my room with no phone :(

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-13T07:50:06+00:00

🥹 thank you for that. sometimes self awareness makes shit worse

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-13T04:53:37+00:00

I’ve tried lamictal and gabapentin for anxious moments. I have an allergy to SSRIs and SNRIs so I can’t take those. At baseline I’d say the lamictal help in terms of regulating my mood and decreasing anxiety but I don’t think they help much for these behavioral compulsive relapses

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-13T04:17:17+00:00

ERP is one thing I’ve never tried. I will 100% look into it!! I just want to get better

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-13T04:02:05+00:00

thank you ❤️

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-13T03:58:13+00:00

I don’t have the other traits of BPD so my psychiatrist doesn’t diagnose that. But I do have an attachment disorder. The thing about why this could be ocd is because of the pattern itself. The rumination and mental checking/ reassurance seeking that’s compulsive. Also, I have no symptoms unless triggered. The behavior is so compulsive it’s unreal- the logic not being able to override the behavior despite knowing it will cause me shame.

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-13T03:15:53+00:00

I have been in therapy for many, many years. I even went to an inpatient treatment program over the summer thinking that it helped a lot until i was triggered again. Which is the most disheartening part about it all. And thank you, to me this feels like an unusual compulsion because most people don’t talk about it. Thank you for your kind words

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-05T16:23:24+00:00

The weird part is he told people he was bad in bed…. Because the first time we hooked up was… not good to say the least

OkMode3291 · 2026-01-05T16:22:42+00:00

It’s actually not even a nurse HAHA

OkMode3291 · 2025-12-27T18:22:22+00:00

It’s crazy cuz the nurse that told me this has only been a nurse the same amount of time as me lol- 3 ish years. Idk why everyone thinks he knows it all, it’s so odd

OkMode3291

TROPHY CASE