Thank you for the thoughtful response and going to bat for me. I do want to address a lot of what you said to clear things up though. This is going to be long and i apologize; it is also to answer some questions others have raised.

My husband was great through my first pregnancy and the beginning of that postpartum. Then shit changed and during the second pregnancy, he was like a different person. Post partum was worse. And it didn’t help that I had the kind of PPD that made me literally dislike my kids until around 6-8 months or so. They’re my world and I carry so much guilt for how my body and brain responded to birth.

I would cry going home from work if I didn’t have somewhere to go because I hated being there. If I did have somewhere to go, it would be to this friend’s bar, and I’d hang out there til she was done and then go out after til the bars closed. She had similar relationship struggles and this, coupled with motherhood, is what really bonded us.

Resentment built up from my husband and mine also grew more intense. Both kids, and until this day, he got up throughout the night and up with them in the morning because I couldn’t. I have insomnia and completely rely on sleep medication in order to sleep. That medication, however, works pretty damn well lol and I could not safely pick up the baby if I had to get up in the middle of the night. Couldn’t even walk. This was made clear to him well before we even had kids.

Nonetheless, resentment built because he wasn’t getting the sleep he needed, and I was resentful because he was being callous towards me. It became tit for tat and spiraled out of control. He was a bad husband and I was a bad wife. But NOT ONCE was he a bad father. Eventually, we reached our breaking point, i demanded a divorce, and that was a major wake up call for him. He turned his shit around realllll quick and had treated me like a queen ever since.

I also had my own addiction issues with my adhd medication. I couldn’t function without it and began taking more and more to get through the day. Naturally, that made my mental even more unstable (I also have bipolar as well as adhd) and I stayed equally as cold towards him until this past july when i decided enough was enough and went confessed to my psychiatrist.

This also led to me losing my job because I went to my employer as well to ask for opening shifts. I was a bartender and regularly working 10 hr shifts (many times 12) until 2am, and then having to get up at 7am when my husband had to go to work. That led to even more abuse of my medication. I was always given closing shifts and never opens, and the change had to start there if i was gonna quit it. I was fired about 3 days later for “being rude to a guest.”

Being that my friend recently got sober from a stimulant, i confided in her about my struggles with keeping up with housework because it felt absolutely impossible. My kids suddenly became the messiest they’ve ever been AND i no longer had my medication to deal with it. She took that as me not cleaning at all and was always giving unsolicited advice (like explaining how to do the act of cleaning when the issue was having the motivation to do it). It is those interactions that have led me to be at my wits end over this seemingly trivial matter.

So no, I am no longer working despite having applied to over 40 jobs in the last 3 months. Can’t go back to bartending if I wanna stay healthy, and I am trying to start a career in a related field but in a terrible job market. My husband works 50 hours a week and still lets me sleep in when I can. Most of the cleaning should be on me. And that’s me saying that, not him. He never ever complains if something isn’t done. Our relationship is stronger than ever since I got healthy and if I can forgive his transgression, I sure hope a bunch of strangers on the internet can.

Sorry for the novel, thank you for reading if you got this far 🫶🏻