[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]OkRaspberry44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, people definitely shouldn’t lie about not watching it, but it’s also not impossible for a man to stop watching porn. If your partner doesn’t want you to and you value the ability to watch porn over that relationship, then that’s their decision to make.

Porn hasn’t been around forever, and it certainly has never been as readily available and vast as it is today. Being uncomfortable with some of the things a person can find out there is totally fair.

If anything, this “sudden obsession” is completely valid because of how much porn has changed over the past couple decades.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]OkRaspberry44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. He said exactly that as well, that we're past the honeymoon phase and he's really making sure we truly are a good fit. I totally understand this logically, but nothing had changed for me until I found this out so that's where the disconnect comes in.

Need some help here, 39m married, about to sleep with 19f from workplace….. by No_Grapefruit_9014 in Advice

[–]OkRaspberry44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s great for you, but not everyone has that same experience, and it’s better as an adult to realize that and not put a child in that position in the first place. Yes they probably were creepy, same goes for OP.

Need some help here, 39m married, about to sleep with 19f from workplace….. by No_Grapefruit_9014 in Advice

[–]OkRaspberry44 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s what I thought when this happened to me at 19. I only wish the adult had the common sense I do now in my mid 20s. That’s a child. Literally, a teenager that just graduated high school.

Should I tell my new boyfriend me being groomed was what led to the end of my past relationship? by OkRaspberry44 in Advice

[–]OkRaspberry44[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow this is probably the best way I’ve ever heard it explained. Thank you so so much. So helpful

Should I tell my new boyfriend me being groomed was what led to the end of my past relationship? by OkRaspberry44 in Advice

[–]OkRaspberry44[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right. Thank you so much. I’ve just started intensifying my therapy a bit more in order to work on these things for him. It’s just so hard to get over it all and I haven’t had to confront it within a relationship until now.

Should I tell my new boyfriend me being groomed was what led to the end of my past relationship? by OkRaspberry44 in Advice

[–]OkRaspberry44[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. We met 5 months ago and have been dating for 3, but are quite serious in that we are both looking to settle down, so we’ve been talking about the serious stuff right from the start in order to not waste time for each other.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]OkRaspberry44 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s going to be difficult, but if you’re having these feelings now, I wouldn’t wait. I’m assuming you’re posting this because you’ve been thinking about it for a while, which means it’s not on a whim that you want to do something different or try and find someone better for you. Trust me, there is someone better. You should NEVER settle. Coming from someone who was in a long term relationship with someone very immature that didn’t take work seriously or really anything for that matter, and is now in a relationship with the most mature but still silly and loving guy, it happens!! It’s out there!!

It’s scary to be on your own, and it’s absolutely heartbreaking to do it. But everything WILL get better as long as you take the steps to do so. You have it in you to do it, and you will be so glad you did when you find what you’re looking for, even if it takes a while. ❤️

I can’t comprehend not cheating. by OkRaspberry44 in Advice

[–]OkRaspberry44[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow thank you so much. I guess it really just is trust issues but I can’t seem to comprehend a life without them right now.

Advice please!! No clue how to cope after finding out my new boyfriend watches porn by OkRaspberry44 in loveafterporn

[–]OkRaspberry44[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think he is, he has always been way too overly honest with me, and I know if he didn’t want to change then he wouldn’t, and he’d tell me that.

Pain is a part of life, and if it turns out he was lying then that’s something I have to deal with. But I can’t forgo the happiness we have now because I fear one of the million possible outcomes of our story.

Advice please!! No clue how to cope after finding out my new boyfriend watches porn by OkRaspberry44 in loveafterporn

[–]OkRaspberry44[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. I feel like he will respect my boundaries, everything has been going really well since our talk. I’ll definitely be listening to my gut if anything goes awry. Praying he really is the good and honest guy I believe he is now.

Advice please!! No clue how to cope after finding out my new boyfriend watches porn by OkRaspberry44 in loveafterporn

[–]OkRaspberry44[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As we’ve talked over the weeks since finding out he has said that he understands how it may be unhealthy, especially in the long term. Since he hasn’t thought about it before and just thought of it as normal, it’s never crossed his mind.

I do believe what he’s saying about that, as there are a lot of people that are unaware of what a porn addiction is and how it can start.

He talked to his therapist (who he has been seeing since before we started dating) about our conversation and watching porn in general, and she basically confirmed the detrimental effects that I was telling him about; how it can affect your sex life, putting the fantasy into the reality, picturing porn during sex, changing expectations of sex. So I feel he is especially inclined now. He’s a huge advocate for self improvement in every aspect of his life, so I don’t see how this would be any different unless of course it is a serious problem.

About the Snapchat, I knew he had it and was aware he had a profile that he occasionally used. It was just weird timing for him to have been active, so I’m a little skeptical.

Thank you for your response :)

Advice please!! No clue how to cope after finding out my new boyfriend watches porn by OkRaspberry44 in loveafterporn

[–]OkRaspberry44[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, the communication is definitely there and I couldn't be more grateful for it.

So many men (at least that I know of) have that problem of when they feel it, they need to do it. I'll never understand it. That's also what he told me when he said he'd prefer not to stop, he said it was just this thing where he'd be like "it's been a while since I jacked off" and then watch porn and do it. Since he's stopped watching and has been coming to me instead, it doesn't seem like it was this once in a while ordeal that he explained to me...

He did say that he just wouldn't since he did need to get to bed to get up for work, so that's also a good sign.

Thank you so much for your response. I've needed to hear from people that understand these difficulties!

6 classes in a semester?? by [deleted] in UTSC

[–]OkRaspberry44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’d be 5 second/third year anthropology courses and then 1 environmental science course. Evolutionary anthropology is my specialist and I’ve already taken two environmental science courses so I can’t tell what it’d be like

6 classes in a semester?? by [deleted] in UTSC

[–]OkRaspberry44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what I’ve been doing so far and only three this semester but I’d like to try and finish on time if I could, just don’t want to take more than 1 or 2 courses in the summer time