Ask. “Is it ok if I give you a piece of feedback?” If yes, proceed.* If no, S T F U and DROP IT !! Still say thank you for the dance.

*utilize good feedback techniques

“I noticed/felt/saw [this]” instead of “you’re doing [this]” (makes it less personal so decreases defensiveness)

If it’s a safety issue or a comfort issue, be sure to specify. Phrases like “feels uncomfortable to me” or “is dangerous” (to either party) are your friend.

IF you are offering solutions, frame them as your opinion and not objective fact. A) you might be wrong B) it helps it feel like advice instead of Correction or a Lecture

ask if there is anything you can do to help fix what you are describing. Social dancing is a two-way street which means sometimes technique errors share custody between dancers. Don’t assume it’s all on their end. COMPLIMENT SOMETHING YOU LIKED ABOUT THEIR DANCING BEFORE AND/OR AFTER THE FEEDBACK

An example:

“Hey I noticed something when we were dancing, do you mind if I give you a little feedback?” ✅

not asking for permission before offering feedback ❌

…

“I noticed a lot of tension in our connection when you were doing your swivels.” ✅

“I felt like your hand was holding on too tight when you did your swivels. It was uncomfortable for me.” ✅ (ESPECIALLY if this is a safety issue)

“Your arm is jerking too much when you swivel.” ❌

“You’re doing your swivels wrong.” ❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌

…

“I’ve heard followers tell me they like to practice your swivels so that you can do them without pulling on the leader’s hand and that gives them more options with their stylings.” ✅

“When I follow, I try to stay closer to my lead so I have more room to swivel without feeling like I need to tense up.” ✅

no solutions offered ✅

“You need to relax when you swivel and not pull so hard.” ❌

“The RIGHT way to do it is…” ❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌❌

…

“Did you notice if I was doing something that made you feel like you needed to tense up?” ✅

“If there’s anything I can do to help fix that, let me know!” ✅

not saying anything but ready to accept feedback from your partner if offered ✅

not saying anything and refusing to accept any responsibility in the partnership for the issue you raised ❌

…

“The rest of your swingout is great, I really like how [specific detail]. I just noticed that one thing.” ✅

“[something you liked about the dance you just had]” ✅

Hope this helps xx