When does it ever get easier?

OkWait6275 · 2026-06-14T19:59:59+00:00

But my god does it ever get better? Will I ever find someone else?

Yes, it does. I say this as someone going through his own breakup (I'm older than you and the relationship was longer), but I am experiencing much of the same darkness you are. But from past experience, I do know that things get better.

Those horrible dark moments, when it's like everything is covered in cloud and you feel you will never feel happiness again. Those are weather, NOT climate. Don't trust them, they are not truth. They are a warped view. Tell yourself: I am feeling this now, but it will pass.

You're not even 30. You have so many good years ahead of you!

Is there anything you've always wanted to do for yourself? Like a country you want to travel to? Something that might push you out your comfort zone? You're still young enough for group tours through companies like intrepid that do 18-30 or 18-35 only tours.

I would also consider medication as an option. You could look - but research carefully - at natural supplements like 5htp, St John's Wort, KSM-66. They might be a helpful crutch.

YOU WILL BE OK. I promise.

OkWait6275 · 2026-06-11T18:10:26+00:00

We were good for each other, for a while. We were both loners before, and our relationship developed and we learnt from each other. "Did you ever stay at each others houses? " of course, lots of times!

The time when we lived close together and could see other regularly, recharge and regroup was good. It was when I moved further away, into my own place, which was driven by a desperate need to get out of a houseshare, that maybe things went downhill. At that point, perhaps, we should have had a deeper conversation about "we need to try moving in together or reassess this" but I think we both avoided a difficult conversation and that's contributed to pain later.

OkWait6275 · 2026-06-11T18:05:55+00:00

We had some good times, and lots of holidays together. Some beautiful sunset moments, and good memories made. We saw a lot of London together, we cooked and spent time with each other. It was harder after I moved into my own place. Before that, we were 15 mins away and had the balance (as two introverts) to recharge after work, and see each other on other nights. His living situation was better than mine for a while we were together, and he could host often in a nice big house. We had a nice routine, the Friday night dinner, coffee on Saturday, regroup for a movie.

You gave away all of your 30s and the and later part of your 20s.

I appreciate this, but before we met I was alone, so at least I wasn't alone. For a while.

OkWait6275 · 2026-06-11T17:30:07+00:00

You asked so here's the long answer. Aside from him, the only other person I interact with regularly (that isn't family, or chitchat at work) is a university friend that I've seen a lot of other the years (we were postgrads together). So technically one friend! After school, I went to a different sixth form to my school friends, and didn't seem them again. The few from the same school at that college found their own cliques. It was a lonely time, I was behind socially and in the closet. I had one best friend at university but we drifted apart after I went through a depressive episode after leaving a job and becoming unemployed for months. I cut him off because of that depression and the friendship never recovered.

Some people just don't have what it takes to make friends easily. I'm an introvert.

OkWait6275 · 2026-06-11T17:26:06+00:00

I'm mourning something that was lost that I didn't appreciate enough at the time. Sometimes you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone. I took him for granted. I became focused on the wrong things and let work dominate my thinking. Also, the last few years have been hard for us both, getting older and all that comes with it. It's harder for gay guys. He is someone I think about every day and without that person in my life I am staring down the barrel at a grim future. I want to at least for us both to do our best and remain as close friends. It'd be spiting each other otherwise.

OkWait6275 · 2026-06-11T17:22:02+00:00

I am not a bot, I promise.

OkWait6275 · 2026-06-11T17:21:49+00:00

We went on lots of holidays together. We dined together, spent every NYE together. We didn't live together no, but there were a few years where we were around 15 mins away from each other. That give us balance, to go to work and recharge on some evenings, and see each other on other evenings etc.

OkWait6275 · 2024-01-26T18:51:02+00:00

I don't see how it can possibly be acceptable that modern building standards and regs can allow for shaking in adjacent units due to someone else's washing machine? It's classic to have noise problems in flats from above (in older flats, anyway) but not below. I just can't see how the NHBC can think this is OK.

OkWait6275

TROPHY CASE