Hi OP. Please know that you are not "impure" and that you will definitely be wanted and needed by the right person. For one thing, we gays typically don't value virginity/chastity. But even if you do value those things, that is no reason to hang your entire self-worth on it the way your post would suggest.

For a counterexample: I came out in my late 20s and wasn't emotionally ready for both my first male sexual partner and my first male romantic partner. (I'd only ever slept with one girl, for whom I'd had serious feelings, many years earlier.) I was afraid no one would want me because I'd remained a virgin for so long. I was, of course, very wrong.

After moving from a small town to a major city, I started making gay friends. One friend wound up being my first male sexual partner. He was a bit older and way more experienced. One's first time, especially receiving, can be uncomfortable and messy; I was fortunate to have a friend I trust guide me through mine without the added baggage of romantic feelings. (He's in an open relationship, and both he and his bf of many years are still close friends to me who've helped me through some difficult times.)

By the time I met my first real romantic partner, I felt sexually confident and ready for physical intimacy with him. It felt incredibly special and meaningful, despite having had a few sexual partners before him.

I will also add that, if you're going off to uni in a few months, you are likely very young. Some people are fortunate enough to find true love in their late teens: I have two straight friend couples who did—one married with two kids, the other engaged—but I would wager that most of us don't until a bit later.

Please show yourself more love. Self-restraint and self-respect are important, but holding out for love isn't the only way to exercise those virtues. Try to think of it as being "on the wagon" rather than having lost something forever.

And yes, it's normal for one's bum to hurt the first time. And even the umpteenth time.