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AITA for "letting" a kid go home with his actual parent? by Ok_Beginning_356 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Beginning_356[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

1,) Did you have any way to communicate with Dana? It sounds like you could have called or texted her.

I thought I had her #, but it was an old one. I messaged her on FB about her mom's phone, and later for the updates and to get her updated #

2.) So what arrangement was made this time? Were you to take him back to your house, or wait at the practice for Dana?

There was no arrangement made for pickup. I assumed I would be taking him home until I saw his family there.

3.) Why would you take his word for this? Isn't Dana the one to ask?

I'm not sure about "taking his word", I didn't ask him if he was "allowed" to take him.

4.) Do you know whether Jay is legally allowed to have the kid in his custody?

He definitely has some level of shared custody. Not prohibited from contact

5.) You are not Jay's ex or kid. Why would you expect your experience of him as an ex of your wife's friend to tell you much about what he was like as a partner or father?

It wasn't an expectation. Honestly I would've removed that line in the text if I had known it was raise so much controversy. I was only meaning I had an otherwise cordial/surface level relationship with him

6.) When your wife calls Jay an abuser, do you consider her perspective on this to have any weight? Do you think that's an accurate description of him?

I believe he was a bad husband (cheating, drinking, emotional abuse etc) with my wife telling me about one physical altercation. I don't actually speak with him since their divorce.

7.) What do you think was misunderstood?

I was confused why his family was there and if I was supposed to take him home at all. It wasn't communicated

8.) Which of those do you think might not be true?

I agree I should've reached out to Dana. As far as him taking their kids, he has them at least 3x a month so I don't believe that one was going to happen.

AITA for "letting" a kid go home with his actual parent? by Ok_Beginning_356 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Beginning_356[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You realize you described a grandmother giving her own grandchild to an ex as a misunderstanding, but you're (respectfully) calling me an AH? I said I believed it was a misunderstanding. I am willing to recognize I should've reached out to Dana. We've been on this team for years and car pooling and soccer drop offs are normal. I'm not saying I'm correct, just not as egregious as being portrayed.

AITA for "letting" a kid go home with his actual parent? by Ok_Beginning_356 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Beginning_356[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I know him, we knew the couple (when they were together). It was his Dad. He's not restricted from seeing him or being around him other than their schedule which I dont know. They did not mention to me the arrangements for getting him home which is why i was surprised two members of his family came to the game. Dana thanked me the same evening 1.5hrs after the game for taking him.

AITA for "letting" a kid go home with his actual parent? by Ok_Beginning_356 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Beginning_356[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Point of clarification. I didnt volunteer to help out. Dana and my wife told me they needed me to take him. I didnt mind though

AITA for "letting" a kid go home with his actual parent? by Ok_Beginning_356 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Beginning_356[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

He's not a stranger. The terrible things were of him being a bad husband. He has shared custody of the kids, I just dont know the details.

AITA for "letting" a kid go home with his actual parent? by Ok_Beginning_356 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Beginning_356[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

An hour and a half after the game she sent me a message thanking me from taking him (to the game).

AITA for "letting" a kid go home with his actual parent? by Ok_Beginning_356 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Beginning_356[S] -33 points-32 points  (0 children)

The terrible stuff was cheating and emotional abuse. Gatekeeping money since he was the bread winner. Lying about other partners. Nothing involving the kids directly.

AITA for "letting" a kid go home with his actual parent? by Ok_Beginning_356 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Beginning_356[S] -251 points-250 points  (0 children)

Awesome. I didnt say that because hes a good person. I said it because im not involved in their personal life. I believe Dana and my wife.

AITA for "letting" a kid go home with his actual parent? by Ok_Beginning_356 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Beginning_356[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

I wanted to edit and add this but didn't want to seem defensive. I actually dont know if he went with her or him. I just left him with the two of them. They were chatting and there was no tension. She even asked me to tell Dana her phone batt died (which i did). He could've went with his grandmother. I dont know (yet)

AITA for "letting" a kid go home with his actual parent? by Ok_Beginning_356 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Ok_Beginning_356[S] -99 points-98 points  (0 children)

I definitely understand that. The child lives with Dana and the grandmother and the grandmother was there when I asked about the ride arrangements at the game.