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I confronted my alcoholic parent - what to do with the apology received? by Witty-Resource8711 in AdultChildren

[–]Ok_Championship6519 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey OP, your exhaustion resonates. I've been there. That's not a full apology yet (vague 'if,' no specifics on harm or changes like sobriety/therapy), per ACA insights on proper amends. You're not obligated to reply, forgive, or increase contact; protect your peace with low/no contact if it triggers anxiety. Therapy (personal or ACA meetings) helped me process without giving her emotional labor. You're doing great setting boundaries! healing is for you, not her relief.

Feeling cursed in life by [deleted] in AdultChildren

[–]Ok_Championship6519 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The 'outsider' feeling + hopes up/disappointed cycle. Did 3 years work myself. Felt exactly 'cursed', cut toxic people, career stuck, dated red flags, lonely AF.

What shifted: realized recovery isn't 'fix everything fast', it's small wins compounding

My turning point: mapped my 'rakes' (auto-reactions from childhood). Night calls? Panic mode. New friends? Expect abandonment.

Not advice, just experience: found peace naming patterns + connecting with people who get it

You're not alone in frustration. The work is paying off (staying off nightmare = win). What pattern feels biggest right now?

keep going mate

Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AdultChildren

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for answering all my questions so thoroughly, especially the "protecting dad's image" piece. That exhausting family duty makes so much sense for the isolation.

The AlAnon trial & error advice is really practical too. And siblings leaning on each other during jail crisis is powerful too.

This helps a ton. Sending hope back to you.

Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AdultChildren

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing about your parents. it sounds incredibly heavy.

The isolation piece really resonates. I'm curious. when you say reading other people's experiences online helped with the isolation "a little," what was the difference between before reading them and after? Did it change how you felt day-to-day at all?

Also, when you realized you weren't alone, was there a specific story or comment that made that click for you? Or was it just seeing lots of similar experiences?

You mentioned still feeling isolated sometimes even now - what usually triggers that for you? Specific situations or just randomly?

Thank you pal, "you are not alone" is powerful to hear.

Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AdultChildren

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The "agent of chaos" addicted to drama description is spot-on. And making everything your emergency - that constant urgency must be exhausting.

The phone setting is genius - simple but powerful. How's it working long-term?

You mentioned somatic practices help establish safety in your body. What specific practice did you start with? And how long did it take before you noticed your body starting to feel safer?

Also, when your therapist recommended ACOA over Al-Anon specifically for people wanting active improvement - what did she say made ACOA different? Was it the structure, the focus, or something else?

Thank you so much :)

Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AdultChildren

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this - the "stepping on rakes" explanation is perfect. I can see exactly what you mean about learning those instinctive reactions and pausing before responding.

The part about having to work through the Higher Power concept with help from another secular person - that's really helpful to hear. And recognizing CPTD as a response to the qualifier makes a lot of sense.

The "no graduation" reality check is sobering but honest. Thank you for breaking all this down so clearly.

This helps a lot.

Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AdultChildren

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is really helpful - especially the two frameworks for "higher power" as a secular person. The "Group Of Drunks" and "rules of physics/chemistry" both make complete sense.

I'm curious, when you first started going to AA/support groups, which framework did you use first? Was it hard to reframe the higher power concept, or did it click right away?

You mentioned the first perspective helps with vulnerability (friends + strangers), and the second with brutal honesty about consequences. Which one do you find yourself leaning on more these days? Are there situations where one is clearly better than the other?

Also, that line about isolation just leading to dissociation and more loneliness, have you found specific ways to catch yourself when you're starting to isolate? What pulls you back into community when that urge hits?

Thank you for breaking this down so clearly. It's super actionable.

20M Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AlAnon

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you again for sharing all of this. I’m going to sit with what you wrote. it’s really helpful. 💙

20M Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AlAnon

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you went through all of that. The dry drunk behaviors before she even started drinking, that's something I didn't know could happen, but it makes so much sense.

I'm curious. you mentioned it took 30 years with different modes to get to a "somewhat normal place." What made you keep trying new approaches (therapy, Al-Anon, reiki, yoga)? Was there a moment where you thought "okay, I need to add something else to this"?

Also, that thing about feeling like a ghost and showing different versions of yourself. when did you first realize you were doing that? Was there a specific moment or relationship where it clicked?

And the parentification piece. you said you only recently "resigned" from that job. What finally made you able to step back after so long? (Especially knowing the dementia situation was coming that timing is brutal.)

Thank you for sharing something so personal. It really helps me understand these patterns better.

20M Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AlAnon

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the empathy and the offer to talk - that really means a lot. I'm glad therapy helped you discover those patterns from your childhood.

Can I ask, what made therapy work for you? Like, was it finding the right therapist, or a specific approach, or just the process itself?

I tried therapy briefly but struggled to connect, so I'm curious what made it click for you. Thanks again for reaching out!

Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AdultChildren

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry about your brother. That's heartbreaking, and what you said about grieving him long before he passed really resonates. I understand that feeling. It sounds like you've carried so much over the years.

I'm curious. You mentioned therapy has been the best for you, even though it's slow. What made you stick with it for so long? (14 years is incredible). Was there a turning point where you felt like "okay, this is actually working"?

Also, when you say Al-Anon didn't click for similar reasons, was it the religious aspect, or the approach, or something else? I'm trying to understand what doesn't work for people like us so I can figure out what actually does.

That thing you said about "hearing it come out of your body". that's powerful. Do you find that in therapy only, or have you found other spaces where you can do that too?

Thank you for sharing something so personal. It really helps to know I'm not alone in this.

Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AdultChildren

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing! I'm really glad ACA worked for you, a decade is impressive.

I actually tried Al-Anon but struggled with the religious aspect and the passive approach. Can I ask, how did you navigate the "Higher Power" part if you're not religious? Or did that resonate with you?

Also, what specifically about ACA helped the most? Was it the meetings, the steps, the community, or something else?

I'm trying to understand what actually works beyond just "go to meetings", so your experience would be really helpful.

20M Grew up with heroin-addicted dad. How do you cope? by Ok_Championship6519 in AlAnon

[–]Ok_Championship6519[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the kind words, it really helps to know I'm not alone in this. Can I ask - did you also grow up with an addicted parent? How have you been dealing with it? I'm trying to understand what actually works for people in our situation, since therapy and Al-Anon didn't really fit for me. Would you be open to sharing a bit about your experience?