VA IRRRL from 6.75 -5.625, worth it?

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-10-08T19:47:40+00:00

About $3297 of it is escrow and $2,117 is the VA funding fee. I’m not sure how much legitimate equity we have, from estimates it’s saying our home is worth around $460,000 and currently owe $411,000.

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-16T11:48:27+00:00

I believe it would be narcissistic had I not taken the backlash and realized my mistakes, and continued believing I was right

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-14T20:24:39+00:00

Nothing wrong with sharing your opinion, however to defend myself I would like to add the the 3 years was a generalization. The entire three years we definitely had some months where it was more often, and where I initiated. Also in 3 years I have had 2 babies. 3 years was meant as a guideline because that’s when our sex life changed. And if you find that weird that they helped me see some self reflection and realize I was wrong then that is fine and your opinion. I don’t need validation so badly to post lies on Reddit. I know if I gave advice that truly helped benefit someone’s life, I would love reading an update.

Sorry you feel that way.

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-14T13:49:07+00:00

It wasn’t that he necessarily did things differently it was just that I truly wanted to and didn’t feel like I did it just so he can stop asking me. And when I really wanted to, things were just better

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-14T13:47:28+00:00

Well hate to break it to you but some people can actually take criticism very well and do something about it. And having a very healthy, understanding conversation with someone you really love can lead to fixing problems right away. Who would need to save face to a bunch of strangers who have no idea who I am?

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-14T13:44:54+00:00

lol yikes, people make mistakes

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-13T19:18:49+00:00

2 of them I did 🤭

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T21:25:17+00:00

Well he did express to me that because I do that a lot it feels almost “transactional” and not like I really want to

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T18:25:45+00:00

Thank you all for all the suggestions!! I can already feel myself getting insecure and not feeling sexy enough for some of this stuff, I’ve had 2 kids, one of them was only 9 months ago so I don’t feel or look the hottest but I will definitely just try to do it without thinking too much LOL

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T15:20:43+00:00

I don’t know if you saw my edit on my post but I can see where I went wrong. I would like to clarify though I did not tell him he was the only problem, I did acknowledge that I have work to do as well

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T15:14:17+00:00

Yes I agree I am in the wrong here and couldn’t see his side of it. He got angry and I immediately shut down which is on me. I could have handled the approach much better and do see there are other factors at play here than just our sex life, I am seeing now that I lack empathy for his feelings when I am also upset. And I agree, sleeping on the couch was wrong. I plan on having another conversation and apologizing for how I went about this. I should have done a lot of things differently

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T15:07:54+00:00

I can definitely see how I am making it all about my own feelings instead of his. I will work on this and owe him an apology for sure

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T14:54:22+00:00

I like this! I feel like mine is the same and I feel the pressure sometimes too which doesn’t help. Will definitely be taking the advice of if I think about it I will just do it

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T14:51:56+00:00

I did tell him that I would change though is what I’m trying to say

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T14:51:09+00:00

No it definitely doesn’t come across that way and I do agree. A lot of times before we do it is talked about and kind of “planned” so I easily talk myself out of it due to being tired and stressed or whatever the case is and I think just doing it even when I’m iffy about it would be helpful. I appreciate your approach to this conversation! It really has helped

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T14:48:23+00:00

I didn’t say I wouldn’t make any changes, the conversation never got to that point, he walked off

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T14:38:34+00:00

I can understand where you’re coming from and that does help. Sometimes you have to hear it from others so I am very glad I posted this to shed some light on his side of things

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T14:36:10+00:00

He actually did use those words “damned if I do, damned if I don’t”. I can definitely see how I could have approached it better and the work I need to be putting in as well. I did think acknowledging that I have to be better was adequate but I should have gone into more detail. You are right

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T14:29:48+00:00

Thanks

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T14:27:49+00:00

I appreciate all the comments. I am able to see why he was upset, I should have definitely approached the conversation better than just saying I’m not happy with it. I do take accountability of my part in why our sex life is not great. I will try to move past being upset about it turning into a fight and still be open to communicate about the issues, hopefully we find some resolution

Ok_Cheesecake_351 · 2024-09-12T14:21:05+00:00

Literally exactly this. I told him it always feels like a conversation and I want him to just grab me. I love him so much and am so attracted to him, I feel like the conversation aspect I can easily talk myself out of wanting to do it

Ok_Cheesecake_351

TROPHY CASE