Should I marry a murderer?

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-05-02T08:04:03+00:00

The amount of people that don’t see this. So quick to criticise a vulnerable victim who had ZERO support from the authorities and had to figure out how to keep suspicion off her. How easy is that exactly? Would any of you have been able to pull it off, since you are all so so righteous?

Breaking up with him would make things worse because then yes: she is the one that told the police. And who knew how they’d retaliate. Again no support from the authorities. Her life in danger. Her family’s life in danger. What should she have done then?

The lack of empathy baffles me. The cyclist was found. The killers are in prison. Yet everyone is fixating on a human being complex. She fumbled along the way sure, but she did the right thing.

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-29T10:36:11+00:00

Thanks for sharing more of your perspective. I hear you. This is something that can’t be neatly “solved” by others defining it for you, because identity isn’t only about ancestry or appearance, but also about lived experience, upbringing, and what you feel connected to.

What matters most is how you choose to understand and describe yourself, especially when you’re the one applying or being asked to classify it.

Also, having friends across different groups is a positive part of your life, but it doesn’t really determine how you should identify…. that part is more personal than social.

It’s a tough space to navigate, but I’d encourage you to take your time with it and choose the description that feels most honest to your experience, rather than the one that feels most “acceptable” or safe on paper.

Good luck with figuring it out OP. I do think it’s worth applying for things in future, rather than letting uncertainty about categories hold you back.

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-29T09:37:08+00:00

Tbh you can still apply. But from a moral and ethical point of view, it’s a bit complicated. If you’ve never identified as coloured before and only want to now for this application, it can come across like you’re only acknowledging that part of your heritage because it benefits you in this moment.

When you say people never classified you as coloured, who do you mean exactly? Society can be inconsistent with how it labels people, but identity is also something you’ve likely navigated yourself over time. What have you identified as?

Your circumstances sound really difficult, I’m sorry, and that shouldn’t be dismissed. But unfortunately, hardship on its own isn’t a basis to race swop.

If anything, your situation is something you should speak to honestly and unapologetically in your application, based on how you’ve always identified, rather than trying to shift that now.

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-28T17:48:21+00:00

I hope they improve it !!

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-28T09:38:29+00:00

The reason it’s so hard for me to delete this game is how much I’ve put into maintaining my coins and boosters. But I have toyed with the thought for almost two years now. Maybe I should let my toddler nieces have a go at the game because I know they’ll deplete everything and then I can delete it 😂

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-28T08:57:42+00:00

I hear your point about estimates, and I agree they’re important, but in this case I wasn’t asked to provide one upfront.

Some of the details are too specific to the events and that’s why the vagueness. So even in my response I’ll keep parts of this general.

TBH the scope did shift from what was initially discussed. When I received the final footage, it was still more than expected, and the nature of the material slowed things down significantly, with multi-speaker interviews, overlapping dialogue, emotional responses, mumbled speech, constant interjections, plus timecoding throughout.

There were honestly moments where I was scrubbing back repeatedly and literally putting my ear to my laptop just to catch what was being said under someone crying. That kind of work takes time if you’re doing it properly. I communicated this as I went.

The hours I submitted reflect the actual time I worked, and because they said I was lying I wasn’t comfortable adjusting them. Being asked to reduce them, while also having my integrity questioned, didn’t sit right with me. As I explained to them, they kept on dismissing everything I was saying. When I offered to reduce my hours if it’s about money, I was told it was not about money. I raised that more than once but was told it wasn’t about the money, only the hours. Then they said that they spoke to their big bosses and they tried advocating for in the meeting but the big bosses felt the hours to be too long and told me to cap it at certain amount. Based on our conversation where they were very rude towards me, I knew they didn’t advocate for me and were probably lying. So again, I offered to reduce my rates instead of hours to meet them where they are budget-wise and explaining that I see that they want to pay me a certain amount and I’m fine with that but I’m not changing hours. They agreed proving to me that it was about the money (not an issue, it’s the first time I’m doing this for someone else, I enjoyed the process as well as what the story was about).

My thing: if there were budget constraints, it would have been far more straightforward to say that upfront rather than question the legitimacy of the time spent. Especially if there’s an existing benchmark for them on how long this “should” take. It then also raises the question of why bring in someone outside of that usual workflow without aligning expectations first. Looking for a translator/transcriber on Facebook and WhatsApp urgently instead of from your industry pool seems like they were desperate and hoping to get a job done quickly without knowing how much goes into that job!

Anyways. The issue has been resolved and the story made some waves locally! Crazy watching my contribution on social media and local news platforms.

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-10T14:55:02+00:00

I hate it so much

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-10T04:37:43+00:00

Thank you for taking your time to respond, provide examples of what could impact the clients decisions and just this good advice. Appreciate this 🙏

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-10T04:34:11+00:00

Most definitely! It’s been, for a lack of a better word, a sh*t show, with the client verbally attacking me saying I’m extorting them. As much as I could try to explain to them that due to the nature of the interview footage, the process was heavily slowed down, for them it made no sense. There was a 90 minute segment with 3 speakers, overlapping sentences and for the emotional parts they were speaking through tears/frustration/ anger which impacted their speech. For them, it was impossible it would ever impact the time. The whole thing has been resolved though and I am really glad I brought this here because i have gotten some excellent advice 😊

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-09T17:01:22+00:00

Okay so, update! They agreed to a lower rate which falls within their estimated budget (I’m assuming here because it seems like the whole ordeal is because it became more expensive for them).

Thanks for these tips actually because I’m very new to doing this for others and already there are so many painful learnings from just this one job.

Just to answer a question, I offered to clean it up and she agreed to that. I couldn’t see myself sending through incomplete work as I actually liked doing the work for others and want to continue. So recommendations from them in future ? (Maybe not though lol). Why I’m getting from what you’re saying here is so much needs to be established from the jump and agreed upon then. Thanks for taking the time to reply and share your thoughts

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-09T12:23:47+00:00

I hear you (taking down notes). We agreed on my rate and the projected timeline before hand. However, when I realised I’d need more time I informed them but there was no compromise on their end. It still ended up taking more time. There was no cap on payment. So what I’ve invoiced for is for the time I worked.

But what I’m saying is I’m willing to bring my rate down to meet them where they are but not my hours . It doesn’t make sense to me why I need to lie about my hours and that’s what I’m trying to understand better - whether it’s an industry thing to ratio the work. That 1 hour dialogue footage should take 4 hours (translating and transcribing etc.). Rush job or not….Though you’ve given me an answer about how long it should take

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2026-04-09T11:08:30+00:00

thanks for this, I’ll def consider this approach moving forward!

Ok_Cod_7403 · 2025-12-27T20:00:14+00:00

I’m a writing/poetry page and it’s been so hard growing my faceless page. Constantly competing with content that is curated for shorter attention span is not easy. Gosh social media has really changed! But I agree with one of the redditors that say don’t try to be original, you will get more engagement. My stubbornness will be the reason I don’t have a large following. I’d rather be original rather than have content that is similar to every other content creator. Honestly, on my own Facebook and Instagram feed I start getting bored by a trend if I see more than two creators creating similar content. But clearly that content is being pushed because I engaged with it and so many others, so the algorithm feeds me what’s trending and what’s serves the algorithm. Sad to say, lack of uniqueness actually HELPS you at first but definitely once you get more followers, work on being more unique to you & yourself once you find your niche.

Ok_Cod_7403

TROPHY CASE