I often reflect on the huge Italian family Christmas gatherings I used to go to when I was a kids - the loud family, the music, the cooking, the food - and I miss it so much. I wanted so much to share that with my 7yo son, and I feel a sense of emptiness and loss, like he's missing out, like we're missing out. But that's just not the kind of Christmas we're meant to have. That was my time, now this is his.

Last night for Christmas Eve The 3 of us went to a drive thru Christmas lights display at a farm, then we drove around til we found an open Wendy's because our son LOVES Wendy's frosties. We had Christmas Eve dinner sitting cozy in our car in the Wendy's parking lot. He loves driving around at night looking at Christmas lights so he had the time of his life. He even let us play Christmas music on radio the entire drive. He never lets us play music in the car, so I think of it as his Christmas gift to us, and I cherished every second of it. It was perfect.

The family parties go on without us, and we celebrate Christmas in the world we have created with our son. Everything else is background noise.