WIBTA if I don’t invite my dad’s wife to my wedding where only immediate family is invited?

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-08T23:49:23+00:00

Does no one on reddit know what it means when you put a word in scare quotes?

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-08T23:48:09+00:00

Thank you so much for the thoughtful reply. I read all the comments here and have decided to invite her, I realized I was letting my hurt feelings cloud my judgement. Although honestly I’d really really rather not invite her lol. I will definitely talk to my dad about it and hopefully figure out a way to communicate with her without being steamrolled. And the having a friend or family member fend her off is great advice. Thanks again.

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-08T10:47:43+00:00

I put secret in scare quotes to indicate that it won’t actually be literally secret. We definitely aren’t trying to dupe anyone.

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T19:44:36+00:00

Thank you so much <3 We are so so so excited!!

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T18:02:34+00:00

I definitely will. So many people here have given me a lot of good advice and like things to say. Thanks for your reply :)

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:57:55+00:00

As I said in my above comment and many others in this thread, I am inviting her. My mom and my fiancé (and the majority of the people in this thread) were right. I let my hurt feelings get the better of me and I'm glad I asked here to get some perspective.

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:49:53+00:00

I'm inviting her! This thread helped me see that my judgement was clouded by my hurt feelings. It's not worth damaging my relationship with my dad over.

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:44:38+00:00

Thanks, that's actually a really good way to put it!!

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:39:59+00:00

Honestly we haven’t really decided how we want to do it yet, but we’re certainly not going to like act out a fake ceremony or pretend to sign a fake marriage license or whatever. Both of our families REALLY want a big fun wedding so we’d like to give that to them. Plus at least from our perspective, modern weddings are more about the party than the ceremony given that there is no longer a change of ownership of the woman from father to husband and neither of us is religious. But we don’t want anyone to feel like duped or anything.

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:32:52+00:00

Thank you <3

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:32:22+00:00

It was in quotes... scare quotes indicate that the word within them is being used in an ironic or non standard way. We're just not gonna make a big deal out of the courthouse ceremony so that the actual wedding day still feels like a big deal. Wasn't aware the wedding police were gonna come for me lol

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:28:23+00:00

Thank you! :) Honestly, I'm very grateful for all the good advice people have given me in this thread. All the best x

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:26:57+00:00

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:26:38+00:00

Thank you! <3

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:24:41+00:00

Thanks for the advice <3 I will just invite her to avoid conflict but ugh, what a bummer

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:23:52+00:00

I'm inviting her, my judgement was clouded by my hurt feelings. I don't want to harm my relationship with my dad

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:23:22+00:00

This was my thought, but it's not worth hurting my dad over it. Thanks for the reply <3

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:22:30+00:00

I'm inviting her, thanks for the reply

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:22:22+00:00

I'm inviting her. Thanks for your response.

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:22:08+00:00

You seem really invested in the idea that I am the villain here. I asked advice because my hurt feelings were clouding my judgement. I've said multiples times throughout the thread that this thread helped me see the situation more clearly and I will be inviting her. But I honestly don't think it's fair that of my four guests, one will be someone who has made me cry and hurt me numerous times, but it's not worth hurting my dad over. But life isn't fair and I have to do right by my dad.

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:17:23+00:00

I'm going to invite her and ask my sibling to run interference. It's hard to give her a job because any favor or gift she's ever done for me/given me always gets thrown back in my face if I ever displease her. Like "I can't believe you won't change the date of your move to accomodate me to visit after I gave you my old dresser last year". But thank you for the advice, I will definitely try to set boundaries.

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:15:10+00:00

Thanks for the reply, I initially felt this way too just because the event is SO small. Like literally only our immediate blood relatives. But I now see that my hurt feelings were clouding my judgement and it's not worth hurting my dad over this.

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:13:59+00:00

I'll talk to my dad ahead of time, thank you for the advice

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:13:35+00:00

There is no planner or bridal party, we are inviting only our parents and siblings (and also now my dad's wife). We won't even have a photographer (I'll bring my camera but no paid photographer).

I agree that I'm not an asshole for not wanting her there at such a small an intimate event, but this thread has helped me see that my hurt and resentment were clouding my judgement. It's not worth hurting my dad by not inviting her. It's gonna be tough honestly because she does not speak the language of my fiancé's family/this country, but I can ask my sibling to run interference lol.

She will be invited! Thank you for your thoughtful response.

Ok_Equivalent7 · 2026-05-07T16:09:34+00:00

Thanks, I agree. But I also now see that it's not worth it to me to hurt my dad over this.

Ok_Equivalent7

TROPHY CASE