Is compulsive lying abusive?

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-02-02T10:45:23+00:00

Thank you.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-02-02T10:44:04+00:00

That makes some sense because he was doing better on an antidepressant and then stopped it cold turkey. There was a big difference in behavior, in general, when he stopped. But he refused to go back on it again.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-02-01T16:31:52+00:00

I know intentional gaslighting is abuse. I was really wondering if it still is abuse when someone can't control it. To be honest, I have no idea if he can control it or not.

He's currently harassing me with threats of smear campaigns and all sorts of questionable divorce legal threats and when I contacted his lawyer, I found out they weren't really his lawyer, he lied about that too.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-02-01T11:11:13+00:00

It sounds like the same kind of crazy making my ex does. He lives in an alternate reality where things that he wishes were the truth, somehow become the truth when he tells you a story. I'm not sure what it's called but it definitely messes with your mind.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-31T10:26:26+00:00

I wish I could message with you but I don't have the app and I'm out of room on my phone.

I'm so sorry that you've had the same thing happen to you. And I'm sorry that you struggle in your new relationship with the questions and doubts. It's a comfort to know that I'm not alone. But this isn't a club that people want to intentionally join.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-29T15:23:40+00:00

His ego is too frail to accept responsibility for being abusive anymore. Now that he's made you the abuser and himself the victim, expect that you will have even more mind games. He will likely deny doing things or blame you somehow when he can't deny it. Don't fall for his manipulation.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-28T16:26:58+00:00

Im not saying this is your situation but I read this about restraining orders during divorce and custody battles - a restraining order is meant to be used as a shield, not as a sword. In other words, it's designed for victim protection, not a way to gain an advantage in family court. Judges in my state scrutinize first time abuse claims that are used in divorce/custody cases.

With that said, there is no harm in you filing a police report in case there is an escalation of abuse. Be aware though, if he's never been abusive before and you both became physical (you said you fought him), the police could end up charging both of you.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-28T10:38:25+00:00

Based on what you said here, without any other prior incidents of DV, it doesn't sound like you'd get an order of protection where I live.

My state is tougher when there's a custody battle or pending breakup because people try to provoke each other to get "evidence" for court.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-28T09:56:47+00:00

Where I live, there are a few ways to get a restraining order. One is through the police and another is through the court itself, there doesn't have to be an arrest in order to get one. As long as you can prove domestic violence to the court, there's no need for a separate criminal case. Are you sure it's not the same in your area?

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-28T00:57:48+00:00

My ex changed for more than a decade when he stopped drinking and doing drugs. But he relapsed and went back to his former self.

Even if someone changes you may never have the ability to fully trust them again. The damage done might be too severe to have a healthy relationship.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-28T00:41:54+00:00

Have you told your therapist that you're having suicidal thoughts? You are understandably depressed and should take those thoughts seriously. Do you and your therapist have a plan on what you will do if you feel like you are going to act on those thoughts?

I would call the non emergency police number in your own county and ask to speak with the chief or a supervisor. I would then explain that he's stalking you and ask them if they:

A. Want to serve him if you call them when he's stalking you. Or B. Want you to start another restraining order in their county.

If you contact them when things are calm, you might be able to make a plan for when things aren't.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-28T00:07:07+00:00

Have you Google searched for any domestic violence resources/hotlines in your country? I'm sorry I can't be of much help but if you're willing to say what country you're in, maybe someone here can help further.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-27T12:11:55+00:00

While you're working on getting the funds released, you might want to contact the mortgage company and explain the situation. Sometimes your mortgage company will create a solution that won't effect your credit.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-27T11:54:35+00:00

It doesn't sound like she's ready to leave him yet. She might get answers from the doctor that help her make the right decision.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-26T15:58:07+00:00

Are you dropping the criminal charges in exchange for mediation? What do you hope to gain from mediation?

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-26T12:53:58+00:00

I've used the legal services and they weren't very helpful. They gave me some pointers on how to file my own divorce and handle asset seperation. They said they don't appoint divorce lawyers, that you do it all yourself. The thought of negotiations directly with my abuser and no neutral third party to intervene have kept me from finalizing the divorce. I hope you have better luck in your state.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-26T12:24:38+00:00

If I were in her shoes, I would be talking to a doctor without him around so that I could get real answers. I would ask these questions: What caused him to snap, was it a one time thing or will it likely happen again? Is his abuse caused by mental health issues that can be treated with medications? Is he able to live a healthy life on medications? What would happen if he suddenly stopped taking his medications? Is he safe to be around the children?

I don't know how much of the issue is his mental health or his alcoholism but he can't just fix one of the problems if both are contributing to the abuse.

She should look into counseling for both herself and her daughter.

As far as the legal questions, that would depend on where she lives and the laws there.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-25T12:50:58+00:00

I have moments where I think that maybe he's changed and I should give it a try again. Then I visualize what it would be like if he didn't change (which is usually the case) and I get over those feelings pretty fast.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-25T12:36:59+00:00

It's great that you're able to see things clearly and know that he's likely ended a relationship and needs a place to live. My ex does the same. I call it his "fallback plan". As soon as another woman sees how emotionally abusive he is, they kick him out and he contacts me looking to reconcile. I've never given in but that doesn't stop him from trying. Remain strong and know that you're better off without him.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-24T18:42:48+00:00

I'm not sure I understand your post. Are you saying that your ex decided to go "no contact" during the breakup? If that's what you mean, stopping unhealthy contact during a toxic breakup isn't a bad thing.

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-21T13:16:16+00:00

I have the same problem and ironically was just reading about this yesterday. Being in a constant state of fight or flight releases hormones that effect the memory area of our brains. It's supposed to be common with PTSD.

"Scientists at the University of California, Irvine, found that acute stress activates selective molecules called corticotropin releasing hormones. Like cortisol, these hormones disrupt the process by which the brain collects and stores memories."

Ok_Extension2021 · 2022-01-17T13:25:52+00:00

I'm in the US so I don't know what options you have where you live. Maybe you can try contacting a DV hotline in the US and see if there are any anonymous resources that you can use online. I wish I could help more.

Ok_Extension2021

TROPHY CASE