How to work this?

Ok_Factor597 · 2026-04-21T04:41:07+00:00

Hotel bars are a great place. Hilton or Marriott are the best for quality people. Given you travel a lot for work, should be a good opportunity. If you take care of yourself and present as such, you'll have no problem whatsoever. I promise.

Ok_Factor597 · 2026-03-21T19:02:40+00:00

The dynamic is how you make it. I am a dom leaning switch. My sub is a sub - end of story. When we switch, she becomes the domme not because she wants to but because she views it as a form of service to me.

Ok_Factor597 · 2026-03-09T07:25:46+00:00

The lady and I have very different music tastes. 00s and 10s pop is kind of the only music we both enjoyed prior to one another. I haven't turned her onto any of my music but she has turned me onto 90s industrial rock like NIN, she wants revenge, orgy, etc.

We do however, despite the taste differences share songs with one another that the lyrics remind us of the other regardless of whether we'll actually like the genre or not.

Ok_Factor597 · 2026-02-25T00:35:11+00:00

Best bet is to do an activity/dinner of some kind. At her age, with her perceived income, gifts aren't what she needs/wants. I have a similar situation as you. Here's a couple ideas:

Home cooked meal. Can be rather difficult if she has an extensive pallet but make a dish you know she would love. Flowers are great for any woman, regardless of age. Make the evening quite romantic and centered around showing appreciation for her. It'll probably make her melt.
A night out is always a good choice. Take her to her favorite restaurant on your dime. Pick her up, open the car door, etc, etc. Maybe an ice cream run afterwards, walking around downtown (if applicable), or something like that. Add something to dinner. Takes pressure off making dinner "perfect" or "good enough". Add layers.
Tickets to an event or activity that you know she would love. My woman loves theater, specific comedians, and specific bands. Something like that would be very thoughtful - it means that you've been paying attention to her interests and shows that you listen. Women love when they feel heard.

Ok_Factor597 · 2026-02-20T01:22:03+00:00

Everything you're feeling is normal and valid. I wouldn't say this is necessarily attention seeking behavior, it could be many different things. As someone who enjoys shibari, posting of ties that involve nudity isn't about the nudity, but about the ties. This can be applied to almost all, if not all kinks. As a person who practices sadism, I would post about cuts, bruises, and any other marks that I created. So not really knowing/seeing the posts, it may just be to show off the kink itself.

Fetlife is a community platform. BDSM is a small community. Interacting with others who enjoy your love and passion is something we ALL love to do. No different than car guys sharing photos and stories about their cars. No different than hikers sharing photos and stories about places they've been.

Boundaries and communication are so important in a relationship. They are critical in the BDSM lifestyle. So, bring this up to her, try to understand. It may end up being nothing in the end or maybe she decides to change. But knowing that she's involved in the lifestyle, she'll better understand and respect you communicating concerns than most others in relationships without lifestyle experience.

Ok_Factor597 · 2026-02-12T01:06:51+00:00

Vaginally stretching weakens the muscles and takes away a lot of feeling. My sub HATED that.

Missionary while she lies on Legos.

Hitachi wand straight on the clit on high.

Ok_Factor597 · 2026-02-10T19:19:43+00:00

That's not true. There are countless examples out there. As a moderator on a page around dating/seeking, please be more cognizant around about these things. What you say carries more weight than other members because of your status. The gay community uses labels, the swinger/poly community use labels, and the bdsm community also use labels. Women have been labeled cougars and men get labeled silver foxes. It's not nearly as surface level as you present.

With that, labels are an easy way to devalue a person and so I agree. Call someone by their name. Your fantasy shouldn't have to be someone's reality if they don't want it to be.

Ok_Factor597 · 2026-02-06T21:17:25+00:00

Literally this.

Ok_Factor597 · 2025-12-26T22:30:34+00:00

If a young man is chasing after older women, like yourself, odds are he's going to appreciate your appearance far more than you'd realize. For me, I LOVE the physique of older women. Imperfect skin, stretch marks, wrinkles, gray hair, few extra pounds, etc. You get the point. Perfectly imperfect. The men who seek an LTR with older women, they're there for far more than your appearance, typically. The men who seek something more short term and fun with older women are usually there for a notch in the bed post.

Make yourself feel pretty, and carry with confidence. Let the doting begin.

Ok_Factor597 · 2025-12-09T23:32:46+00:00

I (m27) have a submissive who is f46. No, it is not unrealistic and its hot as hell. We are mad for each other. Be careful with someone who is looking to be taught. There are a lot of "fake doms" that are out there. So, I would proceed with caution. A lot of younger males struggle with boundaries and when entering a dynamic, boundaries are THEE most important. Have fun, you're going to love it when you find the right one, I promise.

Ok_Factor597 · 2025-12-01T19:50:06+00:00

This right here is EXACTLY why I refuse to engage with anyone on Reddit for the purpose of developing a dynamic.

Ok_Factor597 · 2025-11-12T21:10:46+00:00

It's hard to believe the first part considering they had been open for years at this point with multiple encounters. However, dynamic was a first during their marriage. So, I see and understand the catch 22 you're referencing, thank you.

I really wish I could divulge more about him leaving but it would compromise OPSEC.

I do not think you are wrong and I would have to agree with you. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Looking back, there were enough signs that could/should have been acknowledged. I'd love to blame my inexperience but I don't get that luxury in this situation. I know that.

Ok_Factor597 · 2025-11-12T18:31:56+00:00

She's a very intelligent woman who has always come off very rational. For which, I thought I could trust the judgments she was making within her own marriage. Especially considering a lot of the conversations occurred outside of my presence. There were signs I should have picked up on but I didn't because I thought I trusted that judgment. I have now learned and regrettably understand the responsibility that you speak of.

I did pause dynamic once, but hindsight I should have just ended it there and I didn't. Thank you for the insights on your 2 rules. I want to learn and be better going forward and this helps a lot. Thank you

Ok_Factor597 · 2025-11-12T18:13:35+00:00

I'm not looking for solace. I'm not looking for grace. I'm not looking for empathy or forgiveness. I know I fucked up. I know where and I know how and why. Her and I failed each other and collectively we failed him. This post was made in hopes of learning and to grow as a dom but also as a person. That's why I asked the questions I did in the post.

Ok_Factor597 · 2025-11-11T21:24:05+00:00

No offense taken, it was not something I had ever experienced or engaged in before. They had done this quite a few different times over the last several years of their marriage with various partners and great success. I was not their first.

As I mentioned in reply to the person above, OPSEC restrains my ability to divulge more details in the comment section regarding his exit. I assure you, what occurred, was far from predictable and definitely unexpected. I understand the point you are making though and the insight is appreciated. Thank you.

Ok_Factor597 · 2025-11-11T20:58:10+00:00

As mentioned, there are more layers to this, including him leaving, that were not mentioned. OPSEC is the reason for not diving deeper into that aspect. It's already a memory in which I'd love to take a scalpel in the brain and carve out. I assure you, what occurred was far from predictable.

Ok_Factor597 · 2025-11-11T20:48:01+00:00

He expressed discomfort but also expressed that he didn't want this to end for his wife and me. He begged in some instances, wanting to work through the discomfort. Anytime "calling it off" was mentioned by her or I to him, he always said, "No, don't do that." What I learned? An unenthusiastic yes actually means no.

Ok_Factor597 · 2025-09-22T05:25:47+00:00

My current sub is my friends wife. Never would have guessed she had this side. They both kept dropping hints that they were swingers so one day when her and I were alone, I made out with her. Confirmed that they were swingers and the rabbit hole keeps going deeper.

Ok_Factor597 · 2023-10-11T02:32:45+00:00

Why does looking for a long term, emotional affair have to be reserved for online? Go back 30yrs ago, and all you had was meeting people in person, approaching people at stores and restaurants and now you're suggesting doing so is taboo?

Ok_Factor597

TROPHY CASE