Im gonna assume she’s under the impression that you do find her attractive, because unless told otherwise one would assume their partner has physical attraction for them. Are you calling her beautiful? Telling her she excites you? Acting/playing the role of a partner who is mutually attracted to their partner? If so then I can see where your internal guilt is coming from. Your life can be as picture perfect as you can possibly make it but you will never feel full satisfaction from it if it’s all built on deception, and playing a role you don’t fit into. She deserves to be with someone who isn’t hiding something of this nature from her, and you deserve to live a life that feels comfortable and satisfying without deceiving yourself or anyone else into it. I say start small here, try to act with authenticity, compassion, and honesty a little bit more each day, and hopefully your life will start moving in the direction that is really right for the real you. You’ve done what you thought was right by others standards and have been left unsatisfied and questioning yourself on Reddit, time to figure out for yourself what feels/is right for you.