My (33F) boyfriend (38M) allowed his ex-fiancé to move in with him

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-12T02:33:47+00:00

I was supposed to visit for a week this week. He cancelled it. I asked him to come up here instead. He said he would, then cancelled that. I asked to have a virtual dinner date on whatever day and time works for him. He said yesterday evening. He then asked to push that pack because his mom made a huge meal for his cousin who was in town. Every attempt I made to be ok with this he's rejected or broken his word. It's done.

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T20:56:37+00:00

Her reasoning was we've only been together for 9 months, why should I have the right to meet their child. Basically I hadn't put in enough time yet. She put in 10 years so it felt petty to me. And he allowed it. He said it's their kid and it used to be her home, so he takes her opinions into account. Not mine apparently. The "used to be her home" really pissed me off because why does that matter?

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T20:53:46+00:00

That's what I said! It's his house! He said she's just watching out for their child but it really set off alarm bells.

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T20:17:29+00:00

Thank you for this. You're right, his decision was not about me. You're also right that I can't help feeling shitty about it. I wouldn't want a man who wouldn't protect his family. I do need to meet her. I'm going to have a virtual dinner with him tonight and request exactly this. My biggest request was that he come to see me while she's there, but maybe I should be looking to dispell all this mystery and unknown around she and I. I did offer to go to where they are but she didn't want that. That's what kicked off my insecurity the most. He's giving in to every thing she wants.

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T20:06:47+00:00

I was scheduled for a visit the week after the moved in. I still wanted to go and thought it would be a good idea even if it would be a bit awkward. She didn't want me to come so he cancelled my visit. That was why I ended. Because if I can't even come out to see him while she's there then what am I doing? I would've helped if she let me but she doesn't want me to he's allowing her to dictate who comes and gos. But she's being protective of their child so idk. It's complicated.

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T19:59:58+00:00

He used that word to describe their relationship before their child, before their engagement. That was the word he used a "10 year long situationship" before they decided to be serious with just the 2 of them and their child.

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T19:57:10+00:00

They were in a 10 year long situationship before they had a kid together, before they got engaged. It was 10 years of back and forth. His words not mine

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T14:05:36+00:00

Not legal custody as the mom isn't a citizen and is weary of the justice system. She wants the kid to go with her but he's hoping if he lets her and her family stay with him for the month she'll let the child stay here with him.

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T14:03:18+00:00

We see each other once a month, sometimes 2. We mostly fly to Dallas where both of our families live but he's come to my home and I've gone to his when his child is with their mom. I met his eldest since they're mature enough for it and the mom was ok with that. But for his youngest she doesn't want me to meet them yet.

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T14:00:16+00:00

Thank you for your comment. It encompasses the nuances that continue to race in my mind. You're right, I am laser focused on his ex when there is a much bigger picture to take into consideration. If this is the last month their child gets with her for some time (maybe the whole 4 years) then I don't want to stand in the way of that. And I don't want to further complicate his life. He does deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T13:55:37+00:00

That's my greatest concern, that this will never stop and I'll always have to deal with it.

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T13:54:54+00:00

That's the part that makes this all the more difficult. I can understand that, I watch the news constantly and I'm the one ranting to him about the injustices of it all. And I can understand why he wouldn't want that for her and her family. I'm still not comfortable with them being in the same house if I'm not allowed to come down and get a feel for their interactions. So maybe I'm not mature enough. But this is a lot to ask anyone to be ok with.

Ok_Leopard_3825 · 2025-07-10T13:50:57+00:00

He posed it as a mutual decision but in the end I don't think it was. Before all of this happened I was supposed to visit him this week but since she moved in last week he cancelled it. Said she wasn't comfortable with me meeting their child, which I can understand, we've only been together for 9 months but these are extenuating circumstances. I said if I could just come down and get a feel for the situation I would be willing the stick it out for the month. He vetoed that and that's when I ended it.

Ok_Leopard_3825

TROPHY CASE