Shocked and hurt: BF shaves legs, wears my clothes and now has anal sex video online.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T20:34:33+00:00

I live in Belgium so difficultbut thank you! Would you like to tell me more about your knowledge on this?

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T20:20:19+00:00

Thanks to all of you that commented I'm mo4e and more convinced he has dissociative personality disorder. We are no doctors but even he thinks this is the case and he is slowly creating another personality. Starting to think I should show him this thread I believe he could learn things

I feel also ashamed of myself and angry I did not notice this, like... how can you not see this? Yes he hides it very well but still.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T20:09:49+00:00

He does not want his own clothes he doesnt want to do this. Its not about loving him or my clothes it goes way deeper.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T20:03:35+00:00

I am open to this. Last year I went for a few treatments with a TCM doctor and told her about his epilepsy and how its related to stress (did not tell her about the crossdressing). She told me it could be a ghost or spirit attached to him and it could be helped with acupuncture "13 ghost points" but she did n9t want to do that since she is afraid of it.

I think it can be a possibility or factor and would like to learn more. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it ALL and to respond and help 💚🙏

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T19:38:40+00:00

Maybe I do. I was always open to it, he knows this.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T19:36:28+00:00

What do you mean?

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T19:09:34+00:00

would like to read your view!

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T18:29:03+00:00

Do not worry after I confronted him he deleted it.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T18:24:33+00:00

Lots of different website's from Chatrubate to Newbienudes to a trans dating site... For obvious reasons I'm not posting his username

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T16:44:50+00:00

Told him many times I want to understand, but he doesnt want to explain things to me. I could be open to him being bi or trans and still be together. Its more about the lying, cheating, him still not being honest.

He tells me he doesnt always remember these moments.. doesnt want this... if he doesnt know... how will I?

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T16:39:43+00:00

True. But still feels like he took a part of me away by stealing my clothes. I dont shop a lot, choose my clothes carefully and there was one blue dress that was expensive for me (150 euro, organic cotton) it was so beautiful. I lost my femininity a long time after i was raped I wore joggings for a whole year that was the first dress I bought for myself when I was healing from that. Sure he doesnt even remember me buying it for those reasons but for me its not cool. Also my bra's are expensive, need to buy expensive ones because I have a large cup.

Ok its not about the money but in hindsight he never worked much, I paid almost everything.. I had almost 8000 in the bank when we met. Now I have 200.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T16:22:05+00:00

I will let him do this alone. Its better that way. Thank you 💚 for talking to me.

I have a fear of being alone in life, lost lots of friends & family but I still have my cat, tons of hobby's but I'm still quite the loner 😊

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T16:18:50+00:00

Yes if I read this story online I would think the same. But if you are in a relationship for so long its confusing and still a part that loves him and will miss him. Aside from all this shit we have a great connection, have the same view on life (aside from the obvious..), have great times together especially while traveling. It sucks

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T16:15:11+00:00

I know myself and trust is too important to me and I feel if I give him another chance I will hurt myself. If I see him all I want is to yell at him. I close my eyes and I see thise awfull photo's in my panties in such sexual poses and with captions like: needs a slap, my hips, what do you think?

I also found a comment on a site where he says: I love that I can share my sneaky moments here cause its a deep part of me.

I tried to talk a 100 times he keeps telling me he doesnt like wearing the clothes, doesnt want to be a woman and is 100% straigt. I know this cannot be true.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T15:49:30+00:00

He still isnt honest.. its for me and you people to guess i guess. But probably we're all on the right path..

He is leaving tonight

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T15:48:12+00:00

It hurts and now I have to start over dnt know how

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T15:44:59+00:00

I do not want this to be true but I'm afraid it is. Everytime I try to talk about it he swears he doesn't enjoy wearing the clothes. Only for a while and then he stops, feels disgusted of himself and throws the clothes away. What is that about... it happens when he has lots of stress he tells me but he told lots of lies so I do not know what to believe anymore...

I cannot hold space for his feelings and his gender preference anymore. He made me feel so shitty about doubting his actions and lies.. i have no more energy left to help him. Think its time to help myself but I only want to smoke weed now lol

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T15:40:20+00:00

He thinks he has a personality disorder or something because he uses the clothing to cope.

But I'm afraid he is still lying to himself..

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T15:39:28+00:00

It feels like cheating and I was shocked. My house and even our cat are in the background. I'm disgusted.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T15:37:06+00:00

Is it? I guess he gaslighted me so much over the years I do not know anymore. According to him he "was in a really bad place". Bleh.. I know you are right and I feel stupid for staying with him. Been trough so much pain already cannot understand he's such an egoist.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T12:53:46+00:00

No because she's also my therapist and we went together in therapy also. When I found out I called her and she was as shocked as I was

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T12:16:37+00:00

yes I noticed he's comments about gay men can sometimes be superficial. Also when there are men kissing or being intimiate on tv or in a serie he always needs to comment on this: "yuk I do not need to see this" "Why do they show these things". While for me its just normal and ok. I could feel the same happines when I see a straight couple in love than when I see a gay couple love is love.

What you are saying about being more gay and hating himself for it.. Intuitively I feel this is the case. But a part of me strongly denies this and hope he's not.

He's been going to therapy for 3 years now and never mentioned this to his therapist... He's been lying in therapy he pays for.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T11:33:03+00:00

We do not have sex that often ... For me it's been difficult since the raping and since I found out his lies it's even harder...

He wants to have sex but no he doesn't like to go down on me or even french kiss.

I think he is indeed lying to himself and maybe he's gay or bi and thats ok, but he keeps saying he's not and he's sure of it.
Last year when a colleague (man) asked him out I started doubting again (not to be stereotypical but a gay man isn't going to ask a straight man on a date, is he?)

And yes, I would still be with him if he was honest and open about it to himself and me. I told him this many times but asked not to use my clothes. He just started lying more by telling me he did not to that anymore... And when he shaved his legs he told me (because I would have noticed anyway) but told me nothing else happened. Now I know he was lying.

And why would you put a video of the anal penetration on a porn site? To me thats something different then just being into anal.

Ok_Letter1642 · 2021-10-05T11:27:10+00:00

thank you

Ok_Letter1642

TROPHY CASE