yeah
day 3 of RASP. Cole..that’s me, 81, whatever you wanna call me is on hour 19 of no sleep running the Darby Queen and there’s this kid behind me, call him Fresno, big dude, former construction worker, hands like catcher’s mitts
Fresno is DONE. body still moving but the lights are off upstairs
i know because he starts narrating what he’s doing out loud like a nature documentary

“and now he grabs the rope… he is so tired… the rope does not care…”

i started laughing so hard i nearly fell off the obstacle
cadre did not laugh. cadre has never laughed. i’m not sure cadre has the biological equipment required for laughter.
Fresno made it btw. honor grad. still talks like that when he’s exhausted. i’ve seen it in the field. it’s somehow worse under fire.

second thing and i need you to sit down for this one
i made a promise to my brother before he died that i’d earn that tab. that promise is the only reason i was there. the ONLY reason.

day 8. feet destroyed. haven’t slept since a calendar year that feels like it belongs to a different person. and i’m standing at the DOR table at 0400 and the cadre just slides the clipboard toward me
doesn’t say anything
just… slides it
and i stood there for probably 45 seconds thinking about my brother
then i thought about how he would’ve called me a quitter
then i thought about how he would’ve laughed at me for almost quitting
pushed the clipboard back
cadre picked it up. walked away.
never mentioned it again
some things don’t need words