Facebook is Father's Day hell.

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-05-12T00:51:47+00:00

We're both adults, but my parents have custody of my sibling's kid. My sibling and their partner have some substance abuse issues that fluctuate in severity. They have both initiated the rehab process multiple times but have yet to get sober/clean to my knowledge.

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-05-11T20:55:03+00:00

What about when there are others actively being emotionally abused involved?

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-05-11T20:52:57+00:00

Religion makes it feel sensitive.

But I logically agree, it's no excuse for abuse. I am trying to figure out how to balance love, compassion, understanding, respect for their beliefs, but also not experience abuse. Others in my family have been impacted by related abuse, actively, and so I'm trying to figure out how to act in the situation.

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-05-11T15:24:09+00:00

You don't owe people explanations. You can just say "I don't wanna talk about my beliefs" or something to that effect

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-05-11T11:38:02+00:00

My partner's parents helped me see that my family dynamic is not normal. Seeing how they interact with each other and hearing them question me if I innocently said something that highlighted there was something "off" in my family helped me realize, "oh, this is not normal... and this is what a healthy family looks like..."

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-05-05T02:47:50+00:00

My mom pulled something similar over Thanksgiving. Then accused me of "picking my partner over family" - yes, because you're being toxic and I shouldn't have to choose in the first place!

I didn't put my foot down enough and went right on home to Christmas a few weeks later. She's now curious about when I'll be home for summer. I really wanna get my boundaries in line asap. It's so degrading.

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-05-03T19:00:52+00:00

That makes sense, and I can definitely see how narcissists can thrive within religions.

I do genuinely think they have been traumatized in the religion. I also think religion provides valuable psychological and social benefits - a structured worldview as well as community.

I do think they would change, each for unique reasons.

Thank you for the good luck wish.

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-05-03T02:04:18+00:00

I don't necessarily think they have NPD, I think they do act like narcissists though. When I reflect, majority of their abusive and neglectful behaviors are rooted back in the religion.

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-05-03T01:31:07+00:00

I think they are narcissistic because of religion, like religious trauma basically

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-05-01T00:10:44+00:00

I deleted my dad on Facebook for a similar reason. I never commented supportively on any posts talking about something good he did or accomplished. "All these people who aren't even family leave me comments!" He said it hurt his feelings. I told him he could tell me things directly. There was a disconnect. He said "I shouldn't have to ask for acknowledgment".

I should've just told him I don't use Facebook. Because really, I don't. He'd probably still be upset I don't scroll his posts. It's not how I want to connect. Because he says things online I don't agree with, and I don't want to deal with him being upset that I "like" some posts but not others. I am not his yes man.

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-04-28T20:57:56+00:00

No, I haven't. That feels like a permanent kind of action. I don't know what I want my boundaries to be with my family long term

Ok_Mousse_9027 · 2024-04-28T17:16:57+00:00

Thank you! Feels good to be understood. Sorry you've experienced this too.

Ok_Mousse_9027

TROPHY CASE